How To Squirt, Revisited (Still NSFW)

hey kids!

well, it looks like the site that was hosting that "how to squirt" video that i posted about last time pulled the video. (click here to see my previous post)

in that last one i was pointing out the terminology and such that the guy uses in the partial clip i found...

oh, the full one is even better! it's also 40 some-odd min long, so i hope you have some time (and brain cells) to kill.

here's the skinny, this guy is a massage therapist who was taken by the hand and shown how to do what he's doing... the problem is that there are a few things that he's well.... he needs to do some home work.

if you'd like to watch his full video click here! fyi, he mainly focus's on the massage area of this whole "journey".

now, while you're waiting for the video to upload here's a short list of problems (funny things) i noticed in this video:

1. quit calling it her Cooch! yes, it's a cute name for the 'gina, but seriously stop. if you're taking a "educational" or "professional" role in something like this don't call it cute names like: cooch, cookie, husband hole, or baby gap!

2. Kegel Pronunciation Key - [key-guhl, kee-]. you can even say it key-gull (like seagul) but for christ sake stop saying kAy-gull! you sound like a jackass when you can't pronounce the name of what you're supposed to be an expert on.

3. do not claim you know something for a fact if you are not positive it is a fact! what egregious error am i talking about? during the speculum scene he announces that women ejaculate through their urethra. Um... are you sure bud? Torn from the pages of Wikipedia:

Female ejaculation (also known colloquially as squirting or gushing) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts and/or urethra during orgasm. The exact source of the fluid is debated, although some researchers believe it originates from the Skene's gland.

while hands on research is great, you might want crack open a text book

4. "it helps to have several people around helping with the massage, so if you can get a bunch of girls together that's the ultimate." dude, come on. do i even need to explain this one?

5. there is a "trigger point" located in the "butt cheeks" and, well, a trained massage therapist (as he claims to be) shouldn't have this much trouble finding it. in other words the patient shouldn't have to guide your hands there...

6. "the women will bruise if you massage this, so it's important to eat oranges the next couple of days". yeah, no. if you are massaging someone and you cause a bruise you are doing something very wrong. (it might feel like a bruise, but you should not be breaking the blood vessels that create a bruise)

7. there's one part where he spills the bottle and tries to play it off: *splooge* "you want to use lots of oil* *nervous laugh*

8. "now what you're about to see may seem a little too rough, but this is where babies are born, she can take it"... welp, that ruined it for me.

9. it's not until you see him actually getting to the "squirting" that it become apparent that this not only the only woman he's made squirt, but this is the entirety of his experience. (in other words, he thinks what he's doing is the only way because it's the only way he knows).

9.5. with the sound on a half second delay, it's like watching a dirty ventriloquist act, hehehe.

10. "it's important for her to drink lots of Gatorade... and feed her bananas"... hehehe

11. not all women spasms like a retard riding an electric horse in front of the local Walmart... but for some reason this isn't mentioned

12. "ladies and gentlemen, the worlds first satisfied woman." *crosses arms* i call shenanigans on you sir!

13. his girlfriend is as special as he is

14. "when you do the massage stuff you help them clear out their fears, their same and their guilt you form a real relationship... you'll get the whole body involved in the orgasm, it's a letting go of fear.. this is a full body orgasm where they're shaking and their orgasming, shaking like a dog shitting peach pits, is what it is." A Dog Shitting Peach Pits? are you fucking kidding me? i had to watch that part five times to make sure i didn't miss that jewel

15. "...the other thing is that a lot of women are afraid that they're going to pee. because what happens is that you need to release your PC muscles... the worth that can happen is that you're going to pee, now you're not gonna pee, but if you think of it like this, 'what's the big deal?' you just clean up the mess when you're done." way to relive her of that fear and shame slick. nothing gets a girl hotter than reminding her that if she pisses the bed you're going to make her clean it up... feel the relaxation flow

16. he says it will take 12 to 15 massage sessions to get your woman to squirt... um... personally, I'd try a different technique around number 6 or so (

17. *pointing to the back dimples* "see these dimples? (the Sacral dimple, btw) this means that she will be very easy to train. women who are flat back here have filled these dimples with stress, anxiety, and fat." wow... hey baby, I'd love to make you squirt, but your back dimples are full of fat where is the hallmark card for that one?

18. he keeps mentioning training, and you kind of pick up towards the end that he actually treats her like a dog being trained. especially when talks about getting her over her fear of accidentally peeing by holding her hand when she's peeing and patting her head saying "good girl."... at least he didn't rub her nose in it

19. "download my MP3 it will help you clear out man emotions that can get in the way of this, there will be many... in some cases there will be too many and they may not even want to talk about it, so you might want to get a new girl or something." wow, that's love right there

20. "this level of squirting is the fruit of unconditional love." um... dude... i hate to break it to you but... ah never mind. you'll figure it out when you get older.



now, before you think I'm completely bashing this guy, he does have a couple of good techniques... well, he knows where the areas are... and... and the film is in focus, so that's a plus for him too.

he also has his own website, so that makes him more of an expert, right?

myep... he says you'll definitely need a sense of humor... and for good reason...


the sad thing about this is that this video is that this is the most education you can find on the Internet regarding female ejaculation and techniques. hell, I'm sure you could find more info on Sasquatch than you can female-crotch!

hmmmm.... perhaps that's where ol' Sass-a-frass-quatch has been hiding all this time







if this seems like I'm going a bit overboard on this subject all i can say is I'm passionate about the vagina (and you should be too!)

(personally, i think these chicks give better advise)





"...shaking like a dog shitting out peach pits"




Exile