What The Fuck Have I Done?

I thought what i was doing was right. i thought that is was the remaining kindness in my heart. i thought that it was a last act of love. It was just a means of letting her kick me in the teeth again.

Before we broke up* i had set up a huge surprise for her birthday. You see she's been really home sick lately, actually for a long while. So i set in motion these events: 1.) arranged a surprise party for her. 2) i flew her mom in from Colorado. 3) all of this was a big secret, she had no idea.

(*back story, the ex and i broke up recently because she cut me off from all physical intimacy.)

I took an entire day off of work to pick up her mom at the airport. i picked up balloons, cake, streamers and decorated. When she showed up she was surprised as all get out. She jumped for joy and thanked me for doing all this. For doing all this even though we broke up.

i thought i did something right.

After she opened her other gifts from her mom and her mom's friend (my present was flying her mom out here, a ticket i paid for months ago) they got to chit-chatting. As awkward as it felt to sit and talk with her and her mother i smiled. i didn't want to ruin her birthday, i wanted it to be happy. i restrained my self, i kept calm, when her mother and her mother's friend (who drove down from SLO) made comments about our break up i did not mention anything. They wanted to go out and have fun, but i couldn't muster myself up enough to go out with them.

It hurt too much.

So i told them to go out and have a girls night. i didn't want to go and watch my ex-girlfriend enjoy something that i created out of love for her when we were no longer in love. i didn't want to start pouting and drag everyone down. When they were getting ready to go i told her that if she needed someone to pick them up if they were too drunk to give me a call. i walked them out and loaded them all into the car, before they left i slipped $20 into her pocket in case they needed to call a cab. She said she'd give it back, i wasn't too worried about it.

i wanted to be by my self, i wanted to be alone, naturally i didn't want to be alone all by my self so i went out with my friends. i find that usually going out for an aimless night of drinking is always a good pick-me-up. The night went well, i made a cute girl smile and we sang happy birthday for our server. i even made her a b-day card out of a placemat and 4 color pens. The night went well and i felt good. Towards the end of the night she called me, letting me know that she was home and did not need me to pick them up. She also asked if i was going out to my parents house for the night, i hadn't planned on it. We finished our round of drinks and my friends dropped me off at home.

i crept in the house nice and quite like, i didn't want to wake anyone up. With her mom and friend over i figured someone had to sleep in the living room. So i went to my room and got ready for bed. Realizing the time, roughly 1:00 am, i figured i should let her know i made it home ok. i checked her room and found her mom and friend sleeping in her bed, it was a veritable snoring contest. i headed to the living room, figuring she was sleeping on the couch. There was a cat on the couch, but no ex. She wasn't on the couch. Naturally i was worried, maybe something happened. i grabbed my coat and keys and ran out to her parking spot, oddly enough her car was there...

Let's recap, the girl, who is now my ex, is missing. After a night of drinking she drove her mother and friend home. She called me to let me know she was home, but wanted to know if I'd be coming home. Then she went out at 1:00 am, leaving her car behind.

I doubt she walked to the store.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com