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Exile Industries: Department of Redundancy Department

Friday, January 26, 2007

Haiku Friday

New count down begins
warm'n up Hella in Cali
thirty three days

some have wondered
"how was your last trip?" wink wink
I will sum it up...

"when you spend six days
in an angels arms you will
be changed forever"



Haiku Fridays


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

HNW- Half Nekk'ed Wrist

So as you may recall from my Haiku Friday post I injured my wrist.

While I would like to regale you with a intriguing tale of how I single handedly defeated an army of mutant ninja chimps (not to be confused with the Baboon Army) but alas I injured my self signing my name.

Yes, I'm that much of a an office monkey that I actually hurt my wrist signing my name.

wrist brace 2
(oh yes, he might be smiling, but Moe does not approve.)

Well, actually, I probably hurt it moving a bunch of heavy ass reels (we stamp stuff at work) but it didn't hurt till I put my hand on the table. Needless to say it's a lame injury, it doesn't even have a cool story to go with it.

And poor little Hella is in the same boat. Needless to say we're not thrilled about our ailments

wrist brace 1

Luckily we're both right handed.

... Because of writing and stuff, what?


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Friday, January 19, 2007

Haiku Friday

Been a bad blogger
but I have a good excuse
hurt my hand at work

I now wear a brace
it's made out of wet suit stuff
very "uncomfy"

I hate wearing it
smells like scuba diver ass!
and it's tough to type



Haiku Fridays


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

HNP- Half Nekk'ed Pimp

So this HNT I went from Pissed to Pimp in under 60 min.

How you may ask?

Well, the past few months our beloved Herb hasn't been eating, that's right, months!

The last time he ate was early October, and since then he's just been making friends with the furry entrees.

Herb and His new buddy part 1

Yeah, that's Herb with his new pet.
He's decided to just sit and chat with this one.
Real friendly like... And while it's not a bad thing

So reluctantly I had to return this guy to the pet store.
herb and his new buddy Part 2

At the pet store the guy told me that the reason for Herb's hunger strike wasn't that he's a jerk, but because he's horny.

yes, according to the vet, this is Herb's perfect breeding season for the Colombian boa. And during this time they don't eat (I guess they're not into foreplay).

Then the pet store guy propositioned me after he heard how long my snake was. he told me that I can make some good cash studding out Herb.

To think, Herb's a stud, just like his owner!
Herb Leg 1
("if you're going to have delusions, the ones of grandeur are the best kind to have.")

Hey, I can recycle the rat I can recycle a pic, Happy HNT!



Exile

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Sunday, January 14, 2007

All Hail Dave!




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Pet Peeves Personified

We all have things that irk us.

Many times I find myself irked like the damned.

I don't know what it is about these things, but they make me feel all "stabby" towards the people who commit these offences. Here's just a brief list of these irritations, personified.

The Perfume Lady: this woman obviously has confused her favorite perfume with water, because bathing in "Ode De Toilet" has become her daily ritual. I’m sure in a small dose the perfume may give off a pleasant aroma, but the sheer volume she has used it in has made her a biohazard. Even roaches are hacking up at the odor, it's like she walked into a newsstand and slathered her self in every free sample the magazine world has to offer. As bad as her perfume stink is, it almost makes one wonder what she's masking under that concoction she's slathered her self in.

The Spoiler: I just want to sock this person in the genitals. This is the guy (or girl) that is so excited about a movie they just have to tell you everything, especially the ending. WTF? If a movie is so great why would you ruin it by giving away the ending? I mean, The 6th Sense was a great movie, but it would suck monkey balls to watch the whole thing knowing from the beginning that Bruce Willis is dead. (Before you get all bitchy, if you haven't seen this movie by now you never were).

The Repeat Offender: Ok, when you get to know anyone well enough you'll get to know their stories, their jokes, their antidotes. So it stands to reason that they may retell you something from time to time, this is totally acceptable. However, and this is a big however, when someone repeats the same information over and over with in the context of the same conversation, it can be worse than a hand job from a leper (cause that just stays with ya...). My mom is notorious for committing this heinous act. She will repeat her self so many times that the conversation will become so, mottled that only the magic of duct tape can withstand the tide of gibberish spewing forth from her. (My grandma is the same way, but she's old...)

