Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Oh, oh no no no

no fucking way


alright, so last night i was on PronHub.com watching porn and i saw something that totally cracked me up.

if you have blood pumping through your veins you've probably watched your fair share of porn on the Internet. with that said you also know that sometimes you find gold, while the rest of the time you find stretch marks and ass-acne (it happens.)

well last night i found a real gem. the gem-erald thing about it wasn't the actual porn, the cast, or the acting, oh no, it was the music. usually, you either throw on a "cool seventies groove, a funky groove to fuck to" (~ Jack Black, Tenacious D), or there's just the salty sounds of skin slapping against moist flesh. but this one had me.

the porn started out with typical background gibberish.
eventually, Madonna comes on with her tweaker song.

and then this song comes on... Tarzan And Jane by Toy Box!


OMFG! are you kidding me? how could you keep going with that on in the background? the best parts is that i am so not lying about this, this song was actually playing while people were having sex... i didn't think it was possible.

for proof that I'm not lying click here (NSFW)


(btw, if you're surprised that i was watching porn please click on comments, bash your head against the keys, and submit that as your comment.)


Exile

A Whole Bunch Of WTF

Man, my day was full of WTFs. or should i say, i had a day's worth of WTFs. three of them.

Who The Fuck?
I charged out on my lunch so that i would have enough time to hit the Costco gas station and have enough time to eat. When i got there there was a line of cars (5 per pump). so i sat there in the heat and waited.

when i was finally "next to next" i noticed the car at the "front pump" pulled out. now, normally this is the key for the person in front of me to drive through the station, then back up to the pump. instead, some lady comes driving up between the two aisles of cars.

at first i figured she probably just wanted to leave, but no, as soon as she made her way to the front pump she backed up. THE BITCH BACKED UP INTO THE FUCKING PUMP! i was pissed to the point of enraged, who the fuck did this stupid bitch think she was? what made her so god damn special? so not only did i have to wait my turn for gas, but i had to wait hers too.

i was completely livid and i was dying to go out there and say something... unfortunately i couldn't think of a single thing i would say that wouldn't end with me shoving that nozzle up her... well, she'd definitely have gas.

How The Fuck?
for the past couple of weeks my truck has been acting up, a little bit of grind here and there when i go to shift. after first i thought it was my clutch slipping, but when i checked the fluid it looked full...

it looked full

today after lunch i decided i was getting tired of grinding every time i put it in reverse, so i popped the hood. and opened the clutch reservoir. now when i say reservoir I'm being generous, this thing is the size of a shot glass. when opened the cap i saw that the small black rubber bucket (i have no better term for this thing) was full of clutch fluid. so i decided to pull the stupid black thing out of the reservoir... bone dry!

how the fuck did this happen? i was told by a mechanic that the little black bucket was a filter for the clutch fluid, but this was ass backwards. the fluid was supposed to be poured directly into the reservoir, and when it needed to be pumped back into the reservoir it's supposed to crush the little black bucket to make space without getting air in the line.

so i used the little bit of fluid in the bucket to get my clutch working again (i filled it later on at the parent's house).

this leaves me wondering one thing, HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE BECOME A MECHANIC AND NOT KNOW THIS SHIT! I've been grinding my gears like a pole dancer try'n to earn money for baby formula because this ass clown doesn't know how to fill a clutch reservoir!

Why The Fuck
At work we have the job books at every machine.
the technicians often staple the work orders to these flimsy little paper books

when they need the work order they just rip the sheet of paper off the book leaving the staples in place. the staples of doom!

do you see this picture of the cute little buggy? (photographed by Brapps)


imagine right there in the corner where his little antenna is a very sharp, very hooked staple being jammed into that small little space between nail and flesh. now imagine that the hooked staples was scraping the whole way in, gouging that tender skin beneath the nail. now imagine that the book that i was holding was in mid-spin and thus twisted the staple deeper into my thumb.

i had to unscrew the staple out of my thumbnail.

the two parter to this one is WHY THE FUCK WOULD SOMEONE LEAVE A STAPLE STICKING OUT LIKE THAT? and WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS SHIT HURT SO FUCKING BAD? i mean sweet dead baby Jesus that fucking hurt, it's been hours since and it still aches




man...
What The Fuck?

Exile

Blogger Hates Me

Did you know Blogger hates me?

it's true. it does weird things to my posts and even my comments.

i was going back through my old posts (i have drafts that need to be published) and i noticed that one post that i know i posted was still in the draft mode.

i thought no one commented on it because i posted it on 911, but it turns out that blogger is a huge douche... a douche filled with dirty water (ewww).

so here's a link to the post that blogger forgot: click here

blogger also likes to delete the comments i leave on other peoples blogs. i can't count how many times I'll leave a comment on Hella's blog and the next day it's gone...

damn blogger make'n me look bad!
pttttthhh! like i need any help from blogger to make myself look bad, sheesh.

Exile