Viva Lake Elsinore

I live in Lake Elsinore.

often times when I say this, an amalgam nation of expressions will flash
across my face from shame and disgust to nausea and constipation.

what could illicit such a lovely reaction to the place one lives?

well, let me give you two examples that happened last night, you be the
judge.

1. I'm sitting in my living room at about Seven o'clock when I hear the
complex gate rumble it's way open. it's not an uncommon sound, but the sound
of someone repeatedly crashing into it is a bit new. yep, some dick hole was
out there slowly crashing into the gate. I emphasize slowly because he
didn't just hit it and stop, he rolled into it, knocked it off it's track,
then tried to drive through it again. finally he backs up (after the gate
has seized up, no track and all) and parks next to the gate. I lean out on
the patio and ask if he's alright (as opposed to just calling him a dumb
shit) and the guy looks at me like bobble head doll and starts mumbling. he
opens his door, plants his feet and begins reeling back and fourth. yep, too
drunk to operate a gate clicker, but not too drunk to drive. the car was
gone later that night, but the gate is still jammed open. what little
security the complex had is gone, but it's ok, the gate crasher lives in the
complex.

2. after the gate fiasco, I met up with a buddy of mine at the bowling alley
to, you know, bowl. we had made tentative plans earlier that day, so even
through I was all settle in I figured no point in passing up free bowling.
we throw a few games and his girlfriend and friend show up so we get to
chat'n. the girlfriend was cool, and the friend was one of those girls that
are really friendly and likes to chat with everyone. (this kind of girl
always finds trouble.) so as we're hanging out the girls are dancing around,
and sure enough some random drunk guy comes up and starts dancing with the
girls. the girlfriend immediately sits down showing no interest, but the
friend keeps dancing and laughing (see, trouble.) well this guy starts
sloshing what's left of his beer everywhere and I'm not looking to ruin my
shoes (bowling shoes have sponge like pads on the bottoms, so beer is really
bad) so I decide to distract him. he reads the funny slogan on my shirt, so
I joke with him a bit and lead him away from the girls and they disappear,
once lured away I simply walked back to bowl and he just stood there very
confused. seconds after he leaves us alone the drunk guy starts some
nonsense with the bouncer and is bounced.

2 1/2. (I decided not to give this it's own number because it's the
conclusion to number two, sorta). Finally, it's nearly 11pm and we've
finished bowling, packed up our gear and head out of the alley. when we
finally get outside there's our little drunk buddy again, this time he's
trying to full out fight the security guard, calling names, threats, telling
us all we suck dick (I had no idea), and over using the "N word"
(ironically, there was no one of that ethnicity in ear shot). So he keeps
calling people out over and over, and someone (other than me) starts trying
to instigate a fight. he tries to "egg on" a big dude who turns on the
instigator and starts swinging his bowling ball like a mace (very medieval).
at this point, the friend of the girlfriend decides she's going to mediate
this fight by walking away from the safety of our little group into the
middle of the action to "reason with these people." we yell for her to stop,
but I figure I'm not close enough to anyone here to get in a drunk bowling
brawl, so I say put. (I figure if the action starts I can dart out and grab
the friend, but me rushing in at the moment would only exacerbate the
situation.) the altercation moves out of the alley's doorway and into the
parking lot, security has tazer in hand and is moving towards the drunk guy.
the other two guys are starting their own fight and two other guys start
going at it too (I thought they were friends). the drunk guy (to narrow it
down, this is the original one) takes a swing at security, security gives
him a taste of the tazer, but it doesn't put him down. now it's shouting,
punching, and zapping. (I begin to mentally assess my property values). the
fight breaks up for a moment and one of the guys who decided to jump into
the fray is now walking back into the alley head held high (and nose
bleeding.) the original drunk, show got a nice tazer and asphalt sandwich,
stagers back up an begins yelling threats again. it's kinda hard to take him
seriously seeing as though his shirt is now split down the middle exposing a
very doughy torso. he reminds us again that we all suck dick and that were
are welcome to suck his. the scene closes with the girl from their group
jumping in her car to pick up the original drunk and nearly hitting him and
a hydrant (I was more worried about the hydrant.) as we all leave I notice
my buddy, his girlfriend, and the friend are giving me a slighted look, when
I inquire they point out that those were all their friends (the bowling
staff, not the original drunk's crew) and that we should have joined in. I
point out that a) I don't know these people well enough to get in a fight,
b) there's no point jumping into a situation like that because drunks don't
stop until they're out, and c) I'm too old for this shit. at that point I
realized I'm nearly 10 years older than the group and decide to head home.

at home I took a quick look at the gate to see if it was going to keep me
from getting to work in the morning (it's embarrassing when you can't get
out of your own complex to go to work.) while doing my amateur inspection I
see how to fix it. I realize that while it will take more strength than I'm
willing to put into it at midnight and that there's a big group of "thugs"
walking down the street towards the only white guy stupid enough to be out
this late (me.)

a nervous jaunt gets across the complex, to my door, and back inside.

so... who wants to move to Lake Elsinore?

(anybody?)

Exile