Haiku Fridays

Rushing this morning
thank you for making my lunch
it's the little things

after much practice
getting better at Warhawk
(better at dying)

after that last post
I'm starting a new business
"Half Nekk'ed Housework"

Exile

HNHW- Half Nekk'ed House Work

The Past few days have been ridiculously hot.

How hot? well according to the Bank's Thermometer/clock it hit 116 last week around three o'clock. (and it can get way worse)

the oppressive heat has cause a bout of lethargy in me that has brought all housework to a stand still. it's too damn hot to do house work, and it's too damn expensive to turn on the AC (damn it).

So this HNT i decided to try and come up with a way to do house work, stay "cool", and still maintain my sexy.

what do you think?


"nothing sexier than a man that can do housework"


HHNT!

Exile

Tagged By Evening

I have been Tagged by Evening, and with nothing else to write i figure this will do for a post.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning of the post.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves in their post.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. of course, i fully intend to break this rule seeing as though i don't think i even have 5-6 readers anymore. hehehe
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.



1. What was I doing ten years ago?
Ten years ago i was eighteen years old, i had just graduated high school and got my first "real job" working at Blockbuster Video. i worked there for a year before starting "community" college so i could buy a truck (the same one that i'm still driving). i got a job there because i was madly in love with a girl that worked there, she was the stereo typical gangly nerd girl. She was Uber-Christian and when the register started reading up the total $6.66 for a new release she quit because it was the work of the devil. (ironically Blockbuster is evil, so it all balanced out)


2. What are five things on my list to do today?
my Tuesday to do list:
oversleep
rush to work
pretend to work
come home to play PS3
Sweat (it's averaging 116 degrees out here,wtf?)


3. Snacks I enjoy?
Enemame
Cheez-it's
Brownies (fuck yeah)
Nutty Bars
Sunflower Seeds



4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?
I'd buy a small island somewhere and live out the rest of my days in a solitary paradise of my own design. then i would put it all in a high interest savings account and live off the interest for the rest of my life.
if i got bored of that life i would either take the money and do something to save the world, or punch a panda in the face. (fuck pandas)


5. Three of my bad habits?
-i tend to correct people with out thinking twice.
-i get all Neurotic and obsessive when it comes to imperfections. (i have to straighten pictures.
-if i have have to be somewhere in the morning, I'm always late. (but at night I'm always early, go fig)


6. Five places I have lived?
-Lake Elsinore (current residence)
-Santa Ana (on the corner of Ghetto and Gang)
-Fullerton (near the big boy college, but i went to community)
-Rancho Santa Margarita (Whiter than sour cream)
-Portola Hills

7. Five jobs I've had?
-Assistant Dog Groomer (had to Express The Anal Glands on dogs)
-Assistant Manager of Blockbuster Video
-Pulling Shopping carts at Costco
-Working for The County Of Orange (i used to assign therapists to children in a group home)
-Quality Analyst (it's boring)



8. How did you name your blog?
-Exile: Exile is the name of the main character in the book (I've been working for years and plan to finish i swear)
-Exile Industries: Exile Industries is the name of the company he starts (inadvertently) in the past that keeps growing through out time.
-Department Of Redundancy Department: when i started the blog i was a bit "punchy" about a teacher actually assigning a "daily journal" in college. so i put a little snarkiness on it.



As i said before, I'm going to break the tagging rule, because that's how i roll. but if you'd like to play feel free to let me know in the comments



exile

Haiku Fridays

Just fifty eight days
till the Family Laughlin Trip
Have Room, need money

with rising prices
Gas will cost four times more than
the price of the room

could this be the year
I'll have a girlfriend with me
to enjoy Laughlin?

exile

Fuck'n Mexicans

see this? this right here is why i'm ahamed to be Mexican. even though i am a half breed, this kind of rampant stupidity shames the entire ethnicity.

gang tags are supposed to mark territory, they say "i have no respect for the property of other and i claim this place for my homeys."

so this retard decided that he would claim this toilet for his gang...
he does realize that he just made it so every one who can read this nonesense will be shitting on his name?

he should have tagged the toilet paper too so i could wipe my ass with his name too.

(for the record, no, i wasn't dropp'n dookie dogs when i found this. i wouldnlt want the ink to run and tag my own ass.)

exile

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Exile's A Father?

No

Hell no

no fucking way no.

that is, unless, it get's you free bowling. hehehe

Sunday was Father's Day, and at the local bowling alley they will often give
free games for certain days. so it was Free bowling for all the Dad's on
Father's day. Naturally we too full advantage of this.

