Trapped

natalie6
Originally uploaded by Protagonist.

As we create our freedoms, we also create the traps we fall into.

Haiku Fridays

Spent all week cleaning
there were much needed repairs
I give it a week

***

Big plans this weekend
they involve burgers and booze
my meat and your buns...

***

It's an addiction
some days I can't go without
monstrous cravings...



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

HNC- Half Nekk'ed Camera

So with a complete lack of inspiration, and without a thought as to what to shoot for HNT I decided to feature the camera that's been causing me so much trouble lately.

I pride my self as a smart guy, but I can't get this damn thing to take a decent picture. Every pic either comes out grainy or jiggly.

So this HNT I present the bane of my photographic existence, my camera.



What? How could the poor photo quality be the fault of the hand holding the camera? That's unpossible.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Work’n In A Pine Mine, Go'n Down Down Down...

I don’t like physical labor.

I’m just not into it.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like the feeling of accomplishment one receives from taking on a large (dare I say, insurmountable) task, but honestly I’m not a fan of the work.

Me, I’m an office monkey, give me a huge project with a banana as my reward and I am dauntless (that’s a metaphorical banana).

This weekend we had to do Weed Abatement up at the cabin in Big Bear. For those of you who don’t know, weed abatement is the act of cleaning up all the pine needles and branches and crap off your property. The reason this is so important is that if there’s a fire the ground it’s self won’t erupt into a flaming carpet of doom.

Very few people realize how many pine needles are lost over the course of a year, but let me tell you, it’s pretty close to a fuck-ton. There were some areas where it was well over 4 inches thick. I swear, with the amount of shit on the ground you’d think the trees would be dead or something, but no they just stood their laughing at us with their tree laughter.

We were supposed to have a “full crew” of people up there. Myself, my dad, my mom, my brother, two of my brother’s friends, and my cousin-in-law (is that right?) Steve. Of those seven people that were supposed to show up it was my mom, my dad, and myself.

The original plan was to have everyone be there Saturday morning, we work for a while, clean the place up, then spend the weekend playing on sea-doos and fishing. Yeah, that didn’t happen. Instead while the other four people were out “gallivanting” about, (swimming in my parent’s pool no less) we were busting our asses scooping wet and rotting pine-needles into trashcans.

The one plus side to it all was the weather. Ya see, lately in “the valley of the dirt people” (Lake Elsinore, etc.) it was hitting 115 degrees by 10 am and it was so muggy you didn’t so much breath the air as you drank it. But up in Big Bear the temperature was a cool 70 degrees with thunder and lighting, with scattered downpours. With all the heat I forgot what cold weather felt like, it was surreal to be walking around with my umbrella (yes, I always have an umbrella in my backpack) in the middle of July. (For those of you who are not Californian’s keep in mind this never happens, and I mean never). There were a couple times I just walked out into the rain just to remember what if felt like.

Coming home on Sunday was not exactly pleasant though, driving down the mountain, as we descended the temperature ascended. It was horrible, like driving into a wet fart I tell’s ya. By the time we finally reached home we could barely recall what the 70 degrees felt like.

At least I did learn two things this weekend: (1.) While it’s better to be working up a sweat in 70 degree weather than just sitting and sweating in 115 degrees I’d still rather not be working. And (2.) my brother, his friends, and Steve are all assholes, thanks to their lack of help there was no sea-doo-ing.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Haiku Friday

Survived rafting
beatup by little girls
shoulder is better

***

Sea-doos this weekend
and clean up pineneedles too
clerks will have to wait

***

I'm single again
time to lock up your daughters
(and farm animals)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

More Than Meets The Eye (Updated HNT Post)

So I guess none of us are safe…

...from remakes of classic movies, toys and/or cartoons.

That’s right, Transformers.

It looks like they take on even more than just Megatron and his lust for energon cubes. Lucky for you I did some digging and acctually found a clip from the movie.



I guess all that’s left is to make a Voltron movie.


(Updated)
As for my HNT post i'd like to give my opinion that...

remakes bite!

(all for you Jefferson)



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Weekend Update

Hello all you happy bloggers out there, I know you’ve all missed me, but now that I am firmly plugged back into the information pipeline I thought I’d give you an update on the weekend.

As you recall I was quite excited about my rafting trip, and for good reason. I’ve never been white water rafting before but it’s a blast. The thrill and the excitement of going into a potentially dangerous situation is always a rush.

Our raft was the best raft in the water. The crew consisted of myself, Peaches, Curt and his girlfriend, and Sharron (all friends of Peaches) and Capt’n Bob. Capt’n Bob was one of those old guys who knew the river like his woman. Well, not so much his woman, but a woman. Regardless, he knew exactly what he was doing, instead of making us row like the damned he only made us do percision strokes, this meant we could enjoy the rapids rather than work ourselves to death. It too me a while to get my rythum, but eventially I perfected my stroking (hehehe).

On the river there are times when the water is calm enough to jump in, or in our case, sack the other boats. We dominated every water fight we got into. Essentially our key to victory came from Curt’s Bucket Kung-fu, my Sharp Shooting with the pump gun, and the girls manuvering the raft into striking position. (btw, incase you’re wondering the girls rowed, they didn’t just sit there, they were move’n that raft.)

