One Last Good-bye

as i mentioned in my last post I've been really busy, and these last two months have been the hardest.

I've written a couple posts on here about my grandma on here, I'm sure some of you even remember her tricking me into going to church (bleck.)

i honestly don't know how to start this, so I'll just vent and see where it goes...

my grandma was always a bit of a hypochondriac, as most old people are, and it wasn't the first time she had been in the hospital. but this time was different, there wasn't any "woe is me" nonsense, this was it.

it's amazing how quickly something so huge can happen. i remember my grandma calling me to pick up her new prescription on a Thursday, she was in the hospital on Monday, and the hospice nurse was scheduled to come out the following Wednesday.

she lived long enough for the family to gather around her and say their goodbyes. i stayed until midnight with her, she passed shortly after i left that night.

My grandma passed away on October Fifth, and since then I've been putting my Unemployed time to good use setting her affairs in order. as with many of the "children of the depression" she was a pack rat and every week has been us working in shifts attempting to sort through her "treasures."

we loaded nine dumpsters and three U-Haul trucks full of old plants, pots, broken furniture. we've dug up plants that had rooted their way through the black plastic containers they were in. all to make enough room in her house to hold the funeral there.

a week after the funeral those closest to her, (my mom, dad, brother, and I) took off the the Mojave Dry Lake bed to spread her ashes. Of course, in a truly perfect fashion, when my mom spread my grandmother's ashes she totally Big Lebowski'ed it...


that's right, we intended to leave grandma in the desert, but she followed us home, in our shoes and shirts... (moral of the story, check the wind before you open the can.)



Good-bye grandma, we love and miss you... even through you were crazy. hehehe


this picture was taken at her last birthday, she always said it was her favorite birthday ever. (that's me in the bowling in the back ground.)



Exile

Releaving Some Pressure **Update**

well, my night was supposed to be all about being a the squad leader in resistance 2 and getting more trophies (cause i'm a trophy whore). but a series of frantic calls have me sitting in the ER with my grandma. turns out her blood pressure went insane and a very nasty infection took hold of her leg. she should be ok now, but we've only been here for two hours, so we'll have to wait to see a doctor before we know for sure.

**Update**

ok, first and foremost, Granny is doing fine, and thank you for asking.

what happened is that a week ago a car door slammed on her leg leaving a bruise the size of my fist on her leg. well, the pressure from the bruise built up so bad on her leg that she was in constant pain. and with the Diabeties it caused her blood pressure to go through the roof. when we finally got to see a doctor they numbed her a bit and drained fluid from the lump. (there was atleast 3 syringes full).

it hurt her real bad to do it, but she started to feel better afterwards... ocourse, the two whopping Vicodin helped out. hehehe.

it's pretty funny, on our way home the conversation started like this:

1. "no, it doesn't hurt to get in the truck, i think it's getting better"

2. "oh, hunn-ito, i think the medicine they gave me is working, the bumps on the free way don't hurt no more."

3. "that Perk-a-said seems to work better, i think i need to remember the name of it."

4. (getting out of the truck) "i can walk, oh for the first time in weeks i can walk and i don't feel any pain."

5. "I feel so good honey... i think i'm going to go to sleep now."

yep, she was out like a light.

so long and the short of it we got to the ER at 6:30pm and i finally got her home and tucked in at 2:30am. at first i was kinda pissed that my mom kinda dumped the repsonsiblility of taking care of grandma on me. but i think she knew there was no way she could have stayed up till 3AM taking care of Granny.

of course, my mom called me at 7am the next tday to see how everyting went... yup, othing like five hours of sleep to do the body good.

Grandma's Hero

I was feeling kinda down in the dumps yesterday when I got a call from my
dad. my grandma's Cable Box was on the fritz and my dad had been working to
fix it for an hour with no avail. I tried to trouble shoot it, over the
phone but he had a little too much frustration and too little patience for
me and my nerd talk.

the thing about my family is that I'm the IT Department for my family. I fix
computers, download photos, repair projects, and install TV/VCR/DVD/Cable
components. usually I get so immersed in what I'm doing that I tend to
forget that no one can understand my logic when I'm in this zone. The way I
set up my grandma's TV is no exception.

