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Exile Industries: Department of Redundancy Department

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Meeting? Just For Me? Awwwww, You Shouldn't Have

There was a meeting scheduled yesterday.

The meeting was scheduled for 8:30 am, but I'm not scheduled to work until
8:45 am, so even though I was ten minuets early for work I was still five
minuets late for my meeting. (luckily the meeting was postponed twenty
minuets, so it all worked out.)

so with much ado about nothing the meeting finally commences.

first I show up with my coworkers followed by my boss.
a while later (as my boss was just about to call off the meeting) the head
of HR walks in with the "former" Owner of the company and the "new owner" of
the company. (my company was recently sold, but that's going to be it's own
blog post.)

the meeting starts out with the "new owner" re introducing him self to us
(we've all met before, but he didn't know who we were). then, the "higher
ups" started talking about new opportunities and how "some people have been
down sized."

(a cold sweat).

be it my imagination or what have you, but all eyes seem to be on me now.
(when did they install a spotlight in the conference room?)

as I start thinking of where to find a cardboard box to clear out my desk
(and possibly live in) they finally say "who's position is going to no
longer be needed"...

My boss.
(bullet officially dodged)

now, I know I've had my differences with my boss (aka Boss Man) but he's
still a pretty good guy. so it's not like I wanted to see him go.

but here's where the title of this post actually ties in (the post titles
have relevance?)

See, the scuttlebutt around the shop was that they were going to let my boss
go. I didn't hear it directly, but the occasional whisper here and there
fueled the rumor machine and soon everyone knew. so by the time I finally
got to the meeting it turned out that everyone in the meeting; My coworkers,
My boss, The head of HR, owners both new and old, everyone knew about my
boss's employment status but me.

so yesterday they had an entire meeting, where they pulled in all the big
wigs, and the remnants of my department all for me. (a meeting which they
scheduled before my shift actually starts.)


ah, bureaucracy


exile

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Haiku Fridays

oat_meal
Ah diarrhea
it makes a nummy breakfast
And good for you too!

shoe_polish_boxers
the bathroom at work:
Shoe polish and boxers?
Black Shoed Commando!


On may the tenth
Internet will be restored
(I have missed you porn)





(this was supposed to be posted friday, but lack of internet connection made posting the pics impossible)

Exile

Labels:

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

HNL- Half Nekk'ed Lunch

Lunch time again, and as I am on the starving college student budget plan
it's Ramen Time!

(well, instant lunch, if you wanna be picky)

<<cup of noodles.jpg>>

On a side note, while I was making up my lunch today I went to the drawer
where we keep the plastic utensils. forks and knifes, but no spoons.

so I went to the supply cabinets and all I could find were boxes of plastic
knives but no spoons.

it wasn't until I opened the third box of knives that I started to giggle...


"if figures. ten thousand knives, when all you need is a spoon... isn't that
ironic? don't ya think?"

exile

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Did A Dog Take A Watery Shit In A Styrofoam Cup? Oh Wait, That's Your Breakfast

I have a pet peeve...

ok, ok, i have numerous pet peeves, but this one need light shed upon it.

This pet peeve has to do with food, particularly, my food.

let me lay it out for you. every morning when i get to work i clock in, find out what our work status is, then i sneak off to make my breakfast of oatmeal and tea.

after stirring up my brew i returned to the lab and set the cup of oatmeal and cup of tea at my computer and walked away.

when i walked back i see two of my co-workers hovering over my meager little breakfast

Coworker 1- What is that?
Coworker 2- God, i have no idea.
Coworker 1- it looks disgusting.
Exile- *walks up behind the coworkers* what's disgusting?
Coworker 2- what ever is in that cup.
Coworker 1- yeah, that stuff looks nasty
Exile- um, it's oat meal.
Coworker 2- *steps away* yeah, and it looks like the cream turned in your tea
Exile- i dunno why, but the orange tea always makes the cream clump.
coworker 1- it must be the citric acid
Exile- yeah
coworker 1- yeah, or it went bad
Exile- you know i still have to eat this
Coworker 2- well that explains why you're always so sick.
Exile- *grabs the tea and takes a big sip* ack
Coworker 1- what's wrong?
Exile- *gasping* i guess the "in your face sip" wasn't a good idea with hot tea.


ok, i don't care if my oat meal looks like barf.
IT'S MY OATMEAL!

