.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Exile Industries: Department of Redundancy Department

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Meeting Mom and Dad, a self help article

“Dinner with your folks? That sounds great… What? What do you mean I’m sweating? It’s just hot, that’s all… What do you mean it’s only 70 degrees in here?”

Ah yes, meeting your girlfriend’s parents for dinner, no matter how you look at this meal, it’s going to be awkward. There is a most definite chance you’re going to catch “foot-in-mouth” disease and you’re most likely going to reassure Dad’s dislike and Mom’s distrust. But don’t panic, there is a way to navigate this most perilous feasts, and I’m here to help you out. I’m going to walk you though this potentially disastrous dinner and with any luck you might just curry some favor with the “rents.”

The Introduction- Ever hear the phrase “you only get one chance to make a first impression?” It’s true, and it’s a lasting one too. Here is where many would be suitors go wrong so keep these tips in mind when meeting Mom and Dad.

1. Know their names. There is nothing worse than forgetting their names, even if you call them Mr. and Mrs. Make sure you know their first names incase you need address them directly.

2. Use a clear voice, when you say hello don’t whimper and don’t yell. Be direct and be clear.

3. Be confident but not cocky, show them that you deserve to date their daughter and that you appreciate her as well.

4. The handshake. Dad will most likely shake you’re hand when you first meet him. Greet his squeeze with equal pressure, but do not try and out squeeze him. He’s the man of the house; respect that. When Mom shakes your hand watch the motion of her hand if it is knuckles up cradle her fingers in your hand and tip your head toward it. If she holds her hand vertically give it a gentle firm shake, and don’t crush her.

The Conversation- This is one of the moments you’ve been dreading, what to do what to say. There’s no step-by-step recipe for the perfect conversation, your best bet is to just let it flow. Just remember these common conversational rules to keep your self from getting in over your head.

1. Compliment the home, all moms take pride in their homes and this is the perfect means of giving an indirect complimenting.

2. Thank Mom and Dad for having you over for dinner, this will show appreciation and manners.

3. Avoid talking about religion, politics, and sex. There is no way any of these conversations can end well.

4. Leave the innuendos out. Logically, if you’re having sex with anyone, you’re having it with their daughter.

5. Good topics are school, work, and cars. This can give you an opportunity to show that you’re future minded and responsible.

6. Talk about your parents in a positive light. Mom and Dad will be very impressed with the view you have of your parents and will draw a direct correlation.

Dinner- Remember all those manners your parents attempted to drill into your head? Yeah, you need them now. Before you start worrying which side of the plate the salad fork is on you only need to remember these main rules.

1. Say that the food looks great, even if it’s just hotdogs. Score extra points with Mom by subtly mentioning that your mom “doesn’t cook this good.”

2. Don’t talk with your mouth full, the irony of a dinner meeting is your going to get questioned while you’re eating. Take small bites so when you’re asked something you can swallow and answer.

3. No shoveling! It doesn’t matter how hungry you are or where you grew up eat slowly.

4. Keep your elbows off the table, your napkin on your lap, and the food off your face. Here’s a tip, if you keep wiping your mouth with your napkin you’ll have your arms off the table, face clean, and napkin in place.

5. After the meal mention the good quality of the meal, thank them for the meal, and offer to clean up. This won’t leave you washing dishes, just carrying them to the kitchen sink.

After Dinner- The preliminaries are out of the way and you’re in the main stretch, the bases are loaded and a field goal is within your grasp. But if a string of mixed metaphors isn’t giving you the confidence you need, keep these night ending tips in mind.

1. If you’re thinking there may be a conversational trap laid out for you steer the discussion in another direction.

2. Use your strengths, rely on your humor and wit, don’t try and be something you’re not.

3. When you’re sitting with your girlfriend limit your PDA (Public Displays of Affection) around Mom and Dad. Hand holding and light kissing is ok, just don’t make out and don’t rest your hands on her lap.

4. During your “goodbyes” or the evening make sure you thank Mom and Dad for the hospitality.

5. If you’re offered a drink politely refuse it, make mention that you want a clear head when you drive and this will show that you are a responsible person.

Red Alert- Sometimes no matter the effort you put in sometimes Mom and Dad try and get your goat. If you are faced with said goat nabbing try and keep your cool.

1. Don’t trade insults, if insults are coming your way deflect them, don’t act hurt and don’t try and insult back. Show that you’re above it, this will impress your girlfriend

2. “I use’ta castrate bulls and still remember how.” If Dad uses some lame threat statement like this to intimidate you fire back a question on the topic or an interesting fact. Dad is expecting you to show fear; he’s not expecting a different response.

3. Don’t take sides in any arguments between Mom, Dad, and/or your girlfriend. If you are caught in the middle you can agree with your girlfriend but don’t forget it’s a family thing.

4. If for some reason Mom and Dad are trying to embarrass your girlfriend make it very clear that you don’t think less of her. You can either bring up comparably embarrassing information about yourself or just say that she’s wonderful despite the anecdote.

With all the tips and tricks you’re going to have boiling around in your head remember why it is you’re there. Remember that you’re crazy about the girl sitting next you and that you’re not dating her parents, you’re dating her. She’s going to appreciate how hard you’re trying and it’s going to reflect positively on you. Though all of this don’t feel like you’re alone, after all, if it starts going badly your girlfriend will be far more embarrassed. Of course, if that sort of thing gives you comfort well…


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

6 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home