At the start there were nine of us bowling, 5 guys, three women, and one
little kid. But when my dad went up to book the lanes he told them that all
the guys (My dad, my brother, my cousin's husband, their friend, and I) were
all fathers.

naturally, one look at me and they got suspicious, after all, I don't look
like I could be anyone's dad, but no one questioned it.

of course I was happy to go along with the lie. I mean we spent a whole day
bowling and only paid for beer. besides, Exxon didn't report every drop of
oil spilled, so ya never know. (I'm laughing and shuttering at the thought)

perhaps it was the "wake up and start drinking" breakfast I had, or it was
the lack of sleep (thanks to the PS3), but something happened that day that
was so funny I can barely put it in words:

my Cousin went bowling with us that day. She is half Italian and half Puerto
Rican; translation? she is extremely loud and has a huge butt. (her ass is
so big it has three smaller asses orbiting around it.) so we're bowling and
she's doing bad (she argues more than she focus's on bowling) but she
actually knocks down all but one pin on her first throw. she's absolutely
ecstatic, she grabs her ball, throws again and bang hit's the one pin
getting her first spare ever.

well she's so excited that she starts jumping around, and yelling. this
commences until she finally squats down to do one final jump...

Do you remember the Incredible Hulk? when ever he'd turn green she's grab
his shirt and rip it in half, bursting through the seams? yeah, well, this
was the incredible bulk.

yup, in mid celebration my Cousin squatted down and split her pants
completely in half. her but tore through that those jeans like Michael
Jackson though a daycare.

the horror... the horror...

when this happened my brother was at ground zero (she did the squat right in
front of him) and I was a little further back. omfg I laughed so damn hard I
fell into a seat and had tears rolling down my cheeks.

for the rest of the day anytime someone bowled a split a pun about my cousin
quickly followed.

all and all it was a good day. I had a pretty good game or two, check out
the stats.

Bowler Name: Exile
Game 1: 127
Game 2: 118 (this was the game she split her pants)
Game 3: 135
Game 4: 133
Game 5: 113

Best game: 135
average: 126

I'm doing better than I have in past games, but I need to do a lot better.
still... it's a start.

after bowling we did are usual pool and BBQ deal, all and all a good day.

now, I must make like my cousin's pants and split

exile

Haiku Fridays

I wanna go home
I'm so ready to play
(the game calls to me)

Full Tech emersion
so between this and blogging...
goodbye to sunlight

christened a new name
in the PS3 world
"MasterDebater"

exile

HNU- Half Nekk'ed Upgrade

Woot!

I'm all about the upgrades!
last week i upgraded my truck a bit, and tonight on my way home for work i stopped by Best Buy and upgraded the fuck out of my Tech.


check this out!
(and check out the sweet ass deals)


the first upgrade was my Cell Phone


as you can see, my old phone was in crap shape. it's scratched, it's battered, it's old. but check out the new toy!


is it not sweet?

check out the deal:
normally this phone runs about $149, but i got it for $30 by exploiting a glitch Best Buy's phone upgrade plan (turns out they have to honor prices they quote you at even if they quoted you wrong. hehehe)

Next i upgraded my Headset.
No longer am i bound by cords, I'm wireless bitch!

That's right, now I'm one of those pretentious pricks who walk around with a Blue Tooth headset on their ear at all times.
(just kidding, i would never do that, it's just not far enough into the future for me to walk around with tech strapped to my ear.)

check out the deal:
normally a Blue Tooth headset like this runs for about $50. but i got this one for about $10. And just how did i do that? well, i just happened to buy the last copy of the War hawk bundle with the free Blue Tooth headset.



"but wait," you ask your self with frustrations already building from lack of sexy in these HNT posts. "Why would you buy that game? it's a PlayStation 3 game...


I guess that leads us to my next upgrade.



OH FUCK YEAH! i finally took the leap and bought a PlayStation 3, but not just any PS3, this bitch is the Metal Gear Bundle. what's in a Metal Gear Bundle? (glad you asked)

PS3 Metal Gear Bundle Contents:
-Includes PlayStation 3 with high-definition Blu-ray Disc player, Metal Gear Solid 4 game, an 80GB HDD, a DUALSHOCK 3 wireless controller, a voucher for a free downloadable Pain game and free PlayStation Network membership
-80GB internal hard drive provides exceptional storage space for game saves, media and more
-Cell Broadband Engine state-of-the-art microprocessor is more powerful and efficient than standard single-core processors, delivering breakthroughs in fidelity and believability
-Blu-ray media stores up to five times more data than DVDs, providing a larger canvas for unbelievable graphics and unprecedented interaction; Blu-ray drive also plays Blu-ray movies for a high-definition experience with your favorite films

also, the 80GB is reverse compatible, so my old PS2 & PS1 games won't go unplayed! yay! which is good, what with the issues i've had with my old PS2.


