Love Autopsy

In my dreary little quest to understand why things go the way they go in relationships I have come up with many theories as to why relationships go awry. Today I give to the Love Profile Variance.

Love Profile Variance:
We've all heard people say to other people when they're in love "you're the one I've been looking for my whole life." I'm sure there are times that we have all said this. Some call this fate, other thank mystical beings that are supposed to be pulling all of our strings. Unfortunately this is not the case. Believe it or not we are actually all responsible for our own actions, as well as our station in life and it's outcome.

The Love Profile is actually a list of traits and specific requirements that are either negotiable or non negotiable. The interesting thing is that The Love Profile is something that evolves as we move though life. I'm sure at a young age we've all said "I just want someone to love me." this is a very valid requirement, but when you finally form a relationship around this solitary trait you realize that the relationship won't work. The reason it doesn't work is that you were not specific enough as to what type of love you wanted, nor did you determine the other traits you required in a relationship. As you move through life you soon create a large list of traits, everything you're looking for, but the profile still needs fine tuning. Often a great butt is on Parr with emotional stability.

Eventually your Love Profile reaches a point where you've finally gotten it reasonably complete, you find someone that meets the majority of the requirement on your profile and you're happy.
This kind of happy can last a long time, unfortunately when it doesn't last, this is where the Love Profile Variance comes into play. At this point in the game all of the traits in your Love Profile should be accurately labeled as either negotiable, or non-negotiable. As the relationship has progressed, however, your partner has changed and the traits he/she used to match up with have now become of little importance to them. This means trouble when this is stance taken on the non-negotiable traits. Sometimes this change is blatantly obvious, if a non-negotiable trait is that you do not accept abuse and yet he smacks you around when he's drunk this is a huge variance on your non negotiable trait. Other variances are things like your partner forgoing giving you oral pleasure, or rejecting the act of coitus. Smaller variances are things like no longer giving "back rubs" or simply no longer sharing the same interests as the other person. Another example would be if one person wants two kids, while the other wants none, you can't just have one, often there is no compromise. Eventually the integrity of the relationship begins to falter due to the infractions placed against the non-negotiable traits.

The long and the short of it all is that the person you were in love with has changed enough to no longer meet the requirements for the relationship. They no longer meet the profile you previously set up, instead this changed person has grandfathered his/her way into a relationship with you. After all, with all the changes they've undertaken, if they were they way they are they would have never fit the profile to begin with. These changes come about though many conditions, environmental, emotional, age, and even boredom.

The irony of it all is that the Love Profile must be specific in order to filter out all the unwanted candidates, but too specific and you eliminate all candidates. You have to be willing to flex on some traits and stand firm on others. Often we give into the Love Profile Variance because we are in love and our commitment and loyalty bind us.

Remember: if you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump out, but if you put the frog in a pot of cold water and slowly bring the temperature up the frog will sit there and boil to death.

Today's Special: Frog Soup.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com