Mine's Bigger Than Yours!

Herb On Bed
Originally uploaded by Exile509.

Meet Herb.

Herb is my snake.

Herb used to be a stoner, that's how he got his name.

Herb's story:
I didn't actually buy Herb, but rather, we rescued him. Nearly 10 years ago my brother went to the storage yard to remove the battery from our boat. When he pulled the tarp off the boat there was little Herb staring him right in the face. Needless to say my brother screamed like a little girl then grabbed a shovel intending to chop Herb's head off. Once he noticed that the snake wasn't striking he scooped into a box, brought it home, then left the box on the kitchen counter. I came home from school opened the box and saw the snake. My brother walks in, sees me holding the snake and says "good, he's not poisonous."

The greedy young men we were (are?) we decided to sell off little herb. Unfortunately he found out that he's the most common of common snakes and that no one would buy him. So my brother decided he would keep "our" uncommonly common snake.

A year or so passed and my brother moved out (again) and took herb with him. When I went out for a visit I arrive to find my brother in a very pissy mood. it turns out Herb (the worlds most passive snake) had struck at my brother. My brother, being the sensitive bloke that he is, whapped Herb's head into the wall and tossed him into his tank. After hearing all this I push monkey boy out of the way inspect Herb.

unbeknownst to many outside of the snake world, snakes have two fat reserves on their bodies, their tails and the back of their head. Herb's head looked like it had caved in.

I asked my brother when he had last fed the snake.
He said two weeks ago.
I asked what he fed him.
He said one white mouse...

One white mouse once a month is fine for a foot and a half long snake (the way we found him) but NOT FOR A FIVE FOOT SNAKE! To make matters worse my brother, who couldn't stand feeding Herb live mice, would put them in a shoe box and get them stoned before feeding. I can only imagine Herb was slithering all crooked and drinking lots of water. (Cotton Mouth Kin Snake, hehehe.)

Time passed, and sure enough I got a call from my brother to visit. Once again my brother had another bruise from Herb. This time Herb got stuck in the couch so my brother pulled him out cartoon style (feet on the couch pulling as hard as he could). Needless to say he hurt Herb and Herb returned the favor. My brother was now afraid of the snake and wouldn't take him out to play.

I told him I was taking the snake, he said he'd sell it to me, I sick Herb on him.

Herb's been my fateful companion ever since. We watch TV together, pick up the bitches, but never talk about the years with my brother.

I've known Herb for 10 years now, and after doing a little research I learned he's going to be around for a while. They can live to be 30!



Just to give you an idea of size the bed he's on is a Queen size bed, keep in mind he's not completely stretched out.

If anyone has any rats, kittens, or children they won't miss please contact me. Herb will be pleased to meet them.