See, here's the deal, my Grandma is old (like most grandmas) and she doesn't
get how technology works (again, like most grandmas). so I simplify things
for her so she and work them. for example, I rigged up her TV/VCR/DVD/Cable
components through an AV switch box with big friendly buttons and labeled it
all with Sharpies. now whenever she wants to watch something she just has to
click down the big friendly button and the input switches over to that unit.
I did this because sometimes the power goes out (for whatever reason) and
all my "programming" of these devices get rest. so a hardwired system means
less confusion for grandma.

but I digress...

so before heading out to bowling I jaunted over to Grandma's to assess the
situation. my first thought was that someone was tinkering with the set up
(hard wiring usually results in lots of tangled wires), and my dad had
mentioned one cable was not plugged in. but on my arrival I noticed that
everything was exactly where I left it. so I started working with the
remote.

it was the damnest thing, I could get the program guide to come up, but no
matter the show I selected the TV would just stay blank. I turned it off,
turned it on, wiggled the cables, pulled the memory card thingy (very
technical). meanwhile poor Grandma was blaming her self, I reassured her by
saying "if it's taking me this long to figure it out, it would be impossible
for anyone else to." (sometimes I lie to Grandma.)

Finally after some tinkering it dawned on me the one thing that no one had
tried, rebooting the cable box. I remembered that because I was the one that
set it up the plug was ridiculously far behind the Entertainment Center, so
naturally, no one would think to unplug it (I have the longest arms in the
family).

once the obvious solution presented it's self I yanked the cord, plugged it
back in and the beast kicked back to life.

...and of course, being the tinker-er I am, I reconnected the power to a
surge protector with a big red switch so I could talk her through this on
the phone next time it happens.

she was so happy she got up and gave me a grandma hug and said, "being an
old person without TV is so hard, we're (the family) so lucky we have you,
you can't ever move away."

a small victory, but I have to admit it does feel nice to be appreciated
every once in a while.

Shag?

grandma gave me some stuff for the grage sale... i guess this vacume is finally too old for her

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And Now, Quality Time With Grandma...

In our family we do something called Grandma Time.
Grandma Time came about when my Grandpa Ray died a few years back on
Christmas.

We all agreed to make extra time every so often to visit with my Grandma.

now, the reason this is something we had to "make time for" is that Grandma
is a bit, well crazy.

Most grandma's invite you over for cookies and show you the sweater they
knitted for you. My grandma, not so much.

A grandma visit usually entails listening to her prattle on about how her
two oldest children are the most wonderful things ever, even though they've
stolen from her for most of her life, while referring to my mom as only a
"foot note" in the story. (my mom has done more for her than anyone ever.)
Grandma also likes to talk about her medical conditions, some are real, some
are fake, they're all disgusting. she also regales anyone who will listen
with stories about how her Chihuahua's stools are yellow and runny.

The one thing that really gets my goat (which is usually gotten) is her Pity
Parties. no matter the conversation it's always a woe-is-me that ends with
"and no one ever visits me..." But the thing is there is always one of us
over there, it's free food which draws my brother in, but it's pretty
inedible, unlike other grannies, my likes to cook with spoiled food.
(mmmm... undercooked chicken, no wonder the dog has mustard shit.)

so last night I did my "tour of duty" last night with grandma and on out way
to Coco's (which is yummy), she "invited me to a pity party"

Grandma- your brother came by for a visit last week
Exile- he's a good guy like that
Grandma- I told him not to buy me anything for Christmas (welcome to July)
Exile- oh really? why's that?
Grandma- (in her sad voice) I told him I didn't want him to buy me anything,
just come over one hour a month and that will be enough of a Christmas
present for me
Exile- (rolling eyes under my sunglasses) you don't say
Grandma- you know, if you want you don't have to buy me anything either,
just come over one hour a month and that's good for me
Exile- can't I just buy you something instead? (followed with a big grin)

she laughed when I said that, most likely because not only was it well
timed, but she knows she can't manipulate me with pity (and I think she
likes knowing I'm not that much of a sap).

