Christmas Racket

"Would you look at that, the Grinch is putting up the Christmas tree." Real frigg'n cute. Someone said this about/to me while I was putting up the fugly office Christmas tree. My boss asked me to assemble our holiday spirit and I guess one of my coworkers numerous kids was with her and started helping me. Personally I don't understand why they bring their kids with them, perhaps it's like the remora, the child attaches it's self to the parents underbelly and winds up in the office. In any case, I'm putting up the tree and enjoying it in my own way and then the kids starts helping me. So far I'm fine. I tell the little girl thing that if she wants to help she can "fluff" up the branches. Of course the kid doesn't. Instead she starts knocking over my piles of branches, which I just finished sorting by size. I continue to work and ask her to keep fluffing up the tree, from my experience you have to explain thing to a child like they're retarded. I personally blame breeding. While I'm doing this and putting together the tree I don't look as happy as someone who's constructing a 'pipe cleaner" Christmas tree. At this point someone walks up and calls me the Grinch. Now, I love Christmas, it's one of my favorite holidays. I hate children, they are vile, disgusting, and annoying. How the fuck to you mix up this glaringly obvious fact. As Christmas approaches I tend to hum Christmas ditties, when I see children I attempt to kick them. It's very obvious. But no, if he hates children he must hate Christmas. This lowered my X-mas spirit a notch so I took the box of Christmas bulbs stuffed in the branches and threw a couple pieces of garland on the side of the tree.

The other day I almost killed a little kid. I was driving down this rather busy street and this stupid kid comes running out into traffic holding a tennis racket. I'm not sure what age kids start walking now-a-days but that's how old this thing was. it just comes stumbling out into the street, eye to eye with my bumper and stares at me as I swerve like the damned. There were no parents outside, no guardian, nothing. I mean seriously, put the damn thing on a leash. Don't they realize what that means if I kill a kid with my car? Paperwork, hours in court, lawsuits, insurance. It's a pain in the ass. If you can't monitor your child and keep them from running blindly into the street why the fuck are you having them?

They were probably inside making more.

My Christmas spirit is still running strong at least. Unless I have to deal with another abomination, I mean child, before then. Somebody asked me "how can you hate children if you like Christmas?" So I asked them "how can you celebrate a pagan holiday and call it Christmas?" that didn't go over well. For some reason people connect Christmas and children like herpes and sores. I don't know why, but people think that my life would be enriched somehow if I had children, like two wrongs have suddenly made a right. They always say that Christmas is about giving, and watching a child's eyes light up when you give them a toy is the greatest gift of all. This is nonsense. Most kids put no thanks into the gifts they get, and no appreciation where they come from. Christmas is a a cycle of self indulgence, you enjoy the presents you get, and when you give you do it because it makes you feel better about yourself. If giving didn't feel good we wouldn't do it.

My stand on Christmas goes as follows: It's the one time of year when we act like the human being we pretend to be and buy stuff for other people who wouldn't/couldn't buy it for themselves. We're a little nicer then we are the rest of the year and we show appreciation to those who have stuck with us. It's not about this Jesus guy, it's about each other, it's about presents.

Merry Christmas


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com