I can't believe my grandma tricked me, and I didn't even see it coming. I called her up to set up a visit, seeing as though I didn't visit on thanksgiving I figured I should plan out a visit so I can stay in the will. Yeah yeah, I'm a bad grandson. So I call her and she says she wants to watch a parade that the local church puts on. Already my stomach begins it's agonizing churn, but I agree. I figure I can stand out in the rain for half and hour, no big loss. Besides, old people can't stand for to long so no worries. On the drive up to see her I call again, this time she says it's pageant that lasts no longer than an hour. At this point I'm thinking "parade, pageant, they kind of sound similar, and she's old, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt." upon arrival I ask how long the pageant will be, after all, I had homework to do. (I didn't really, but I might have had homework, that's not important right now.) I finally show up, and after the hugs hello I find out that this "pageant" is an hour and a half long. Then to make things worse it is not a pageant, not in the least. I spent two and a half hours sitting in the most painful pews on the planet listening to a choir drone on and on about some baby being born. I would have given anything for a Molotov cocktail. From my understanding it was all about some guy who was a carpenter, but he must have been a pretty shitty one if he couldn't design a better bench. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't' read, your couldn't do anything. My brain was on the verge of hemorrhage by the first hour. Essentially it was a two and half hour masturbation of an arcane faith. Needless to say she tricked me, and it hurt. (I'm tearing up while writing this.)

Exile

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