(so let me just eat my barf in peace)


Exile

Friday, April 18, 2008

Haiku Fridays

No more internet
need to get service again
looking for a deal

four days without it
porn, YouTube, blogging, chatting...
"will work for WiFi"

I cannot feed it
my internet addiction
and I'm jonesing bad

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

HNM- Half Nekk'ed Mess

So, as you recall, last week i had an HNT Contest.

the big question was, what was the meaning behind the number "27.92?"

and Sprinkles was the winner!

at first, her inclination was to make me pose in a pair of Elephant Undies


but she decided on something else.
(decided after much persistence on my part hehehe)

after scrolling through the pictures from this weekend she decided that the HNT this week should be what state we left my condo in....

messy

yes, we are messy bitches...
(are those knee pads? hehehe)

So congratulation's Sprinkles, and i hope you enjoyed the weekend
(i know i did)




btw, don't moon a chick when she says she's "just looking" at the pictures on your camera...

butt

(chances are, she's lying. hehehe)



HHNT


Exile

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Monday, April 14, 2008

"I Forgot Something"

(my internet connection is going to be down for a while, so while i'll try to write from work, i might be neglecting the blogs a bit. i just hope this tides you all over until i'm up and running again)


"I Forgot Something"

The sunlight seems incredibly bright today, but that’s to be expected seeing as though it’s the first time we’ve left the house all day. I hold his hand as we walk to his truck, I smile as he kisses the back of my hand, it’s just one of his “wordless ways” of telling me he loves me. When we get to the passenger side of his truck he lets go of my hand for a moment to fish his keys out of his pocket.

Before his keys make their way to the lock he pulls them away from the door.

“Oh, babe,” he says, putting his keys back in his pocket. “I forgot something, wanna come back upstairs with me to get it?”

“Of course,” I say with a smile and squeeze his hand in mine.

I’ve only been to his place a few times, but as he leads the way I already know where I’m going. So far from where I live, but being with him, I just feel like I’m going home.

Back inside his place our hands are separated again as we walk through the door. He walks towards his room motioning me to follow him.

“It’s somewhere in here,” he says disappearing into his dark bedroom.

I push the door open, but my bag behind the door stops it from opening all the way, I slip in the room and he finds what he was looking for.

In the dark his hands find me and pull me into his arms, his right hand finds It’s way to the back of my neck. The kiss that follows is deep and passionate, I can almost taste his desire for me.

His hands are running all over my body, pulling at my clothes, but I can’t break his kiss. With a strategic tug, my bra unhooks. Even with my clothes still on I suddenly feel very naked before him, exposed. With lips fused I can feel him smiling, it’s as if his hands are moving independently, separate entities, each with their own agenda.

He pulls away for just a moment and as my eyes open my vision darkens; his right hand has pulled my shirt over my head, blinding me. As the shirt slides it’s way up my arms in an agonizingly slow pace I feel him kissing my neck, his teeth grazing against my skin, electric.

I can feel the heat from his breath as his mouth comes close to mine, then, as if the entire world holds it’s breath, he gives me the lightest of kisses. I sigh and lean in for more, but he’s already pulled away again. I feel his hand balling my shirt up near my wrist as I realize that I still can’t see anything beyond the inside of my shirt. His other hand grasps my bra between the cups. The shirt is pulled quickly from over my head and off my arms and is thrown to one side of the room, his hand other hand pulls at the bra, bringing my arms down as the bra too is thrown to the other side of the room.

My breasts, now freed from what little clothes I had left remind me of how badly the want him as he pulls me close. The decal on his t-shirt brushes against my breasts reminding me that not only his he still fully clothed, but that my nipples are so sensitive they ache.

He kneels before me grasping my breasts and pulling them to his mouth, he licks and sucks at them as if he’s starving. A ravenous animal bent on consuming me body and soul, and I’m inclined to let him. I run my hand up the back of his neck, and then drag my nails across his scalp. I think to my self that if he’s going to be an animal, then he’s going to be my animal and I pull his head closer.

He growls that throaty growl that I’ve heard so many times before and I feel his teeth, he bites at my nipples and I moan. For a moment I am amazed at his control when he does this, a bite hard enough to give me pleasure, but no hard enough to cause pain.

With his mouth taking turns teasing my nipples it dawns on me that his hands were not just kneading at my ass, but rather they were still on their hidden agenda. Between the licks and bites he had managed to undo my belt, my buttons, and my zipper.

A journey of kisses down my belly ended with my pants falling to a pile on the floor. My lacey black thong is now the only thing standing between him and what he wants, and I don’t think the thong will be an obstacle.

His kisses bring his mouth to the edge of my thong, nothing but a thin waistband and very little material. As I wait for him to simply rip them off me, he stops.

I stifle my deep breath as wait.

He extends his tongue and lightly trails it along the line of my panties. My head rolls back and I inhale deeply. How can he go from ravenous to torturous?