Man i'm loving this whole "out with the old, in with the new attitude."

Wait, what's that in the mirror?



What do you mean where?



...so, now that my hair has betrayed my age, i hope you're not thinking of upgrading to a newer Exile.



Exile

Conversations

Allow me to allow into a glimpse of my existence though conversations i've had over the past few weeks.

Exile & Dad:
Exile- that medication is crazy
Dad- what medication
Exile- that stuff you took that helped you beat cancer
Dad- oh that fucking stuff
Exile- *caught off guard* what are you talking about?
Dad- how would you like to take a medication that made your fingernails grow into your finger tips and cough up blood? i think i'm going to stop taking it.
Exile- Pop, it cured you of cancer, so you're going to take it till you're finished.
Dad- says who?
Exile- says me. i mean, what would you say if the situation was reversed?
Dad- well i would say it's a quality of life issue and that you can make your own decisions.
Exile- you're full of shit.
Dad- it's a "Quality of life issue" and..
Exile- and nothing. look, you're a grumpy old man, but we do want to keep you around for a while. so suck it up. further more, if the situation was reversed you'd load that crap in a dart gun and shoot me in the ass.
Dad- no i wouldn't
Exile- liar face!


Exile & Gordon:
Gordon- so did you get a pair of those free shoes off the truck?
Exile- yeah, but they had to order mine.
Gordon- they didn't have your size?
Exile- the size elevens were crap, so i order a pair i liked.
Gordon- size eleven?
Exile- yeah, why what size do you wear?
Gordon- i wear size eight, why? are you going to make fun of me for having a small penis?
Exile- Nah, i'm just going to make fun of you because your penis is smaller than mine.


Exile

Haiku Fridays

A "fix-it ticket"
NUMEROUS CRACKS ON WINDSHIELD
(just say "no" to crack)

had to replace it
was Two hund', talked'em down
to ONE SIXTY FIVE!

went to CHP*
they signed off on the windshield
then warned "missing plates"

(*CHP stand for California Highway Patrol)

exile

HNSL- Half Nekk'ed Second Life

Do you have a life?

no?

well, do you want another one?

Then you should join...


So, Shibari decided to share her addiction with me and signed me up with Second Life.

What is Second Life you ask?
Well, imagine world of islands and each one is themed around common interests, the people you see walking around are from all over the world and you can converse about all your interests and so on...

OK, now here's what it really is. Second life is more like a giant series of Chat rooms, except instead of using a messenger (like Yahoo or MSN) you walk around and talk to people. you can IM within the SL world or just walk up and start chatting. aside from chatting there i also shopping, and that seems to be the main focus of this little VR world. nearly every "island" you visit has stuff for sale and you can buy clothes, cars, and houses for your little avatar to have an awesome life! (especially compared to yours).

oh, and then there's the sex, and lots of it!



and of course you've got erotic dancers...


(there are even SL prostitutes)

Now, admittedly, i'm a noob to Second Life, so have to admit that i have not explored it to it's fullest. (honestly, i haven't found anything else to to save for the things i've just mentioned.) but really, aside from being highly addictive, (i've lost hours exploring and dancing in clubs), it really doesn't have much in the entertainment department. (it needs an arcade, or an objective of some kind.)

the only thing that is close to an actual "game" that i've found is something called "bloodlines" in which you join a vampire clan and collect souls by biting people and getting them to become vampires too. (so needless to say i suck)

personally i'm on the fence about Second Life, i mean, it's alright, but i need to see more. i mean, when i sign off i don't feel like i've accomplished much, well, aside from making my avatar look cool.

so without further delay, this HNT i'm showing of Exile in Second Life!



check out how Vampy i am. oooooooh so spooky! Blah ^V^


personally, i like the irony that i'm a vampire sporting a Vampire-Hunting back back
(no, the backpack doesn't actually do anything, well except for making me look cool)


and yes, even in Second Life, the ladies love me for my personality


(yeah, i know it's not a real picture of me, but at least this post isn't about bowling.)



