Long F'ing Weekend, Long F'ing Weekend Review

Nothing like getting away from the heat to realize that there’s a world outside of Lake Smell-some-more. Just to give you an idea the temperature on Saturday and Sunday reached 110 (105 in the shade) and pretty much stayed there. It was so hot even Herb was complaining. To make things worse, my AC can only drop the temp 1-degree an hour. Which means like it or not IT WAS FUCKING HOT!

Saturday-
It got so bad on Saturday that Amber (the roommate) and I fled to my parents’ house and tried to sponge the cold out of a swimming pool, and because their AC kicks ass we turned the house into a winter wonderland. I almost forgot what it felt like to watch a movie without sweating.

On kinda cool thing that happened earlier that day was the “ego boost” I got from a van full of girls going on about how cute I am. Now now, before we get too excited, let me explain… see, amber works at as “care taker” of sorts for a children’s home. Earlier that day Amber had to deliver a bunch of the girls from the home to another home. Unfortunately for poor amber, not only were A) the direction wrong, B) her drop off contact not there, C) it hotter than fuck, but D) the van has no AC. So she drove around for an hour in the heat and had to return the girls back to the home they just left. Now we all know how pleasant a sweltering van full of 15, 16, 17-year-old girls can be, but needless to say Amber wasn’t having all the fun one might think. So on her way back she needed to pick up this little book thingy from the condo (I don’t’ know what it was, but I knew it was on the coffee table.) so she pulls up and I jaunt on down with the book. I deliver the book, tell Amber that homicide is not the answer and return to condo to continue sweating. When amber came home later that day I asked her what all the giggling was in the car, she said it was the prelude to a half hour inquisition about her roommate.

“Is he really just your roommate?”
“Can I be his roommate too?”
And other far more graphic questions…

Now, age difference aside they’re still girls and thus still shopping in the same isle, so I take the compliment for what it’s worth.

(Man, shave off the goatee and the bitches go crazy).


Sunday-
Nothing terribly interesting just sat and sweated, for some reason we (Amber and I) decided not to take advantage of my parents’ pool and watched movies at my place.

Yeah, I don’t remember smoking crack but I must have for staying home on a day like that.

Monday-
I said fuck this heat and took off to Big Bear to play in the lake.

My brother had organized an “impromptu” trip for the 4th and I was cordially invited. So I planned my drive so that I could meet Peaches for lunch and check out her new office and then climb the mountain in time to play on the like.

So why is it half way up the mountain I get a call from my brother:
Bro- have you left the house yet?
Exile- yeah, I’m climbing the mountain right now.
Bro- damn it
Exile- yeah, I’m happy to see you too
Bro- no, I was hoping you were still at home
Exile- why?
Bro- because, we don’t have any life vests, the keys to the Seadoo box, or the ball hitch for my tuck.
Exile- … (a pause to soak in the info)
Bro- still there?
Exile- yes I am, unless you’re going to ask me to go back, then I can’t hear you.
Bro- well fuck.
Exile- I have a key to the Seadoos, just buy some cheap ass vests.
Bro- fuck.

Yeah, so we didn’t go out on the Seadoos that day, but we did watch Dusk Till Dawn

After that I went to Peaches’ house, ate dinner, then crashed out.

Tuesday-
Ever have one of those nights where you go from freezing cold to so hot you’re stewing in your own juices? Yeah, for some unknown reason that’s how we slept that night, I suddenly feel empathy for women going through menopause (hot flashes and all…)

Naturally we still managed to sleep in till noon(ish).

On our way into Big Bear we called ahead and found out that my family was still out on the boat fishing, this made quite the opportune time to get some grub. And when you think mountain home cook’n what come to mind? Yup, Queen Of Siam Thai Cuisine.

Now normally I wouldn’t go in a Thai food place, I have a bad stomach, so trying new things is usually out.

Here’s me:

(If I go crazy man, will you still call me super man?)

After following every sentence with “Not Spicy” my order was in and it came out quite good. Damn good. I think I have a new place to eat in Big Bear! (McDonalds will miss me.)

Movies, napping, yadda yadda, nightfall came.

This was what the trip was all about, we all piled into the boat and headed out into the middle of big bear lake, there we got to sit, rocking with the waves and watched the sky light up. Fire codes and all the rot make it so the only place to launch fireworks is directly over the lake, so sitting in the bow of our boat is the perfect place to watch from. It was Peaches 2nd time on a boat (first time tearing ass around a lake on a boat) but we still did our best to curl up and watch the fireworks.

Amidst the “ooh’s” and “ah’s” we could hear my mom singing “America, FUCK YEAH!”*
To which we replied “durka durka, Jihad jihad.”


*if you haven’t seen Team America: World Police yet, I’ll put a Jihad on your ass…



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com