Oh Yeah, It Was My Birthday

Yes, yes, it was my birthday this Monday. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy one, and screw all of you who didn't. (I kid of course, I would only make be hurt if I made a big deal about it and no one said anything.) As my own personal way of saying thanks to all of you who cheered me on as I hit the big 25 I give you a gift, the story of my 21st b-day in Vegas:


On my 21st b-day my family took me to Vegas. We drank then drank some more. We went to a strip club (my brother got poked in the eye by a hard salty nipple, all good.). It was great.

On of the nights we were there I went to a club called the beach. It’s all decked out like a surfer bar with dancing, string bikinis (and guys in trunks, for the ladies). Well, the whole night we’re dancing and having a good time and I hit the state of drunk where I don’t need any more alcohol for the rest of the night. I reached this state because my brother was “buying” me 7&7s all night. Now I say, “buying” because he wasn’t actually using his money, he kept borrowing mine, I guess I was too drunk to keep track. Anyways, as the night goes on, my brother and I are the last ones in our group left at the club. Soon he disappears too. I’m just staggering around, amusing my self, all good. All of a sudden this girl comes up to me and says, “Hey, I heard it’s your birth day, here’s a drink!” I’m drunk as fuck, and totally dig’n on the idea that a girl just bought me a drink. Unfortunately as I drink out of this big cup I don’t realize my face is slowly burning. As I finish the entire cup I feel like I’m on fire… yeah, in my drunken state I downed a complete cup of tequila.

Reality smashed it’s way through my haze like a hard-boiled-egg-sandwich through the human colon. A cold sweat hit as I realized that I was by my self with enough poison in me to put me down for the count. Of course, I couldn’t find my brother. Needless to say I had to puke in the restroom, but to the degree I through up was awe-inspiring. I swear I expunged my very soul from my body. Oh, but the night wasn’t over yet.

I kept trying to find my brother, but I had to keep running back to puke, so with spinning head I’m trying to navigate through a crowded dance club to find a guy who was purposely ditching his little brother. Yay.

I finally find him and he does not want to leave, I tell him to get me to a cab or I’m going to puke on his new friends. My vermillion hue was enough motivation to get him out of the club and throw me into a cab, literally.

So after the scariest cab ride in the world, homicidal jack (the name I gave to the cabbie) gets me to my hotel. Upon arrival he tells me how much I owe, it’s pretty steep, but what makes it steeper is that I have no money. Yeah, all the drinks my brother was buying were out of my wallet. Holding my head up I try and focus on homicidal jack, and he’s not a happy monkey. Luckily I know how to use my weakness as strength. “Let me just sit in your cab and think.” I tell him while begin dry heave. He then ejected me from his cab into a local wall, like the mighty skunk, my smell must have dissuaded him. (I didn’t puke on my self mind you, but booze + puke breath = bad.)

At this point I blacked out, I have no memory of what happened next. I do know that the entire trip I could not find my hotel room for the life of me but the next thing I remember was falling onto my hotel room door. From there it was a short trip to the bed where I passed out.

Happy 21st B-day Exile!



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com