I want to grab him by the ears and tell him to fuck me.

Throw my leg over his shoulder and shove that deliciously evil tongue in my pussy

But I can’t.

All I can to is stand there and watch as he drags his wet tongue along that elastic band, and feels electricity course through my flesh as he blows a stream of cool air across that line he’s traced across me.

I shift my feet and as my legs brush against each other I realize just how wet I am as a single drop inches it’s way down my leg. Embarrassment may be the first thing that would enter someone’s mind at the thought of this, but in the moment I was quite pleased. With out saying a word I’m giving him exactly what he wants, I’m showing him the effect he has on me.

Sure enough, one of his hands that have been running up and down my legs, squeezing at my ass, has found that single droplet of moisture. His mouth, which had been occupied kissing my belly, vibrates with a dark laugh. His right hand slides up the inside of my left thigh and glides back up the wet trail left by the droplet. His fingertips find the base of my thong and slide in between my lips and the fabric. He pulls my thong away from my lips and as he exhales his breath dances across my soaking wet pussy. He rubs the backs of his fingers against me as he runs the throng through his hand. Pressing against my lips his thumb rubs my clit through the lacey fabric.

His fingers slide free from the thong as his mouth brushes over the place his thumb once held. Even through the lacey and fabric I can feel his lips against my clit. With lips pressed against my thong he takes a deep breath, his teeth are exposed. He snarls like a beast and begins teasing me through my panties with his teeth. My back arches and my feet attempt to spread, but my ankles are still bound in my jeans.

He begins biting and sucking at me through my soaking wet thong. His hand races up my leg and this time when he slides his fingers past the thong they dive into pussy. I so wet there is no resistance as he enters me. My body stiffens and I’m on my toes for a moment, that is, until he starts pumping his fingers in and out of my pussy. He changes his pace up; slow so I’ll feel every inch of his fingers as the slide through my lips, fast so my pussy is running down his arm, and deep making me moan hard. On one deep push into my sopping wet pussy he holds his fingers deep and with the same hand pushes the front of my thong of the way, out of his way.

He wants my clit, and he takes it. Slowly at first, licking just at the hood, but soon his tongue finds it’s way to the head of my clit and attacks it. My feet begin to shuffle on the floor as my hands reach for some part of him to grab hold of.

My head rolls back my mind begins to float, the only thing that snaps me back is when I feel his mouth leave my pussy and my thong slid back into place. Before I can say anything he’s standing before me. He takes me by the back of the neck and kisses me deeply. I can taste myself on his lips, salty, wet, just how he likes me.

He sits me down on the bed and as he pulls his shirt over his head I can see the tip of his dick pushing it’s way out of the elastic band of his underwear. I grin my most Cheshire grin and grab his pants pulling him closer. I want to kiss his belly, but I see a single drop of precum on the dip of his cock and I have to have my taste. I lick it long and slow, as it remains trapped there, bound by his jeans. I pull at his belt and undo his pants, but I don’t even bother pulling down his underwear, I reach in, grasping the base of his cock and wrap my mouth around it. I’ve never craved anyone’s cock like I do his, and now that I have it I’m not letting go until I’ve had my fun. I pump his dick with my hand while I the hot head of his cock with my mouth. The more I pump, the more my mouth is filled with the taste of his precum. I feel his hands wrapping themselves up in my hair. He pulls, but he lets me have his cock

I suck until I hear that moan, then moan I know that’s all for me. It’s then I feel my hair being pulled hard. He pulls my head back and kisses me deeply. I can still taste my self on his lips, but I can taste his precum too, my panties are entirely soaked now, they’re done.

As he breaks our kiss he runs his hands down my arms and removes my hand from his cock. I whimper a bit, but I know he’s plotting something.

Then, as if like some machine, he slides his pants and underwear all the way down in one fluid motion and steps out of them. He’s completely naked before me and squats down meeting at eye level and I see he has an evil look in his eyes. I try and spread my legs only to realize that my jeans are still tangled up around my shoes. That’s when he grins.

He reaches between my ankles and seizes my jeans, as he stands up, he lifts my legs by their denim handle and I flop backwards onto the bed. I giggle and the word “bastard” escapes my lips. For a moment I’m foolish enough to think that this was an accident, but then I remember just who I’m dealing with. His other hand pulls my thong up my legs to meet with my jeans and then he hold me there, bound by my own pants. He lifts my legs straight up in the air and begins to kneel at the foot of the bed, his hands take their time sliding down my legs locking themselves onto the back so of my knees. I can’t see what he’s doing, but when his tongue plunges deep in my pussy I don’t need to. His hands are gripped so tightly on the backs of my legs that I couldn’t bring them down if I wanted to, I can’t even bend them.

