Sybian509

So if you could be a robot what would you be?

I KNOW!

I'd be a Sybian.

I like to lie and say that I am.

This is definitely NFW, but hey, what about me is?




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

A New Job

So is it wrong to sign up the one you love for these classes?

http://www.onlinebliss.com/

I mean, it's the gift that keeps on giving.

I wonder if they're accepting applications for test dummies.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Mine's Bigger Than Yours!

Herb On Bed
Originally uploaded by Exile509.

Meet Herb.

Herb is my snake.

Herb used to be a stoner, that's how he got his name.

Herb's story:
I didn't actually buy Herb, but rather, we rescued him. Nearly 10 years ago my brother went to the storage yard to remove the battery from our boat. When he pulled the tarp off the boat there was little Herb staring him right in the face. Needless to say my brother screamed like a little girl then grabbed a shovel intending to chop Herb's head off. Once he noticed that the snake wasn't striking he scooped into a box, brought it home, then left the box on the kitchen counter. I came home from school opened the box and saw the snake. My brother walks in, sees me holding the snake and says "good, he's not poisonous."

The greedy young men we were (are?) we decided to sell off little herb. Unfortunately he found out that he's the most common of common snakes and that no one would buy him. So my brother decided he would keep "our" uncommonly common snake.

A year or so passed and my brother moved out (again) and took herb with him. When I went out for a visit I arrive to find my brother in a very pissy mood. it turns out Herb (the worlds most passive snake) had struck at my brother. My brother, being the sensitive bloke that he is, whapped Herb's head into the wall and tossed him into his tank. After hearing all this I push monkey boy out of the way inspect Herb.

unbeknownst to many outside of the snake world, snakes have two fat reserves on their bodies, their tails and the back of their head. Herb's head looked like it had caved in.

I asked my brother when he had last fed the snake.
He said two weeks ago.
I asked what he fed him.
He said one white mouse...

One white mouse once a month is fine for a foot and a half long snake (the way we found him) but NOT FOR A FIVE FOOT SNAKE! To make matters worse my brother, who couldn't stand feeding Herb live mice, would put them in a shoe box and get them stoned before feeding. I can only imagine Herb was slithering all crooked and drinking lots of water. (Cotton Mouth Kin Snake, hehehe.)

Time passed, and sure enough I got a call from my brother to visit. Once again my brother had another bruise from Herb. This time Herb got stuck in the couch so my brother pulled him out cartoon style (feet on the couch pulling as hard as he could). Needless to say he hurt Herb and Herb returned the favor. My brother was now afraid of the snake and wouldn't take him out to play.

I told him I was taking the snake, he said he'd sell it to me, I sick Herb on him.

Herb's been my fateful companion ever since. We watch TV together, pick up the bitches, but never talk about the years with my brother.

I've known Herb for 10 years now, and after doing a little research I learned he's going to be around for a while. They can live to be 30!



Just to give you an idea of size the bed he's on is a Queen size bed, keep in mind he's not completely stretched out.

If anyone has any rats, kittens, or children they won't miss please contact me. Herb will be pleased to meet them.

I'm Just Being Honest

In the battle for sexual dominance, or dating as it is called in some circles, there are many things that are done that are not looked at through the lens of truth. As an ongoing effort by the Exile Industries Mass Education Program I bring to you the truth behind many common dating conundrums.


Working out at the gym every night to sculpt the perfect body is the same thing as buying a flashy car to impress the ladies.

You are a drink whore if you have no interest in the person buying you the drink, have no intention of talking to them the rest of the night but still accept the drink. (If you make it clear you have no interest in the person and they buy it anyways, then it's ok.)

Women go to dance clubs to dance, men go to"dry-hump" women into submission.

Confidence is a like catnip for women.

Leaving your bank statement on the passenger seat to con women into thinking you have money is pathetic, but it works.

Getting drunk on a bad date doesn't improve your mood, it just lowers your standards.

Guys are setting themselves up for disappointment when they brag about how big they are, if they down play then it exceeds expectation.

Girls with padded bras that knock them up a letter or two are committing an act of false advertising.

Guys, if you don't know what you're doing learn how, it's just pathetic.

Girls, you may think it's very lady like to have a rule like "no sex until our fifth meal together," but really you're just setting a price range for sex. (That makes you a prostitute, deal with it.)

TURN OFF THE CELL PHONE, unless it's life, death, or part of the evening's plans don't answer your phone. It doesn't make you look important, just rude.

If someone gets in the car before you and they don't make an effort to open the door for you it's bad news bears.

And finally, if you're looking to be offended just stay home, sometimes a "joke is just a joke, but this restraining order is killing me!"




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

A Conversation

This was the conversation I just had with the receptionist, Sonja, at my work.


