I Have A Gift That's A Curse....
I don't know why, but I seem to have a knack for attempting to do nice things only to have them backfire on me.
Usually when I'm having a crappy day, week, month, year, life... I usually try and do something nice for someone who truly deserves it. a gift, extra attention, whatever.
There are times when it just doesn't work out, sometimes the idea I have just turns to crap. Usually I over think and plan something and when it finally comes to fruition it just falls apart. To give you an idea: EG (Example Given): A kid is making a birthday card out of noodles or something. The kid gets so excited about his idea he glues every noodle in the house to this one card. Now not only are there no more noodles, but the construction paper buckles under the weight and the whole thing falls apart.
There are other times when the idea I have has the best of intentions, but the delivery is just bad. EG: I buy you a new leash for your dog, not realizing your dog was run over by a truck this morning.
Then there are the times when I'll try and do something for someone and the action I take actually makes them feel bad, guilty even. It's like as if I unintentionally impose a sense of obligation for the reciprocation of the act. The thing is that I actually do these things with no intention of reciprocation save for a heart felt "Thank You." EG: My neighbor just moved out here from the east coast and they have no furniture (her son is sleeping on an inflatable mattress). When they eat dinner they're usually eating off their laps or on blankets. So I go out and buy them a little table set (that's just an example, I'd find it cheaper, hehehe) so they'd have somewhere to eat. Now she would feel bad that she couldn't return the gesture so she'd feel awkward.
All and all the bottom line is this, I know I'm not a good person, and I don't pretend to be. But sometimes I like to feel like I am, I like to do something for someone who would enjoy what I can do for them. I guess I just like to feel needed, or appreciated (I'm selfish like that.)
Exile
Original_exile@hotmail.com
Usually when I'm having a crappy day, week, month, year, life... I usually try and do something nice for someone who truly deserves it. a gift, extra attention, whatever.
There are times when it just doesn't work out, sometimes the idea I have just turns to crap. Usually I over think and plan something and when it finally comes to fruition it just falls apart. To give you an idea: EG (Example Given): A kid is making a birthday card out of noodles or something. The kid gets so excited about his idea he glues every noodle in the house to this one card. Now not only are there no more noodles, but the construction paper buckles under the weight and the whole thing falls apart.
There are other times when the idea I have has the best of intentions, but the delivery is just bad. EG: I buy you a new leash for your dog, not realizing your dog was run over by a truck this morning.
Then there are the times when I'll try and do something for someone and the action I take actually makes them feel bad, guilty even. It's like as if I unintentionally impose a sense of obligation for the reciprocation of the act. The thing is that I actually do these things with no intention of reciprocation save for a heart felt "Thank You." EG: My neighbor just moved out here from the east coast and they have no furniture (her son is sleeping on an inflatable mattress). When they eat dinner they're usually eating off their laps or on blankets. So I go out and buy them a little table set (that's just an example, I'd find it cheaper, hehehe) so they'd have somewhere to eat. Now she would feel bad that she couldn't return the gesture so she'd feel awkward.
All and all the bottom line is this, I know I'm not a good person, and I don't pretend to be. But sometimes I like to feel like I am, I like to do something for someone who would enjoy what I can do for them. I guess I just like to feel needed, or appreciated (I'm selfish like that.)
Exile
Original_exile@hotmail.com
posted by exile at
11/30/2005 05:42:00 PM
11 Comments:
dar'lyn, i over think everything.
(and i wonder why i don't sleep?)
By
exile, at Wednesday, November 30, 2005 7:40:00 PM
i could say lots of things. but i'll just say one: you ARE a good person.
By
Anonymous, at Wednesday, November 30, 2005 7:51:00 PM
mitzee- i try to be, but sometimes my efforts are, well, let's just say i have a bad habbit of making messes. but the intentions are good
By
exile, at Wednesday, November 30, 2005 8:03:00 PM
Ex I sure understand the over thinking thing been there and done that. What I found is that while I am thinking somebody else is doing usually just what I had been thinking all along. My other problem has always been presentation I am a bull in a china closet and some people are just sooooooo smooth. Again I think you just have to go for it because she is right messes need towels and ya know sometimes the need for a towel is just what the dr ordered to cheer up you and your friend:-} By the way Ex........you are a good person.
By
truckdriver_sefl, at Thursday, December 01, 2005 5:37:00 AM
You ARE a good person... very sweet and giving. Now stop overthinking! xo
By
Shora, at Thursday, December 01, 2005 8:39:00 AM
the solution is: just stop giving if the person is not comfortable with it...then u don't have to overthink anything nor have the fear of making anyone feel awkward or guilty, and thus feeling the same yourself.
You said:
"I like to do something for someone who would enjoy what I can do for them. I guess I just like to feel needed, or appreciated (I'm selfish like that.)"
If the someone who you are doing it for is feeling guilty about it then they may not be enjoying it, which nulls the purpose you were doing it with in the first place. The personal desire to feel NEEDED and APPRECIATED is normal. All humans desire this, and perhaps some animals as well...but if that is being attained by "selfish" measures as you mentioned you are "selfish that way" than it is possible you are not getting the desired results in the end anyway. Just because someone doesn't want to be fauned over, doesn't mean they do not appreciate you as a person. The desire to feel NEEDED is a hard one. Many people are independent and do not NEED others to do things for them in a physical manner, but they may still need them emotionally, which is more valuable I would think anyway. Perhaps you need to not only stop rethinking your plans, but to start reevaluating your actions vs intentions. Surely your intentions are good, but if the action of your intention is not received the way you interperet it to be, or the way you wish it to be....then is it still with good intent, KNOWING it was not going to be before you actually acted upon your intention?
holy fucking tongue twisters...sorry...my philosophical self just came out and it's long and wordy...but hopefully you will get the gist of what i'm saying.
i think there are many people who appreciate you as a person. your intellect, humour, kindness, and overall sweetness, but they may not need for anyone to pamper them or primp them with gifts. a smile is worth a thousand cards....i once heard and it's very true.
By
Anonymous, at Thursday, December 01, 2005 10:00:00 AM
bec- "love, the the kind you up with a mop and bucket, like the lost catacmbs of egypt only god knows where we stuck it..."
truckdriver- yeah, i'm one cool frood who knows where is towel is.
shora- i dont' think i can stop over thinking things. when i try all i do is think about how not to over think...
mitzee- i know you're right, but sometimes i want to do more, esspecially when the person deserves it. a lot of times poeple don't understand that they deserve better than they get, i intervine and wind up in the mix. i'm caught in the situation of either doing nothing and seeing no good come to the person or doing something and running the risk. results are 50/50, but i only do it for those who are worth it.
pinkie- this is true, i guess it comes down to the spider and butter fly thing. if a butter fly is in a web, what do you do? save the butter fly and the spider dies, leave it and the butter fly dies.
By
exile, at Thursday, December 01, 2005 5:37:00 PM
No brainer... save the butterfly!
By
Shora, at Friday, December 02, 2005 9:05:00 AM
shora- you're a butter fly
By
exile, at Friday, December 02, 2005 8:47:00 PM
stop making me fall in love with you, for pete's sake.
By
mistipurple, at Tuesday, December 06, 2005 8:19:00 PM
misti- don't make me buy you a present too, hehehe. if it helps any i usually have to buy things on discount or make the things by hand.
By
exile, at Tuesday, December 06, 2005 8:31:00 PM
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