So Many Delightful Lies

Surprise!


After months of planning, and working with Hella's Mom, her friend Elisabeth, and Hollz we managed to pull off the biggest surprise ever...

Thursday, November 22nd
Hella arrives at Jackasstors with her friend Elizabeth for a "Dinner for Two." But when she walks in she finds a surprise party with all her friends, all in honor of Hella and her entry to the Dirty Thirties.

she got the big ass "birthday girl" button.
she got the gift bags full of birthday goodies.
she got the balloons.
she got the cake.
She even got a few birthday cards...

And one very special card, a card that was "forgotten in Elizabeth's Truck."

The front of the envelope said "Read Me Out Loud"


The front of the card had this poem printed on a clear label in 11 pt font:

Melissa,
Your big “Three O” birthday is here at last,
Time to look to the future and move on from the past.
Your friends have all gathered in a celebration of you,
Of everything you’ve done and everything you do.

This year your birthday is going to be a special one,
With a dash something really super duper extra fun.
And if this “something” happens to take away your breath,
Just be sure to thank Hollz, your Mom, and Elizabeth

This little poem isn’t just a means to deliver some mush,
It’s also a crafty device to delay you a touch.
I’ve made you wait long enough to tell you this…


inside the card...
TURN AROUND FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY KISS!




Once upon a time there was a girl named Hella.
She was a Canadian girl who was in love with a far away fella.
Hella was about to have a very special birthday, she was turning thirty.
But little Hella was sadding cause she didn't have her man in which to be dirty.
All she wanted was to have him wrap his arms around her on her day,
and kiss her in that special way...
But money issues we keeping these lovers apart,
and it pulled on hella and made her sad in the heart.
But her boyfriend exile happens to be a plotter,
and found a way to make Canada a bit hotter.
He devised a plan and put it into action,
the plan was to break down the ticket into a fraction.
see, a ticket for the weekend would cost quite a bit,
but it wouldn't' be that bad if everyone helped out with it.
So exile contacted Hella's mom and told her his idea,
"have everyone chip in twenty bucks, instead of presents from Ikea."
he told this plan to Elizabeth and Hollz,
"be sure to lie to her to keep the secret, you gotta have some balls."
So it was all set and we said out delightful lies,
all of this, for Hella's Surprise!


Friday, November 23rd
We woke up in eachother's arms, it's the only way to start a day.
the only way to start the rest of your life.

after a long morning in bed we started our day the way we always dream of...

We made our way to the shower to wash away our "sins" (just so we could get dirty again).

Now, here's a little peek into a day in the life of Hella & Exile:

when we jumped in the shower i noticed that she didn't have a Loofa or a washcloth to comense the clensing. hella gave me her i got ya smile and said "i don't have a washcloth or a loofa, and i know it's going to kill you to break your routine..." she chuckled at me.

but the gears in my mind began whirring, the it hit me. A year ago, when i first visited Hella i bought her a bar of soap and a loofa with a promise that i would care for her head to toe. Every square inch of her skin.

That's when it hit me, durring that first visit in October of '07, when we stayed at hella's house for the first time we saw that her mom left a yellow loofa in her shower for her. but because i bought her the blue loofa she had no need for the new yellow one. So Hella took the yellow loofa out of the shower and tucked it under the sink.

The gears came to a halt, i rooted around under the sink, far to the back right of the cabinet, and there, in the corner was the yellow loofa. when i handed her the loofa i gave hella my i got ya smile.

that day we did the things that couples do, we walked around the mall, we held hands, and we kissed. then we kissed some more...

it's always amazes me that even though we're so far apart so often, when we're together we fall into a perfect rythm together. it's bliss.

i asked what hella would like to do for for her birthday, and her response was "mini-putt". so after i realized this wasn't an enuendo we went out and rocked the glow off the indor mini-put. (btw, a blacklight lit golf course allows anyone to enjoy the full experience of a bad acid trip, without the pesky Vietnam flashbacks. "Charlie is in the trees man! Charlie Sheen is in the Fucking Trees man!)


