Random Memory: Look'n For Treasure

Back in the day...
Waaaaay back in the day, i used to go look'n for treasure.

I was about 18/19 years old my friend Peter introduced me to something that he started a year before... Throwing Bread


Throwing Bread?
throwing Bread.
Throwing Bread?
no ya perv, just Throwing Bread.

allow me to explain so you can understand...
OK, allow me to just explain, i don't know if you'll understand.

See, grocery stores have a policy that when bread gets old they throw it out. but the new to old bread ratio in your average grocery story means that they have to throw out a lot of this old bread. when it comes to the employment system of grocery stores, the average cart monkey doesn't really like their job (shocking). so in order to do their half ass job in a half ass manner (quarter ass?), they cut corners. One such corner is when it's midnight and it's their turn to throw out the old bread. so instead of taking it out and throwing it in a dumpster they will often just fill up a shopping cart and push it behind the store to feed the homeless (community service in action.)

This is where Peter and I enter the story.

Peter found out about this useless fact and realized that this was too damn weird to pass up. so he thought "what could i use this for..." thus an Epiphany was reached.

late at night, peter would set out and reclaim this forsaken bread and, well throw it. but the thing was, Peter didn't want to do anything "bad" so we would always throw the bread on his friend's lawns. we'd set out ever weekend and do this (obviously neither of us were getting laid). we'd hit someones house and put the bread (while still in the bags) all over the place. hang it from the door handles, on car antenna's, and if you had mail box we'd stuff it full.

Then, one night, there was no bread, not one store had bread... but we continued on, eventually we started looking behind other types of stores, looking for other stuff...

We were looking for Treasure!

you'd be amazed what's behind these stores.
oh sure, there are urine stained couches, urine stained mattresses, and urine stained urine (it's urine-errific!). but there there's other stuff.

Behind different pet stores i found a perfectly good fish tank which i used to hold rats for herb (when he wasn't hungry), and even a really big ass tank that i rebuilt to hold Herb!

(you wondered where i got that big bastard of a tank from, didn't ya?)

Then one Saturday night, we found the mother load!
Behind the local Ralph's, we found what seemed like an infinite supply of Cinnamon Rolls! imagine it, Two by Three aluminum trays with clear tops full of Cinnamon Rolls. we loaded the car to capacity with these things, the trunk, the back seat, all the way to the roof! we decided that the person to be blessed with this mess would be a Girl named Stacey. Stacey went to high school with Peter, she had a huge crush on him but he was too much of nerd to realize it, so we decided to build a fort of Cinnamon rolls around around her car. (like i said, we had a lot of these things)

a week later I met up with Peter, he printed out the e-mail and read it to me (I'll paraphrase, it's been almost 10 years):

Dear Peter,

Awwwwww, you guys are the sweetest things ever! i can't believe you bought all those Cinnamon Rolls for us, and right before our big church outing too!

Thank you and your friend so much for getting all those for us. Everyone loved them.

Hugs and squishes,
Stacey

yep...

Peter confessed to her that he didn't buy them, but whether she ever told the church we'll never know...






Exile