Sick Of Sickness

*Sniffle*

*Snort*

*Hacking cough*

Bleck... I hate being sick.

It's like my brain is stuck in the mud (and with as dirty as my mind is, would you expect any less?)

But instead of bitching about being sick (too late?) I've decided to shed light on the subject of sickness in men.

See, men get sick. They get colds, they get flu's, they get all kinds of things. But men always seem to react "out of character," but why is this?

Well you're in luck, I've decided to break it down (to the best of my diseased ability) into the categories of behavior as well as a possible reason why this happens.

THE CHILD- this behavior patter often entails a man who, once falling ill, become a complete baby. The cold he has makes him incapable of caring for himself. It can range from the inability to make soup, to the inability to aim when he takes a piss. CAUSE- Often the cause for this fall squarely on his mother, either she pampered him every time he was sick or never gave him any attention, regardless, he's starving for it now.

THE DRAMA KING- this condition gives even the common cold the lethal symptoms of the black death. You'll often see him over compensating with excessive remedies (blankets, cold meds...) and creating a huge mess (mountains of tissues, phlegm in the sink...).
CAUSE- This condition is the result of attention deprivation, this guy usually gets no attention in his day to day life and finally has someone who has to pay him attention (whether they like it or not). Want some cheese with that whine?

THE SLOTH- the only thing that could involve running with this guy is his nose. Often times you'll find this guy hunkered down in a cave like chamber (formerly a bedroom) or firmly glued to the couch. Eat, sleep, and shit, that's about all the life you'll see out of him until he emerges from his flu chrysalis (and don't' hope for a shower...)
CAUSE- This guy can be the result of one of two things, either he is someone who is usually extremely busy and finally taking full advantage of the fact that they have an excuse to sleep all day or their just plain old lazy.

THE WORK HORSE- just lay the fuck down! This guy makes all guys look bad. You could shoot him up with enough Nyquil to drop Elvis but you can't get him to go to bed. There seems to be a reason for him to get out of bed every few min, fix this, do that... While this may sound good, unfortunately he prolongs his illness by expending all his energy elsewhere.
CAUSE- usually this guy is someone who doesn't know how to relax, he works hard while he's working, and at home he can't just sit there or he'll explode.

THE S-NAUGHTY BOY- a virus with an erection... That's pretty much it. Imagine if you will a guy who has been cooped up in the house all day with nothing to do but either watch day time TV or internet porn. (I'll give you a hint what one this contest, "sproing").
CAUSE- simple, guys are always on, well, he's got the energy and he's got the time... wanna ride the snot train?

THE GROUCH- take two and call WHEN YOU FALL OFF A CLIFF AND DIE! Yeah, this guy becomes a total prick when he's sick (is it a crime to rhyme?) he's gone beyond cranky, and if you're going to walk on egg shells around him, god help you if you crack one.
CAUSE- this guys is very controlling, he wants to always be in control in every situation. But seeing as though he can't control what's going on inside him, he just takes it out on everyone else.


I think that pretty much covers the most common types of sick guys.

Oh, and if you're wondering what kind of guy I am when I'm sick, well, I'm a cross between either THE SLOTH or THE WORKHORSE, and of course THE S-NAUGHTY BOY. Let's face it, whether I'm a slouch or a slave, I'm always, um, on...


*sniffle*

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com