(Exile walks up and her nail polish catches his eye)

Exile- that's cool nail polish, it changes from pink to purple
Sonja- no it doesn't (studying her nails)
Exile- well, it's purple, but the light reflects off of it pink... (momentary pause) and it's only on one hand?
Sonja- that's because I'm not left handed
Exile- yeah, but I don't think every girl who paints their nails are ambidextrous.
Sonja- (quizzical look)
Exile- you know, able to use their left and right? (trails off)
Sonja- you should see me paint my toe nails, I just paint the whole toe and then wait for it to wash off my skin
Exile- (with brain aching walks off and blogs conversation)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Thanks For Playing My Blog Story Guys

so lady like
Originally uploaded by Exile509.

Ok, a couple days ago I left a post about an challenge for people to leave things in the comments of the post that I would have to weave into a story.

It seemed like a good exercise, unfortunately only a small handful of people commented.

This picture sums up how I feel about all of you who didn't comment. If you want off the shit list make with the comments!

Don't make me sick Mitzee on your collective asses.

Redeem your selves here.

exile

I Don't Know How To Feel About This

So I was Ego surfing and I came across this: http://www.creyindustries.com/viewhero.php?id=9952

Luckily it isn't in any relation to my self or my book, other wise you'd see me go ballistic.

I suppose the name Exile isn't that original.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!

Damn it all to hell.

Yet another one of my ideas/inventions was built and sold before I could move on it.

What the hell? How is this possible? This isn't the first time either. Remember those glasses lights that came out a few years back? My idea. Oh yeah, everyone told me I was stupid but now every doctor, mechanic, and dateless nerd painting models (and crying) has them.

And now one of my favorite of favorite ideas. I won't even go into details, i'll just leave the link.

http://business.bostonherald.com/technologyNews/view.bg?articleid=92990

... sigh

here's more http://www.audi-oh.com/Store/default.asp

there's still one more variation of these that i'm designing and i'm not telling anyone! although I think I already did... ooops...



(special thanks to Viv for finding this for me)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Wired For Pleasure: The Coming Boom

Thanks Viv (http://viviane212.blogspot.com/) for finding this article, not only my favorite subject but a fun read as well.


Here's my favorite part, but you have got to read the whole article:

Getting good images of the aroused female brain is easy. It's orgasm that's the problem. In the doughnut, the slightest head movement ruins the scan. Even if a test subject holds her head perfectly still while masturbating, the parts of the brain responsible for motor control are switched on, muddying the picture. "You'll see vaginal sensory input to the brain," Komisaruk says, "but you'll also get motor activity of the arms and hands, as well as sensory input from them." To get clean data, he needed to find someone able to achieve orgasm without touching herself.

Vicky - not her real name - is one of these women. A California college student, she can climax by "thinking off." She contacted Komisaruk after hearing about his work from one of his other test subjects at a party.

"It's amusing to tell people that I jack off in an fMRI for science," says Vicky, quickly adding that the process is more like work than sex. A typical day of research begins with Vicky lying on the fMRI machine's bed; Komisaruk and his team strap down her head. Then she's fed into the doughnut and the machine begins taking pictures, a process Vicky describes as "loud and clunky." She stimulates herself by contracting her vaginal muscles rhythmically and controlling her breathing for 26 minutes.

Vicky and the imaging team worked out a hand signal she can flash when she starts to orgasm. "Basically, my head was strapped to a board in an extremely loud machine, and I had to let them know when I was about to come, so they could mark it on the computer," she laughs. "Whoo - so sexy!"

Click Here For The Article


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Topical Analgesic

Ok, I've decided to turn my writing funk into some funky writing. How you may ask? Simple, I'm going to write a short story.

What's it going to be about? Well, that's where you, my fateful blog slaves, come in.

This is how it's going to work, I want everyone to leave in the comments of this post a little something. It can be a topic, subject, idea, phrase, or item that they want me to work into a story. Be as creative, or as difficult as you'd like (challenge me, if you dare). Then I'm going to take every one of them and mash them into one single story. Everyone gets one (topic, subject, idea, phrase, or item) so choose, "but choose wisely, for the true grail will bring you life, the false, shall bring you death."

As for the actual story (what it will be based on or about) will be left at the whim of my Muse, Mitzee. If anyone wants to make suggestions feel free to do so in the comments, but she's going to make the final call.

Once I have comments from everyone (or at least from the people I like) I will mill out the story. What ever comes out, it's all your fault.




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Satisfaction Guaranteed

Centre Island Day 006
Originally uploaded by Shora.

Whatever makes you happy...

This Should Explain A Thing Or Two

man
Originally uploaded by Exile509.

This is for all the ladies who as why we act the way we act.

4th Of July In Santa Ana

The fact that fireworks are illegal in a majority of California made for a nice slice of irony for you to enjoy about where I live:



The fire works are legal, but the people are lighting them are not.




Viva El Cuatro De Julio

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com