This Is My Son, Satan Jr.

I was watching the Omen last night and it got me thinking. If I found out that my kid was the “Anti-Christ” I’d be pretty proud. I mean, usually, kids are the foul snot-nosed beasts that spread filth everywhere, but Damien seemed rather chill, a little creepy but aren't they all?

The best part about raising the Anti-Christ is that he would have unlimited potential. I mean, most parents’ hope kids will amount to something special, like a doctor or president, but find themselves disappointed after they realize college was three bong rips away from an over priced day-care. But little Damien is fulfilling a prophecy, absolves you of tons of effort as a parent.

But just imagine if you knew that your kid was going to be the Anti-Christ. You know he’s going to make serious money, hell, if he rules the world, who needs money? “Hey son, Dad-o could use a new fish’n boat. When you’re done eroding the souls of humanity, would you mind work’n on that for me? Thanks champ.”

And it’s not like you’d be in for that much opposition either. From what I could gather from the movie, when the greatest threat to humanity walks the earth the “good guys” only send one nutty priest to warn the parents. Think about it, the devil even gives the “good guys” 7 or 8 different signs, and yet no one was ready. The Catholic Church must run by the same people who were in charge of the Katrina disaster.

I can just imagine an encounter with another parent in line at the grocery store:
Random Father- I’m so proud of my little jimmy, he’s going to make varsity
Exile- that’s really something *puts cans of deviled ham on the conveyor belt*
Random Father- it sure is, too bad your boy couldn’t cut it
Exile- um, he didn’t even try out for the team, besides, I don’t think sports are really where his talents lie
Random Father- oh, well, I’m sure there’s still some reason to be proud of him
Exile- He has other talents
Random Father- and just what talents are those?
Exile (to Damien)- hey son, could you melt this guy’s face?
Damien- *points his finger melting his face*
Exile- At’ta boy, Do you want to go get ice cream!
Damien- …
Exile- Damien?
Damien- ...
Exile- Oh that’s right, you don’t talk

How cool would that be?

Hey, if the parents of the Malcolm In The Middle kid can do it, why can’t I?



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com