Hey Staples, You Just Got Fucked In The Ass!

Operation Toner Boner
Project completed

Boo-yeah Mother fucker!

ever get such a sweet deal that all you can do is grab your imaginary suspenders and say "i so rock!"



So what is this deal that i speak of? oh, i just got a brand new $200 printer for fifty bucks!

now, i know what you're thinking, "but exile, we thought your God like abilities were limited only to the bedroom, how did you pull this off?"

well, my minions i shall share my secret with you and let you bask in my awesome-ness

Phase 1: The Dark Harvest
Staples has a recycling program for Toner cartridges. every toner cartridge turned in gets you a single coupon for $3 credit towards your purchase. so I've been collecting these things everywhere i can, and my office goes through a lot of them, and i talked everyone into saving them just for me.

Phase 2: Devaluing
over a couple months i collected nearly forty dollars in coupons, but Staples won't let you use more than three at a time. "good form old bean, but not good enough." see, the idea of only letting someone use three at a time is clever, but I'm more clever-er. (yeah). so what i did, for the past week was go in after work and buy things for $9.25 and so on (the coupon max is 3 coupons at $3... 9 bucks). i bought crap i didn't need, color pencils, dry erase marker kits, you know, crap. but they do have a liberal return policy, hehehe.

Phase 3: Weapons Of Mass Evil
Saturday 10:30am.
I walked into the store with my arsenal in hand
a) I now had 40 dollars in "store credit"
b) a coupon "spend $100 dollars and get $20 off"
c) my old printer "bring in your old printer and we'll take $50 off the purchase of a new printer.


Phase 4: Drop The Hammer
Cashier- hello again (she was working there last night)
Exile- hello to you to you, i would like to return these (i handed over the bag of "crap)
Cashier- well, seeing as though you were in here last night, you have your receipt, right?
Exile- Shucks, i don't (the receipt would not only show that i used my coupons and it would take the credits for the purchases off my Staples Rewards Card).
Cashier- i see
Exile- no worries, store credit will work just fine. I'm buying a printer today.
Cashier- did you know we have a special going on with the printers
Exile- i sure do *points to my old printer on the counter*
Cashier- *looks at me suspiciously* i figured you would know

At that point o left to get the printer i wanted, only to find out the printer i wanted was two dollars short of the minimum purchase... so i had to pick a new one. and then i found this beauty:

click here for all the stats.

it normally runs for $200, but they were taking $40 off at the register.

So i returned to the cashier in triumph

Cashier- i guess you found what you were looking for
Exile- sure did
Cashier- *she began ringing up the printer*
Exile- oh wait, there's a special way i want you to do this
Cashier- i beg your pardon
Exile- i know, this seems weird, but just humor me
Cashier *no longer smiling* ok, what do you want me to do?
Exile- *big smile* OK, scan my rewards card, now the printer, now the coupon for twenty dollars off...
Cashier- oh, you know what, that coupon got voided when i canceled that last transaction (the other printer i wanted). i guess you can't use it
Exile- oh, well let's see if the manager can fix that *big grin*
Cashier- (after the manager punches in his mystery code), ok, i have the coupon in
Exile- good, now cash in the old printer
Cashier- *doesn't say a word*
Exile- and here's the store credit
Cashier- ok, your total is $56(or something close to that)
Exile- *i hand her two more $3 coupons*
Cashier- *not happy* $49.98 (or something close to that)
Exile- I'll put it on the amex. (then mutter to my self) so i can get my 2% cash back.


(i don't think i'm welcome there any more.)


So in true Exile form i finagled my way into a $200 printer (managed to ruin the day of a Staples Cashier) for only $50! the cool thing is that i needed toner for that old printer and it would have costed me 50 bucks to buy more.


and as the true techno-geek that i am, i rushed home, ran up the stairs, and re rigged my wifi router to connect the printer directly to it! (now i can print and scan from anywhere in the house, yay!)



i might be a nerd, but i so fucking rock!



Exile