Warning, Do Not Mix Exile With Technology. Hazardous Results.

Ok, so many of you have asked, why I haven't been blogging lately, and to that I must hold back the tears of sadness. You see it turns out that I have the worst luck with fancy new toys, I don’t lose them, I don’t break them; they just seem to break around me. Let me give you a quick summary of what has happened to me, technology wise, in the past two months.


Digital Camera: I received a digital camera for my birthday. It wasn’t top of the line, but it fit my needs well enough. A nice little HP camera it was full of piss and vinegar. One week after getting it, (after installing all the software, reading the manual) I went on a trip to Mexico. With drink in had and camera in pocket I was just walking around minding my own business. I randomly bumped into an handrail (no harder than the way I bump into anything) and I hear a snap, a crack, and a pop. Seeing as though I knew I didn’t have Rice Crispies in my pocket I quickly reached in. this made me quickly reach back out with shards of my camera sticking out of my hand. I guess HP decided to make the case of my camera out of a glass like plastic. Needless to say they didn’t want it back.

I rebuilt my camera with crazy glue and a paperclip (I lost some parts) and it is now dubbed FRANKEN-CAMERA. It looks pretty sad, but it works.

Zappy Pen: I was feeling really sad and a friend of mine gave me a pen to cheer me up. The pen had a battery in it so when you pushed down to click the pen it zapped you. Seeing as though I like little zappy toys I was quite pleased. I then tried to zap my friend with it. She grabbed one end; I grabbed the other, and crack. The pen lasted less than 10 min. all the wires were broken and the pieces went everywhere.

My Laptop: This was my baby. It was like a good friend who always brought me porn. Silver, sleek, and, dare I say, sexy. With cd/dvd burners the possibilities were endless. Wireless 802.11g meant I could catch any signal and chat, blog, anything, all at my leisure. I got it back in January and even with using it every day had still not used it’s entire potential. I valued this computer more than I valued most human life (seeing as though I don’t value much of human life I suppose this doesn’t have the power I intended). I decided to take it with me on my trip to Canada, I wrote a blog entry on the plane, and I planned on using it to watch a movie or two if we were so inclined to not watch movies in the living room. *Wink* Unfortunately, when it came time for a little movie fun the computer did something it had never done before, nothing. I hit power, I waited. I reset it, I waited. Oh god did I wait, I would have waited till your children were old and gassy, would I have waited. But to no avail. Clacky was the first to examine the body, he didn’t have the heart to say it, but I could see it in his eyes. The hard drive was dead. The blinking curser carried a cruel rhythm with it, like the persistent beat of a dump truck’s tires as it runs over a puppy. It now sits idol in it’s Targus carrying case waiting for resurrection, and I think it’s going to take more than a little purple pill to give this little guy a res-erection.

Air Canada Headphone Jacks: Seeing as though Million Dollar Baby was playing as our return flight movie I thought I’d watch. Naturally, as I plugged in my head phones the jack in my row of seats shorted out in a quite deafening manner.

The Relic (aka my old laptop): in desperation for communication I decided to pull my old laptop out of my storage boxes. A decent little Compaq, I’ve had the little workhorse for years (over six years, give or take a month), and while it’s CD drive was burned out, the hard drive barely ran, it was slow as hell, and had poor resolution, I figured it could still give me some help. I decided that I had to get the pics off my digital camera, after all, they were from my Canada trip, and I didn’t want to lose the pics of my sexy minx. So last night I decided to try and install my camera on the computer so I could transfer the pics to my jump drive… I swear this was a good idea when I started… so I hooked up my external CD drive, I popped in the CD, and then I waited. It took forever, for the little relic to comprehend the task at hand. The progress bar crept agonizingly across the screen; nearly 45 minutes later the computer innocently requested a restart. Many say that the last moment you see someone alive you can feel that this will be it, fuck if I saw this one coming. Error message after error message, not enough memory to run program, bad file, corrupted date. I desperately attempted to salvage the machine, tromping through Safe Mode I deleted the camera, I deleted files I could afford to lose, I just kept rolling through deleting things, but it was a loss. Two laptops in so many months… you’d think I’d learn

Babylon 5 DVD/PS2: When you move into an apartment there is no cable hooked up, and without an antenna you have to just watch your old movies till you get off your ass and call the cable guy. Naturally I’m still to lazy to do this, so I’ve been watching my Babylon 5 DVDs, and while I’m battling with The Relic the DVD starts to skip and shuts down. (It seems to be working, but with my luck…)

At this rate I’m going to just start generating an EMP field and just wipe out technology everywhere I go. The really funny thing is that I need to download those digital camera photos ASAP, because the battery is dying and the photos aren’t on a memory card.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com