He eats my pussy long and deep, keeping me at the brink of orgasm. His powerful tongue pushes deep inside me, hard deep strokes. My legs are starting to tremble as he beings sucking on my pussy lips, sucking so hard at times I could swear he was biting me. It only takes a few licks and I’m climbing the walls, so when he sucks it into his mouth and mercilessly attacks it, my hand uncontrollably claw into the bedspread.

When I feel like my poor little clit can’t take a second more of this wonderful abuse he stands up. And with the same ease that he stripped me before, my shoes, pants, and soaking wet underwear fall to the floor.

My legs, still up in the air, come to rest on his shoulders. I try to tell him that I want him to be gentle, but I can’t, it would be a lie. I want him to pound me; I want him to fuck me.

He guides the head of hard cock to the mouth of my pussy and lightly presses his way in. My lips spread wide as the head slides in coming to a stop at the rim of his cock.

Again he makes me wait.

He stands there, motionless and makes me wait.

I try and move my hips to bring him in deeper, but he doesn’t move, teasing me.

As soon as I open my mouth to say something he slams his cock in me hard. My body beings to shutter as the sound of our wet skin slaps together. I hear his evil laugh as my mind is sent reeling. He draws back and slams into me again, harder. There’s no pausing this time as he begins to pound me. I open my mouth but I don’t make a sound, I just gasp as he continues slamming into.

Faster now, and those sounds I couldn’t make are coming out, loudly.

I’m moaning as his cock is pounding away at my pussy, splashing against me.

I reach out to him, but his hands dart at mine, grabbing my wrists and slam them to the bed pinning me. The weight of his body is crushing my hands to the bed and my fingers are clawing in vain. I start cumming hard and it seems to just drive him even more wild. He’s growling and pounding at me, my ravenous beast is being fed.

I feel my body losing all control as my pussy gushes, our bodies slapping together is causing a splash with every thrust.

Between the profanities moans coming from my mouth, three words escape.

The only command I get to give, “cum for me!”

With those three little words he’s sent into a frenzy, pounding away at me so hard he has bent me completely in half, my body is completely dominated by him. I squeeze my wet pussy tightly around his cock as he begins to surge. His body shutters as he surges deep inside me. I can feel his hot cum filling me, he presses him self to me pushing in just a little deeper.

His cock twinges inside me, giving my body a charge.

The animal in him is subsiding and he’s collapse upon me.

I can feel the heat radiating from his exhausted body as he lays his sweat-beaded head on the pillow next my head. He kisses me lightly as we both lay panting, his hands, still acting on their own are slowly guiding my quivering legs back down to the bed. We lay there, exhausted, our bodies still joined together, wet at slippery.

I turn my head and kiss his flushed lips as he wearily smiles at me.

“So,” I say to him still catching my breath. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

With the backs of his fingers running down my cheek he smiles at me and pulls me closer for another deep kiss.





Exile

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Friday, April 11, 2008

Haiku Fridays

who the hell i am?
am i pain internalized?
am i my sorrow?


there's still rage inside
the animal i've become
is this what i'll be?



Who is exile?
what's my next encarnation?
how much will remain?



Exile

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

HNTOMN- Half Nekk'ed Tools Of Mass Nerdation *Updated*

I am a nerd, as a nerd i use nerdy tools

this is my tool

caliper 2
it's very sensitive...

Caliper
but it gets the job done!


and no polt, i'm not going to measure for you




Contest Time

OK kids, time for some added fun. see the number on the caliper?
it's not a coincidence that i chose that particular number, first one to tell me why i picked that number and you get to pick a theme for next weeks HNT!



*Updated*
Winner winner chicken dinner!

Yup we have a winner, and it's someone very new to our little blog world


sprinkles has left a new comment on your post "HNTOMN- Half Nekk'ed Tools Of Mass Nerdation":

It's Your age. Although why You chose to figure it out in decimal form, I will never know.

sprinkles- Woooooo Whooooo!
way to guess! yup, when i snapped this HNT pic i was exactly 27.92 years old. so little pup, what are you planning for this HNT?