Of course, on our way home from Coco's she farted in my truck and I nearly
gagged from the stench. (it smelled like someone left a corpse in the
dumpster of Tai Restaurant.)

Exile

HNT- Half(ass-ed) Nekk'ed Thursday

So, HNT totally slipped my mind this week, actually it slipped in between the cracks of my mind where the remote always winds up along with some loose change.

The fact is that last night I was on Grandma Duty, ever since Ray died she's been kinda helpless around the house, so when the power went out yesterday it reset everything in her house and caused her alarm to chirp every minute. So with all the reprogramming and alarm company calling I had no time to download my digital camera.

Luckily Shora has given me an out on my HNT by providing a pic your beloved Exile.*




*Personally, I think I look more like Osbasso in this pic.

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

I Blame Amber

Unnnnngh...

Oh sweet dead baby Jesus I feel sick...

I feel like something is chewing my way out of my stomach, and it's in a hurry.

so why does my stomach hurt?

it's all Amber's fault.

it's also Imbarito's fault (Spanish for Little Amber.)

here's the story.

My roommate Amber, calls me on my way home:
Amber- I just wanted to let you know that when you come home there's pigeon
Exile- a pigeon?
Amber- yeah.
Exile- Um, ok.
Amber- well, I though it was you
Exile- I'm sure you did.
Amber- No, I heard something at the door, and I thought I was you trying to come in, so, like a dope, I kept opening the door, but no one was there. And then I was this pigeon.
Exile- and?
Amber- and it won't leave.
Exile- is it dead
Amber- no, and it wants to come in
Exile- well, don't let it in
Amber- well duh, I just thought I'd let you know so when you came home you could take care of it.
Exile- I'll make sure to step on it.


So I arrive home and sure enough there's a pigeon sitting on my door mat. So, in my coming-home-tired-kind-of-way, I asked it to leave. Then I asked it with the side of my foot. (relax PETA) I gently scooted it with my foot, but it didn't' run or fly away, it just nuzzled my foot. So I went inside and grabbed my "pigeon chuck'n gloves" and scooped the flying rat up.

here's the kicker... it let me.

it didn't peck, scratch, or even complain, it just coo-ed a little. So I looked around the complex (pigeon in hand, Amber in tail) and there was no place to throw the bird. So it was back to the Condo where we tried to call the animal protection people. Turns out no one give a shit about pigeons (naturally). While in the clear box that I put the pigeon in (which was not in my condo) the damn thing became attached to me. How do I know, you may ask? Well, the bird started to freak out if I walked away, but calmed down if I came back. (what can I say, chicks dig me.) BTW, this is not a baby, this is a full grown pigeon...

so I figured I'd send the pigeon to the one place I knew would take it... My Grandma...

so after dropping off the bird my Grandma made me stay and eat (while both her and amber humiliated me with a hat...).

Ok, you're thinking Grandma=homecook'n=yum

this isn't' the case. My grandma is... Um... Well, she's my nuts. The chicken noodle soup has noodles that look like they're made out of spewdum and chunks of real undercooked chicken ("where are the other chickens she had," I wondered). Yeah... Well, I had to eat it because (1.) it would hurt her feels if I didn't and (2.) she hits me when I don't eat her cooking.

the chicken noodle soup has been pecking it's way out of me all day today

so as I run spell check on this entry and simultaneously run to the restroom remember to thank Amber for this adventure and post, cause you know I'm going to...




Nature's D Student


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Merry Exile-mas

This year we opened our presents on Christmas Eve, everything went well, everyone was here. Mom, Dad, Joe, My Cousin (and husband), and my Grandma. My grandpa didn’t attend though, due to a case of the flu he decided to stay home.

The presents all went well, and yes, the flying pig hat was a huge success.

Unfortunately the evening did not end well at all

December 24, 2005, my Grandpa, Raymond Chang died.

