And Now, Quality Time With Grandma...

In our family we do something called Grandma Time.
Grandma Time came about when my Grandpa Ray died a few years back on
Christmas.

We all agreed to make extra time every so often to visit with my Grandma.

now, the reason this is something we had to "make time for" is that Grandma
is a bit, well crazy.

Most grandma's invite you over for cookies and show you the sweater they
knitted for you. My grandma, not so much.

A grandma visit usually entails listening to her prattle on about how her
two oldest children are the most wonderful things ever, even though they've
stolen from her for most of her life, while referring to my mom as only a
"foot note" in the story. (my mom has done more for her than anyone ever.)
Grandma also likes to talk about her medical conditions, some are real, some
are fake, they're all disgusting. she also regales anyone who will listen
with stories about how her Chihuahua's stools are yellow and runny.

The one thing that really gets my goat (which is usually gotten) is her Pity
Parties. no matter the conversation it's always a woe-is-me that ends with
"and no one ever visits me..." But the thing is there is always one of us
over there, it's free food which draws my brother in, but it's pretty
inedible, unlike other grannies, my likes to cook with spoiled food.
(mmmm... undercooked chicken, no wonder the dog has mustard shit.)

so last night I did my "tour of duty" last night with grandma and on out way
to Coco's (which is yummy), she "invited me to a pity party"

Grandma- your brother came by for a visit last week
Exile- he's a good guy like that
Grandma- I told him not to buy me anything for Christmas (welcome to July)
Exile- oh really? why's that?
Grandma- (in her sad voice) I told him I didn't want him to buy me anything,
just come over one hour a month and that will be enough of a Christmas
present for me
Exile- (rolling eyes under my sunglasses) you don't say
Grandma- you know, if you want you don't have to buy me anything either,
just come over one hour a month and that's good for me
Exile- can't I just buy you something instead? (followed with a big grin)

she laughed when I said that, most likely because not only was it well
timed, but she knows she can't manipulate me with pity (and I think she
likes knowing I'm not that much of a sap).

Of course, on our way home from Coco's she farted in my truck and I nearly
gagged from the stench. (it smelled like someone left a corpse in the
dumpster of Tai Restaurant.)

Exile