Saying Goodbye

From time to time friendships end. Some end with distance, some with indifference, some with yelling, and some with tears. Today I believe I have lost a friend in the most permanent sense. She has always been a friend of great distance, mainly because she's on the other side of the country, but at times I feel that the distance was never physical. A very bright girl, but with a life far harder than anyone should have to go through.

We've all felt alone in a crowd, some feel alone when someone's close, but my friend has lived with both for far too long. Victim of circumstance, or lost on the way side, she's found her self with out family, and without a decent set of friends.

She loves music and she loves Hell (the club, relax). She enjoys a good laugh and is very patient, she'd have to be to be my friend, after all, she did the pencil test for me just for our mutual amusement (it has to do with bras). Every time we've talked I've tried to make her laugh, because I think we've both needed it. Sometimes, when we've both felt the cold of being alone we could always just talk to each other.

I never like saying goodbye to good friends, because I know there's not a good reason to lose them. But I guess this isn't the same for her. With the prospect of homelessness and the lack of emotional support from her so called friends she is set a drift. Last night she told me that there may be no way for her to contact me again and vise versa, for that matter. She's made the decision that she will not lose it all again and has the a final solution to her problems.

Any and all plans that I may have constructed to help her have failed to meet her needs. Offers to help her restart a new life here have met with no appeal. I may never hear from my friend again, and I fear no one else will either. I could not console her, or help her find meaning and I can only hope that a warm bath and a bottle of pills can provide her with the warmth and comfort that life could not.

I know that if she was here I could help her, I could show her that friendship can be worth living for. Some say that there is always a way out, but what they don't' realize is that the way is very difficult, and that sometimes it's a path that cannot be followed.

I can only hope that something has changed for my friend, something has made it where she can continue on. I hope that one day I will get to see her and embrace her as my friend. But how far can hope really reach?

Goodbye Elizabeth, and I hope you land safely where ever you're going. Remember me, because I'll never forget you.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com