Cash Crunch

This planet has—or rather had—a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

~ The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy


Recently I’ve found my self in a bit of a fiduciary funk, as it were.

Now before you consider selling your stocks in Exile Industries, keep in mind that the lay offs are less about the current deficit and more about just good old fashion cruelty. Furthermore I would like to put down all rumors that Herb as been "slither'n" the streets for extra money. (What he does on his own time is his business.

Just to get you cats and kittens caught up, allow me to explain. If you go by the numbers currently my income/outgo ratio is pretty balanced. As we all know, the "numbers" usually don't take into account things that pop up unexpected. (Car repair, necessary big purchases, etc.) So with the past few months I haven't been able to put much into the old savings as I’d like, as in, anything.

Last month and this month, however, had been pretty tough. Last month I juggled the books wrong and was over drawn twice, this displeased me greatly seeing as though this was the first time this had ever happened (I’m very financially minded, mind you.) then, through an error on the part of my mortgage company they sent me two bills for the same month, so I inadvertently paid them an extra month in advance.

Normally, paying a bill early is no problem for me, I just figure that I saved my self some time next month, but a new problem has emerged. It turns out that my mom is going to go in for surgery soon, it has something to do with getting older and being a woman (at the same time). I’m not too worried about the procedure, I’m sure they're going to just rotate the tires and drop in a new transmission, but the problem is that my parents need to "borrow" $5000 dollars from me to get the procedure done. I told them they better throw in a free smog check too. (Borrow is in quotes because technically the money is theirs, but they were going to collect it when I sold my condo.)

When it comes to my parents I have no qualms about loaning them money, I mean, hey, I know where they live and I’m in the will... my problem is that I was told about this last week and they need the money by the end of the month. With bills, mortgage, and such on my end of things I’m coming up about $4000 short.

Had I known about this a few months back I could have saved up more, but seeing as though my family likes to hide these things from each other I guess one month to make the money isn't so bad... I mean, hell, $1000 a week? Piece of cake. *Gulp*

The few ideas I’ve had for making some quick cash won't bring me near my objective:
1. Sell blood (A+ CMV- it's good shit)
2. Whore out my truck (rent out the sides of my truck as ad space)
3. Collect debts (there's a reason these people have debt...)
4. Move people on the weekend ("you want me to move the piano again?")
5. Night Job (sleep is for the weak)
6. Sell nude self pics (who am I kidding, I can't get people to look at'em for free)
7. Wash cars (time to break out the banana hammock)
8. Pull the money off my American Express ($4000 in 4 weeks or 6 weeks? hmmmmm....)
9. Sell my soul (it's not worth much, but you can always use a spare...)
10. Start Selling burgers by the side of the road (mmmmmmm... freeway off ramp burger...)

*Sigh*

I'll figure out something, I mean, I do a savings bond or two I can cash out, but seeing as though they're not quite "ripe" yet. In other words, with the compound interest I’ll be losing potential money by opening them now. Regardless the situation I’ll figure it out.



On the lighter side of money, another one of my bills popped up on Where's George

The bill traveled 318 miles in only 74 days!
(4.3 miles a day, shit, I can't even do that)
Click here for the details





Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com