Saturday, 24th

I got to see a very pregnant Sass-a-frass!


Dinner with the Hella Clan went well, and Lasagnia is gooooooooood.

durring dinner it's a tradition in the Hella Clan that durring special birthdays all the people in the family gather together to honor the birthday person by saying something from the heart. There is also a tradition that you give them something personal, if possible something made by hand.

See, I like to make presents, and last year i made Hella a little photo collage and sent it to her along with some goodies.

but this year, i made her something big, something that took me three weeks of careful planning and timing...
and it only last 5 min! (just like sex, hehehe)

I burned this onto a DVD for her, but here is a smaller "internet verison."


*sniffle*

Sunday, November 25th

Snuggles and Showers....
mmmmmmm...

Sunday was one of the those tough days, because it was our last day together.

but i did get a chance too see hella's monkey again, i even gave him a little present:


he was so excited that all he could do was talk about sharing them with his "Mommy".

Unfortunately, with all my excitement and plotting for hella's surprise i didn't pay much attention to my departure. see, i arrived on an Air Canada flight, and i thought my flight home was the same, but it was booked through United Airlines. usually this wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that the airport did a little remodeling. so with Hella and Monkey in hand i found out that not only was i not on-time for my flight, but i was running behind and in the wrong terminal!

we ran back to the car and i did a "tuck-and-roll" at Terminal Three, sprinted through security, and skeetered to a stop moments before boarding. all the while all i could keep thinking was "how bad would it really be if i missed my flight?"
*sigh* (Hella was having the same thought)


recap

let me tell you, when you are always honest and open with someone, it's a bitch and a half to keep this big of a secret from them. i distinctly remember so many nights that we talked on the phone and she was missing me so badly...
"36 days till we get to see each other..."
it was killing me, but god it was worth it!



(this was supposed to be my HNT on thursday, but uploading the video took a little longer than i thought)


and yes, Moe had birthday wishes for you too!




Happy Birthday Squishy


Exile

HNT- half nekked touque

Lucky u, i touque the time 2 snap an hnt on my cell.

hhnt

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Happy Turkey Day

It's Thanksgiving Day, or haven't you heard nothing?
position your self right, and get with the stuffing.
The families will come out of the wood work in a swarm,
cover it with gravy to keep your giblets warm.
the turkey will be cooked, a fine brown glaze it will be dressed,
and wrap your mouth around a nice and juicy breast.

if you carve the turkey the requests you will hear,
be extra careful if you start from the rear.
use your knife to separate the dark from the light,
go nice and slow so there won't be a fight
don't for get the dinner rolls, they will be a treat,
do it right and those buns will be full of meat.

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all,
even if what you're going to have is small.
eat hearty when you get home,
watch your teeth when you get to the bone!

(if this didn't seem like my usual style try reading every other line,
hehehe)

exile

Haiku Fridays

Mail at the Parents
"insurance will be canceled,
fifteen days past due"

Forgot to tell me?
Two hundred and fifty dollars!
Broke... Could this be worse?

I wrote out the check
Called, paid by phone instead
SHIT! Mailed the check too!

exile

HNBB- Half Nekk'ed Bee Bo

Seeing as though Hella is obsessed with the Bee Bo, i thought i'd give her what she wants...

i do that



(that's water from pool, i swear!)



Exile

Bored

I spend my day measuring very small parts for cars and stuff. it's usually a
very busy job, but now that we're hitting the end of the year things are
slowing down a bit.

when things get slow my job gets a bit easier, but when their too slow, I
get bored.

I usually try and occupy my mind when I'm in such a bored state, but seeing
as though blogging from work isn't all that easy I find other things to do.
like...

redesigning holding fixtures using modeling clay

(the real one will be made out of aluminum or something)

and, if I have some left over clay...