We found the body around 10:30, it looks like the flu had taken the last of his strength and he collapsed on the floor. My family and I sprung into action as soon as we heard (I don’t think I drove slower than 90 on the way over to my grandmother’s house.) The sheriff proceeded with the barrage of questions that always surround death. Around midnight the Neptune Society arrived to away the body. My Mom and I elected to clean up the bathroom and bedroom where he had an “accident” before he passed. The family entrusted me to handle the phone calls with the Neptune Society and wait for them to arrive because I don’t sleep. I was there at 2:00am when they came to take his body, I signed the paperwork while everyone else either went home or stayed to consol my Grandma.

There was one moment that broke my heart; it was grandma’s goodbye.

It’s always tough when someone you love dies, it’s even harder when it happens on a holiday. To be honest I’ve been in shock the entire time, it didn’t even dawn on me that he was really gone when I went in to cover the body.

“Oh hon-ito,” she said choking on tears. “You were such a good man, you were so kind, and sweet.” She began to cry and I steadied her. “Oh god, what am I going to do with out you,” she cried. “You weren’t that sick, you weren’t.” she attempted to tuck the blanket around him and began pulling at his shirt. “Was it your heart honey, did you heart give out on you.” She pulled the collar of his shirt exposing the scar that ran across his chest like a zipper. She began to shake as I helped her to her feet. “You’re so cold hon-ito,” she said turning to me. “I tried to warm him up, but his cheeks were so cold…” (When she found him earlier she thought he had just fallen out of the bed.)



It’s 4:30 on Christmas morning and I’m writing this, I can’t sleep, but I have to, tomorrow I have to go though Ray’s computer to look for anything we need to settle his affairs.


My mom said earlier, “You know, life always happens at like 3 am, babies, deaths, it’s always at like 3 am.”




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Real Quotes From My Family

This should explain something...

Dad- "it doesn't matter what color a woman is on the outside, they're all pink on the inside."

Mom- "I don't cook, but I can make margaritas"

Joe (my brother)- "the thing I love about 18 year olds is that no matter how old I get, they always stay the same age."

Angie (cousin)- "all dogs have fleas... Yeah they do, cause the mother eats her fleas and they go in her stomach and on the babies." (this is not a child, she's in her thirties...)

Steve (cousin's husband)- "sheesh, I piss in a water bottle and rub it on someone one time and you never let it go."

Bryce (cousin's 3yr old kid)- "no, mamma's stupid" (do you reprimand them if they're right?)

Grandma- "what is this chicken shit, that should have been a strike. Mark that as a strike honito" (that's from her while bowling. Yes, she cheats at bowling, but won't admit it.)

Ray (grandma's husband)- "yes dear" (he's very brave, very, very brave.)

Grandpa- "you know mejo, I'm going to show you how the Indian's made a fire. Get the diesel fuel." (this is the same man that duct taped my brother, as a baby, to the front of his motorcycle and took him to the desert. We have pictures.)




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

I can't believe my grandma tricked me, and I didn't even see it coming. I called her up to set up a visit, seeing as though I didn't visit on thanksgiving I figured I should plan out a visit so I can stay in the will. Yeah yeah, I'm a bad grandson. So I call her and she says she wants to watch a parade that the local church puts on. Already my stomach begins it's agonizing churn, but I agree. I figure I can stand out in the rain for half and hour, no big loss. Besides, old people can't stand for to long so no worries. On the drive up to see her I call again, this time she says it's pageant that lasts no longer than an hour. At this point I'm thinking "parade, pageant, they kind of sound similar, and she's old, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt." upon arrival I ask how long the pageant will be, after all, I had homework to do. (I didn't really, but I might have had homework, that's not important right now.) I finally show up, and after the hugs hello I find out that this "pageant" is an hour and a half long. Then to make things worse it is not a pageant, not in the least. I spent two and a half hours sitting in the most painful pews on the planet listening to a choir drone on and on about some baby being born. I would have given anything for a Molotov cocktail. From my understanding it was all about some guy who was a carpenter, but he must have been a pretty shitty one if he couldn't design a better bench. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't' read, your couldn't do anything. My brain was on the verge of hemorrhage by the first hour. Essentially it was a two and half hour masturbation of an arcane faith. Needless to say she tricked me, and it hurt. (I'm tearing up while writing this.)

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com