Exile

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Exile On Dating

Chicks

(i got this from a very beautiful girl who asked "is this you")

Exile

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Well This Made My Sunday Cool

Ever have something happen that is completely unexpected and gives your whole day a new feel?

that happened to me just a little while ago, thanks to a few txt messages...


last week i filed my taxes, as is ritual with me, i go through and shred all the old paperwork i won't need anymore (pay stubs, bank stuff, yadda yadda). after the shredding ceremony i decided to clean out all the crap out of my wallet too. receipts, bank slips, and so on.

in the bottom of my wallet i found a small orange post-it note with a phone number on it. i remembered that the receptionist at work gave me her number to hit her up over the weekend to hang out (or something). (she's the typical quirky black chick who's always fun to joke with)

i went to enter her number into my phone so i could toss out the note when i realized i already had it in my phone, so i figured i would say hello in my usual way, with an odd txt message.

i sent her a picture like this:

and said "my big black cock says hello"

her reply:
"that's really sweet of your big black cock to say hello. too bad i have no idea who this is.

this banter continued (here are the txt messages)....

Exile-
"just the guy you drool over on a regular basis"
i included this picture:
gifted

Receptionist-
what she sent back was more than i expected..
she sent me four very saucy pictures of HNT caliber and said "it takes a lot of work to make me drool"

Exile-
so i said back "I'm sure i can make you drool, or at least just really wet"

receptionist-
"well if you really know me, you'd know it takes a lot of work"

Exile-
"and if you knew who this is, you'd know how much i love doing that kind of work"

Receptionist-
"who is this? is this (some guy she's been seeing)"

Exile-
"nope, guess again. and btw, those pics definitely had an effect"

Receptionist-
"I'm so embarrassed, i have no clue who this is, please tell" a second txt followed. "or at least give me a clue, this is kind of fun."

Exile-
I'll give you a hint, my skin is a lot lighter than yours. another hint will cost you another pic

Receptionist-
this time she sent me a fully topless pic (looks like the 5th in the series she sent earlier)

Exile-
another hint: i just got out of a big relationship. I'll trade you another hint for another pic.

Receptionist-
"well, at first i thought this was a girl, but you said you have a big black cock, so you have to be a boy you're black but light skinned" another txt "the only person i know that plays like this (the same guy she mentioned before)."


i was in the middle of typing out another hint when she called. i answered and she just started screaming.

receptionist- omg, exile! i'm so embarrassed
exile- i'll bet that if you could blush right now you would be (she's very dark)
receptionist- you have no idea, i can't believe i just sent pictures of my titties to Exile!
exile- jeeze, well , don't say it like it's that horrible
receptionist- you have no idea (she stammers) we're friends, and i want to keep things professional
exile- relax, you know i'm cool
receptionist-yeah, i know
exile- but, damn girl!


she eventually changed the subject of the conversation, but damn...

my Sunday is going well so far, hows about you. hehehe


*yes, i know it's a bit of tease to not share all the pics, but i do have some principals left

Exile

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Chuck Norris Facts, Bitch

Have you ever heard the Chuck Norris Facts before?



well, after a long debate and discussion at work i started working on my own list of Chuck Norris facts
(seriously, i don't know why they pay me.)

so, with out further delay...

Exile Industries: Department Of Chuck Norris Facts



When chuck Norris uses the Total Gym, the machine sweats.




while it is assumed that if you fired a bullet at Chuck Norris he could stop
it with his bare hands. unfortunately we can never know this for sure seeing
as though Chuck Norris would kill you before the gun ever went off.



bullet proof vests are made of Kevlar and strands of Chuck Norris' beard.



Q: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck?
A: As much as Chuck Norris will allow.



when Chuck Norris goes dives in to the ocean Tsunami warnings are issues.
not because of the splash, be cause the water is running from him.



with a single kick, Chuck Norris can stop a train... FROM EXISTING!




Chuck Norris can do anything you can do with his arms tied behind his back.



The only person who could write Chuck Norris's biography is Stephen
Hawkings.



With a single punch, Chuck Norris can not only break the sound barrier, he
destroys it.



of course, i had to throw some props to my friend Doug, who wasted his day thinking up facts with me. here's Doug's List:

Chuck Norris's fist have their own gravitational pull, so he doesn't
actually throw a punch, you come to his fist.



Chuck Norris keeps his beard short by fear.



the only think Chuck Norris fears is another Chuck Norris




Exile

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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Haiku Fridays

ever just forget?
forget what you are doing,
while you're doing it?

there in the shower
'bout to get out, when it hit...
"did I wash my hair?"

could not remember
I was lost in my own thoughts
lather, rinse, repeat

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

HND- Half nekked drunk *updated*

I just found this pic on my phone. yeesh, how drunk was i on saturday?

apparantly Pretty drunk cause i also won a tip* party for me and 10 of my friends. not the Kind of lucky i was hoping to get but i'll take it!

(Now i just have to find ten friends)

Happy HNT

*Update: that is supposed to read "i also won a VIP party for me and 10 of my friends," i guess my phone doesn't even see me as a VIP, hehehe.

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