I Blame Amber

Unnnnngh...

Oh sweet dead baby Jesus I feel sick...

I feel like something is chewing my way out of my stomach, and it's in a hurry.

so why does my stomach hurt?

it's all Amber's fault.

it's also Imbarito's fault (Spanish for Little Amber.)

here's the story.

My roommate Amber, calls me on my way home:
Amber- I just wanted to let you know that when you come home there's pigeon
Exile- a pigeon?
Amber- yeah.
Exile- Um, ok.
Amber- well, I though it was you
Exile- I'm sure you did.
Amber- No, I heard something at the door, and I thought I was you trying to come in, so, like a dope, I kept opening the door, but no one was there. And then I was this pigeon.
Exile- and?
Amber- and it won't leave.
Exile- is it dead
Amber- no, and it wants to come in
Exile- well, don't let it in
Amber- well duh, I just thought I'd let you know so when you came home you could take care of it.
Exile- I'll make sure to step on it.


So I arrive home and sure enough there's a pigeon sitting on my door mat. So, in my coming-home-tired-kind-of-way, I asked it to leave. Then I asked it with the side of my foot. (relax PETA) I gently scooted it with my foot, but it didn't' run or fly away, it just nuzzled my foot. So I went inside and grabbed my "pigeon chuck'n gloves" and scooped the flying rat up.

here's the kicker... it let me.

it didn't peck, scratch, or even complain, it just coo-ed a little. So I looked around the complex (pigeon in hand, Amber in tail) and there was no place to throw the bird. So it was back to the Condo where we tried to call the animal protection people. Turns out no one give a shit about pigeons (naturally). While in the clear box that I put the pigeon in (which was not in my condo) the damn thing became attached to me. How do I know, you may ask? Well, the bird started to freak out if I walked away, but calmed down if I came back. (what can I say, chicks dig me.) BTW, this is not a baby, this is a full grown pigeon...

so I figured I'd send the pigeon to the one place I knew would take it... My Grandma...

so after dropping off the bird my Grandma made me stay and eat (while both her and amber humiliated me with a hat...).

Ok, you're thinking Grandma=homecook'n=yum

this isn't' the case. My grandma is... Um... Well, she's my nuts. The chicken noodle soup has noodles that look like they're made out of spewdum and chunks of real undercooked chicken ("where are the other chickens she had," I wondered). Yeah... Well, I had to eat it because (1.) it would hurt her feels if I didn't and (2.) she hits me when I don't eat her cooking.

the chicken noodle soup has been pecking it's way out of me all day today

so as I run spell check on this entry and simultaneously run to the restroom remember to thank Amber for this adventure and post, cause you know I'm going to...




Nature's D Student


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com