The Reluctant Damsel: this person is often a friend, a friend in constant need. But unlike friends who may need money or help moving, this friend manages to simultaneously ask for and refuse help. To those of us of the "fixer mentality" there is no bigger irritant than this.
The way it usually plays out is the Reluctant Damsel will come to you and say, "Oh man, what do I do? I can't _________ because of _________, and if I don't ___________ I’m going to be _______________." with all blanks filled in, the doe-eyed-damsel will look to you for advice. Naturally you review the situation and let them know what you feel would be the best actions to take in the situation. This is where the reluctance comes in, because after you've involved your self in the damsel's situation this person will simply ignore every bit of help you've offered. (This situation usually has a follow up where the damsel will reappear days later complaining about the course of action they followed which was no where near what you recommended, thus perpetuating the cycle.)

The Harping Harpy: what ever you did, this person will never let you live it down. It doesn't matter what happened, or how, this person feels it is their life's work to remind of what happened at nausiam. There is nothing that will escape their judgmental talons. There is a fine line on how much shit someone should get for an infraction; the harpy will ride that line as much as they ride your ass.

The Cocky Cock Blocker: This guy is a dick. There’s no other way to put it. Regardless the situation this guy will intentionally stand between you and your goal. Exploiting the "all fair in love and war" theory he turns every social interaction into a chance to rub some dirt in your face. Usually cock blocking (or, Clam jacking, for the ladies) is done in a situation where there is competition for a mate, but the Cocky Cock Blocker will do it for any situation, be it meeting friends, coworkers, or amongst family.

Orville Office Walker: I'm not sure if this guy actually works in your office or not, no one is. Oh, he's employed, and he does get a paycheck, but no one knows what he does. Strike that, we know what he does; he walks around pestering you about your job. No matter what you're working on, this guy has the time to bug you about it. If you're lifting something he's there to point out that it's not heavy, if you're delivering something he just happens to be going the same way, hell, even taking a piss is this guy's prerogative. The worst part is that regardless of how much you may dislike him you can't quite hate him, at least, until you learn his secret for getting out of work.

Mr. & Mrs. Bitch-n-Moan: Give it a fucking rest you two! You’re in a relationship that's not too shabby and you act like you're dating the antichrist. There are times when you're going to rub each other the wrong way, it happens. I say this on behalf of ever person who has to listen to you two, "just make like an abortion an suck it up.

The Gasser: I fart, you fart, we all fart. Sometimes an ill-timed fart will slip out and it will result in a hearty laugh. The Gasser, on the other hand is someone who, without the social graces of common livestock, insists of farting as their means of humor. While "toilet humor" may be at the lowest echelon of the comedy totem pole, if used properly it can be damn funny. But when your only means "injecting humor" into a situation is to expel air that has been fermenting in the log-jammed sewer you call a colon, well, it's just pathetic. (No, the irony is not lost on me relating this to the last video I posted.)

The Fertile Peasant: you're dirt poor and you have 50 kids! Buy a condom you fucking retard.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Saturday, January 06, 2007

NSFW, Butt Damn It's Funny

OMG! This is the 2nd funniest thing I think I've ever see...

I mean, most fetishes are funny, but god damn...




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Playstation 3 VS Wii

So in my penniless pondering I've been thinking about stuff I can't afford, mainly a new video game system.

The two systems I was thinking about was Playstation 3 and the Wii
(ah the flights of fancy)

Luckily I found this vid comparing the two



(good thing fat chicks give head, hehehe)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Memory Lane

Ever have a song evoke memories from long ago?

when I was a young Malchik in the 80's my mom started listening to Paul Simon. She listened to his Graceland cassette constantly while cleaning the house, driving in the car, yadda yadda.

be it the rhythmic beat or the subtle messages of political oppression, the music just spoke to six year old Exile.
(yes, this song is from 1986)

This is the song that I heard that brought the onslaught of memories back


I can remember vacuuming the living room while my mom lay on the couch drinking her "lunch beer" listening to this one:


I can even remember walking around wearing my brother's old Yellow and Blue walkman with matching headphones (it only had fast forwarded, no rewind) listening to this one:


A wash of memories from the 80's... Where are my Oakley Blades?
Blades baby!




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com