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Exile Industries: Department of Redundancy Department

Friday, April 24, 2009

If You're Driving I Think I'll Get Out And Walk

As I’ve mentioned before, my company is going through a slow down. In the beginning of the year they were shutting us down a solid week every month. But after a while they realized it was easier on everyone if we just shut down every Monday instead and then file us as “unemployed” for the time lost.

 

Sounds decent plan.

 

Now then, first off, this still sucks; essentially we’re losing paycheck a month in that every week we’re working 32 hours instead of a full 40. (Note: 32 hours instead of 40). And the 8 hours that we’re losing is coming from unemployment, so it’s more like you’re being paid for 6 hours of work. And because it’s the government paying you know they’re making it a top priority to get those checks to us.

 

Ok, so I lose a little cash, fine, so be it. But this gets better…

 

Class, please take your Composition book, a calculator, and a number two pencil.

Ahem, let’s say a company make 1,000 Widgets during a 40 hour week, how many Widgets do they make an 8 hour day?

(1000 Widgets/40 Hours) * 8 Hours= X Widgets a day

 

Correct, the answer is 200 Widgets a day (X=200)

 

Now class, assume that the company mentioned earlier decided to shut down one day a week, how many Widgets are they making a week? How many a month?

200*4= Y Widgets a week

(200*4)*4= Z Widgets a month

 

Very good class, the company is now making 800 Widgets a week (Y=800) and 3,200 Widgets a month. (Z=3200)

 

Here comes a real stumper, how many less Widgets is the company making a month on a 4 day work week?

((1,000 Widgets a week) – (800 Widgets a week)) * 4 = C Widgets lost a month.

 

You guys are on fire today, it’s 800 Widgets a month lost.

 

 

 

Interesting concept, right? You’re taking a week’s worth or work from your employees a month and you’re making a week’s less parts every month.

 

Yeah, well, I’m glad you guys got it BECAUSE THEY HIGHER UPS DIDN’T FIGURE THIS THE FUCK OUT!

 

Oh yeah, they were so proud of themselves for coming up with this cost cutting measure of not paying people for Four days a month that they didn’t think “Gee, where’s the down side to this?” so when it came to scheduling out the work load and promising parts to customers they forgot to change their computer programs to predict parts made based on a 32 hour work week instead of a 40 hour week. The best part is that they didn’t realize this FOR THREE MONTHS!

 

Hehehe

 

Yup, so for the past three months we’ve been coming up short and no one has been able to figure out why. Or inventory is empty and our customers (those left) are demanding the parts that we said we were making.

 

So now we’re running at full capacity, five days a week, and the occasional weekend to try and get caught up.

 

 

Moral Of the Story: Dude, don’t save money for your road trip by no buying gas.

 

On A positive Note: there’s so much work they have to pay me overtime, there’s no other way to get it all done. hehehe

 

 

Exile



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Sunday, April 19, 2009

back fire

it's 3am and some idiot decided to tear ass around my complex in his lifted truck. well the moron hit a curb and slamed his truck into a wall ripping the front tire from the truck. i figure if this idiot it going to keep banging on his truck all night i might as well call the cops to help him out. (if i don't get to rest why shoul he, right?) it's now 4am and my entire building is rumbling from the fire engine and the cops are probably going to come up here to get a statement... did i mention i have to be to move my pet lesbian at 9am?

myep

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

HNCM- Half Nekk'ed Coping Mechanism

So, the wage slave's life continues...

last weekend i spent the day refinishing the coping on my parents swimming pool.

essentially i spent the entire day on my knees (calm down Polt) with my ass in the air (i said calm down Polt) grinding and sweating (CALM THE F*** DOWN POLT!)

so this HNT i thought i'd show you exactly what i looked like "wired" into my work.

Knee pads, check.

Belt sander, check.

extension cord tied to belt, check.

beat up hat, check.

MP3 Player, check.

now for those not in the know, the coping is the are of the pool my left foot is on. and after crawling laps around the pool numerous times. (once with a scraper, once with the belt sander, then the regular sander, yadda yadda) i realized i crawled the equivalent of a football field that day...

all that for $12 and hour and two IN & Out burgers

HHNT

exile

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