Sometimes I feel guilty. I feel like I don't deserve the life I have. I have a cool apartment, and a wonderful girlfriend. And even when I take into account the suffering I've been through I still don't feel like I deserve this. I suppose this is something that few people could understand, but I will try to explain it anyways. My whole life has been a huge swelling of pain. Emotionally trounced by everyone who has passed through me life I feel like that is the way it should be. Essentially it is set up like this. If you lived your entire life in the dark then daylight would feel horribly unnatural. In the prison system it's call being institutionalized. For a gothy this would be far too fitting, "my life is a deep dark prison of deep dark pitty ness." so this is where I stand. I am constantly reminded of the life I used to have and I always fear that it will come crashing down all around me. Like the way you would imagine the space station finally falling to earth years after humanity has come to it's violent end. It's like being on vacation, I have the beautiful girlfriend who I love with everything I have and so on, but sometimes it feels temporary. But I do fight, I will fight. I fight the guilt, I fight the feeling like I have to leave, but more importantly I fight for her. After all she's all I have and worth the fight.

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com