I make dogs out of clay!
(sometimes I make snowmen too!)

then there are times I'm so bored I'll actually get some work done (rare as
that might be, hehehe)

so what do you do when you're bored at work?

exile

Grrrrrr...

this is just one of my biggest pet peeves.

SOMEONE ATE MY TAQUITOS!

I left my lunch from last week in the freezer with full intention of eating
it today and someone went in and ate it! WTF!

what kind of mentality does someone have that they look in the freezer, see
someone else's food and say "meh, if they didn't eat it by now I might as
well."

ok, it's been in there since Wednesday, but so has a lot of other disgusting
things! why couldn't they just eat the frozen milkshake? (sure, it had hair,
but if it wasn't for the hair you'd see all the bugs crawling around on it.)

and this isn't the first time this has happened! last week I put some
taquitos in there and someone opened up my bag and took a hand full of them
(the even left the bag open in the freezer, making what was left taste
nasty.)

grrrrr...

I swear, I'm going to make sure the next set of taquitos has a little
surprise in them... after all, if eat other people's food with such
regularity, it's only fair that you keep regular. Mwuah ha ha ha ha...

(yes, I intend on putting laxatives in a bunch of taquitos and leave them in
the freezer... how funny will that be, watching the thief spend their entire
shift unable to fart with confidence)

exile

Haiku Fridays

Blogger Opinions!
Come settle an "argument"
'tween Hella and I

First Issue is:
The Lower Back Tat on guys,
cool, lame, or very gay?

Question the second:
The dudes with Navel Piercing
what your call on that?

HNB Half Nekked Balls

Just playing with my balls & thought id share...

(I'm experimenting with blogging via cell... what cha think?)

hhnt

You Can't Fire Me... Slaves Have To Be Sold

I just came out of an impromptu meeting with the president of me company,
turns out not only were we for sale, but we've been sold.

yep, they just sold off the company to another company who owns a supplier
to us (so the farmer and a grocer owned by the same person). everyone
exiting the meeting is all freaked out now an preparing for the worst.

"what's going to happen to us?"
"are we going to lose our jobs?"
"will we still be the same company?"
"can I have a taquito?" (what? I wanted a taquito)

personally I'm not worried. the truth is that amidst the jet some, I am a
bit of flotsam, no matter which way the tide turns I'll be fine. I'm in a
little niche that is too important to just dissolve, yet not important
enough to replace (make me feel all warm and squishy just think'n about
that.)

the funny thing is that the two owners of the company are going different
ways on the issue. one has sold his half and said "see ya in the Bahamas"
while the other is going to stay on and will become an employee (a very well
paid employee).

I will say that I do feel empathetic towards those walking around with worry
and sadness written across their faces. a lot of people have been at the
company for nearly 15 years, so if change is scary, this must be
terrifying... but I still hold on to the belief that it will be too much
work to take over a company and fire off everyone just to retrain a whole
new crew. so most of us will stay on.

but hey, if they want to change the name of the person who signs my paycheck
they can go right ahead... so long as that's the only change they're going
to make to it! (of course, a raise would be nice, hint hint)

exile

The Coolest Shirt Ever!

OMG, my Geeky-senses are tingling!

as you all know i am a huge fan of technology. gadgets always catch my eye (well, gadgets and boobies).

i also have lot's of "funny t-shirts" too





but this shirt, brought to you by ThinkGeek.com

check this out!


Oh yeah, not only does this shirt light up... but it also detects WiFi!
Hell's yeah!

The WiFi Detector Shirt

now, I'm not one to drool over clothes, but man... that's one geeky shirt!


Exile

HNBS- Half Nekk'ed Blood Sucker

I've had too much too blog about lately, but i just had to share my costume...

this year i wasn't feeling it, so i threw on my "no effort vampire costume"

i won this mask in a children's coloring contest that said "all ages may apply, everyone is a winner"... hehehe

that was nearly 8 years ago...



are you scared yet?



How 'bout now?


and yes, i still hang to a few shreds of dignity...
very few...




HHNT to all... Blah!



Exile