The Witness For The State

Last week my Human Sexuality class was honored to have an expert rape councilor from CSP. She has worked a great deal at the Sexual Assault Center, counseling victims of and attempting to stem the epidemic of sexual assault. The reason sexual assault is referred to as an epidemic is because it's spreading with the same ferocity of typhoid, and like typhoid it's leaving its survivors physically, emotionally, and socially damaged for the rest of their lives.

Those that the victim knows usually perpetuate the disease of rape. Abduction rapes, when an unknown assailant kidnaps the victim, are actually the least common form of rape. Unfortunately the abduction rapes are also the least reported because the victim usually killed and/or left for dead. This leaves the remaining 97% of rapes that are committed by those the victim may have considered a friend or even a family member. Rape is defined as not consensual sex, if someone says no, they do not consent, and sadly the transgressor often dismisses this. Rapists often feel entitled and will use any means necessary to take advantage of their victims, from date rape drugs to knives.

As many would agree, the consequences for rape do not nearly equal the act it's self. From the legal point of view this is a crime against the state and the victim is simply a witness. But to anyone who is still holding the ideals that humanity is supposed to hold they see the true travesty of rape. The victims of rape often feel that they should not have survived the experience, in fact a large part of them have died. Rape is considered on par with murder because in many ways it is very similar. Rape kills off a great deal of the victims personality, their future, and destroys the life that they planed on having before the attack. With fractured minds left in their wake rapists are often returned to the streets within months of the conviction.
In this society we tend to blame the victim to gain the feeling of security, after all, if it's the victim's fault then we just won't be a victim. The horrors of the phrase "well, what did she expect, wearing that" prove that a society that shuns the victim is truly pathetic. I've had a lot of experience with victims of sexual assault and from what I've seen nobody blames the victim like the victim. My friend (who I will not name) actually became a carver. She had told be before that her reason for slicing up her arms was that "it feels like there's an screaming pain building up in my head that is so intense that the pain of cutting my self is only way to let it out." The agony of life at times was too much for her, the little girl she was before she was assaulted was dead and only the mourning embodiment of her pain was left behind. I too have noticed that no two victims react the incident exactly the same, but they all seem to follow similar patterns. Regardless of the situation I've learned to follow certain rules of engagement when dealing with anyone who was a victim of rape.

1. Never say, "Well, what I would have done," because you weren't there, and this isn't about you.
2. Don't play devil's advocate, the last thing this person needs is to be told they are responsible in any way for this. No one could make any mistake that would deserve this.
3. Only stay as close as you are welcome to stay, no contact will make them feel ashamed, but too much contact will revolt them.
4. Be there, despite how they act, or how they feel, there are even times they'll want to take their anger out on you. Realize that they have a lot of pain to deal with and sometimes this causes people to shutoff to the feelings of others.

All and all I feel that this presentation tonight was quite well done. Our speaker used her own experience both as a councilor and victim to speak to us on every level. Her use of humor at the appropriate times shows that even if someone becomes a victim it doesn't mean they have to stay one.

The most discomforting piece of information from the talk that night was that the victim in a sexual assault case is nothing more than a witness for the state against the accused. This means that the whole trial is about the legality of the crime, not the victim, their rights, or their life. The sad thing is that if you rob a convenience store the clerk can press charges, but if it's a person being robbed of their life they are just a witness to the events.

Exile

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