Exile

Instruction Without Insult

the day before yesterday I went bowling with my Dad. as you may remember
before, one of my main concerns with him "teaching me" how to bowl would be
that he would make fun or laugh at me.

oddly enough, I must have caught him on a good night because there was no
cynical remarks or judgments.

these were the major bones of contention with my current performance:

1. the stance- for some reason when I bowling I start off way back where
"the floor meets the boards". according to my dad starting up back there
throws off my alignment, making it so I veer to one side or the other when I
make my approach. (just like the alignment in your car.)

2. the release- my dad's preferred method of throwing the ball is to do a
motion like you're shaking hands. my previous style was what I call "stealth
bowling", it didn't make a sound down the lane. and while it was accurate,
it didn't' make the pins explode into each other (that's what causes a
strike btw)

3. "Umpfh"- evidently I don't put enough Umpfh into my throws. the way I
bowled before was all about picking the exact spot I wanted to hit. the down
side is that my previous style didn't allow for throwing hard. (any time I
threw hard I'd wind up all over the lane). with this new "hand shake" throw
I can hurl Ichabod a lot faster, and because he's acrylic the pins bounce
pretty hard. (of course, my aim isn't the best now)

4. focus- "karate here, karate here" or so Mr. Miagi says. essentially, when
I bowl I get distracted, either by the cute girl one lane over, the
little-son-of-a-bitch-bastard crawling on the other lane

5. heavy balls- turns out I'm even picking up my ball wrong. when I walk up
to the ball return I go to the ball, put my fingers in, swing it to the read
position and wait. my dad says the right way to do it is to roll the ball
into your left hand so your arm doesn't get tired. I guess I've been wearing
my right hand out this whole time (funny, you think it would be used to a
work out.)

so after a game and a half's worth of instruction we did some serious
bowling... I got a 128. I am trying to stay positive saying that these were
training games, but a 128? egads, I did worse than last time!

I'm going to try sticking with this new style and see how it goes. but if I
don't show improvement soon then the next time Ichabod will see the light of
day will be Halloween, AS A DECORATION!

(btw, I still haven't gotten a solid answer from my minions, do I keep
calling the ball Ichabod or do I give it a new name? and no, Ichabod 2
doesn't count as a name.)

exile

Lost Without You

on my drive into work this morning I was listening to the yammering banter
of the morning DJs. the topic of discussion was, as usual, about who drank
the most or who had the worst hang over.

at one point the started specifically picking on one of the guys on the
show. the main thing they were picking on him for was his appearance. they
described him as wearing a beat up Heart Of Huntington t-shit, a old
baseball hat, and looking quite malnourished.

after a bit of probing they finally got the back story out of him. it turns
out that he's been married for a while and his wife left to go see family or
something (he couldn't recall why she left.)

she's been gone for over a week and since she's been gone he's:
a) been living off a diet consisting only of Macaroni and Cheese (he cant'
cook for himself)
b) drinking beer, including ones that have been sitting (he doesn't go
shopping) out on the counter for the
duration of the week.
c) been wearing nothing but dirty clothes (he can't do laundry)
d) forgotten to flush the toilet (his wife reminds him to)
e) lost a goat (he decided to buy a goat, paint it like a zebra, and take it
to an Iron Maiden concert

my first thought about this was that this guy is kinda pathetic. (actually,
my first thought was "why a goat? sheep are much softer...")

but after a while I started to think about it further, there are a lot of
guys who become completely helpless without someone (wife/mother) to take
care of them.

personally, I've lived "on my own" my whole life. I learned to do my own
laundry in elementary school and I also learned to "cook" for my self about
the same time. (my mom prides her self on my independence, but really it's
because she didn't do any of it.) so I've never been in the situation where
I've need to depend on someone for my survival. and save for a few pet
though out my life time, no one has ever depended on me for their survival.

the thing I'm wondering now is what is it like on both ends of this? how
does it feel to be that dependant, or even, what's it like to be so needed?

So I think I'm going to put these questions out there to all my minions, and
lurkers. (answer whichever one you fit into.)

1. Are you the kind of person who depends on some else for the majority of
your daily home life? if so, what is that like.

2. Do you have another person (or persons) who you know that if you weren't
there to care for them for a week or two they would become savages,
defecating on the front lawn?

(btw, they asked the guy on the radio "so how long until your wife gets
back." to which he replied "I have no idea, she keeps track of those things
too."