The second day we were a well oiled machine, hangovers aside we awsome. We were so good that we acctually became the rescue boat. The first raft flip we saved two people from the rapids (this isnt’ an exacgeration, just keep reading.) The first we saved was Briana, a whispy 14 yearold (she comes into play later…) and her friend’s dad Mike (a huge dude.) Briana was easy to scoop up, but mike had already gone down into a nasty spot in the rapids, our boat rowed against the current to rope him, it took a while, but we finally got him safly over the rocks and back down stream. The next set of rapids were even uglier, they had a name like Satan’s Endtrials or something. Our raft went down first and we kicked major ass, the other rafts weren’t so lucky. One raft went high on it’s side and was about 50/50 on tipping, then another raft crashed into them flipping both rafts.

In the middle of these rather nasty rappids it became a veriable “people soup” heads were bobbing everywhere and people were strugling to get out of the water. Luckily our raft rocked so much that we were able to get out there and start scooping up people. We pulled a guide out of the water and a 13 year old named Megan. Unfortunately in our fight to pull everyone else in we were run a ground by another boat. In the end one person broke their leg by we managed to save a few.

It’s kinda odd to say, but it was awsome getting to play hero for a while.

At night at the camp the alcohol was free and so was the food, and man was it good. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, campfire weenies are usually quite tasty.


But this was no mere camp out, can you say “steak and lobster?” Now, I will admit that the lobster was a bit “teenie” but they were still quite good and the steak was perfect!

Acctually, durring the trip the only physical injury I recived was a wrenched shoulder and elbow, ironically not from the rapids, but because I was beat up by two 14 year old girls… (is this a long enough pause or are they still laughing?) The story behind this goes as follows, there were these two 14 year old girls, Taylor and Brianna (the same one we fished from the water), and they were bored. Seeing as though I was bored too I played vollyball with them and so on. mid game they started a water fight with me and it was all in good fun. Later that day they wanted to play again, but being the old man that I am I just wanted to hang out by the water. unfortunately this did not fit into their plans and they pelted me with skittles and water. I told them “keep it up and I’ll get you back” to which they simply snickered. Needless to say I got my vengance. Right before we were going to take a bus ride into town I grabbed my pump gun and tuck it in one of the coolers filling it with ice water. from there it was a quick run until I caught up to them and blasted them both in the backs. (in 100+ degree weather it’s not like it was that bad). So the girls tried to take the gun which I wasn’t about to give up. They pulled and were acctually starting to break my grip (I swear it was like fighting three 14 year old girls), I was about to just let go and let them fall on the ground untill I realized they were right on the picknic benches, so I tightened my grip and they twisted the gun.

It kinda hurt at first.
Then it got worse.
Then worse.

I became naucouse with pain, buy the time we got to town I had turned grey-ish. I was dizzy with the pain, finally I decided to walk back to camp. On my little walk I nearly fell off the side rail of a bridge. Finally I had to stop and rest, while motionless (and still dizzy) I saw Peaches and Sharon walking to a resturaunt so I met back up with them and pleaded for some ice. After iceing my shoulder for a while I finally started to come back, it stopped hurting enough to eat, but it still kinda hurts but there were no hard feeling on either side of the water fight.

(yes, I go rafting and get injured fighting little girls…)

Unfortunately the pain in my shoulder wasn’t the only pain to come from this trip, six minuets after exiting the bus Peaches broke up with me. Leaving out details I just don’t want to go into, she felt that there was no reason to stay with me any more.

So aside from losing my girlfriend this was a great trip.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

HST- Half Scruffy Thursday

Okie doke kids, I'm posting my HNT this week a little early because I got shiz-nit to do before the rafting trip. With that said...


So on my drive home I was listening to the radio and they brought up the NO SCRUF movement. The concept is that women are not going to shave until men do.

Now, personally, I think this whole concept of women being "fed up" with men being "scruffy" is just retarded. Let's face it, if a man does something a woman doesn't like I doubt we (men) could possibly get away with it for long. And if we are doing something that women find "unattractive" then this usually results in a lack of sex, and once sex is threatened changes happen.

Personally, I though the idea of an entire movement against something so retarded just had to be noted.

Let's face it, neither side of the battle of the sexs enjoys shaving, plucking, and so on. Guys don't' like feeling itchy from razor burn, and girls, well I'll let Blonde Vigilante field this one.

So why do we do it? Simple, for sex.
("Exile basing everything on sex? Get out!)

See, when women don't shave they wind up with porcupine legs and, well, a Wang shredder. Ya see, women only shave these parts when they know they'll be in view, and yes, women know if these parts will be viewed (and by who.) so naturally in society's view when a woman shaves it's a subtle sign of sexuality or sexual interest. (oh BTW, society thinks like a guy)

So with a woman's "sex appeal" tied to her grooming society has passed it as law that women must shave these parts.

So why doesn't this apply to men? Why don't men have to shave their legs? Simple, we're better than women.

(If you don't have a sense of humor you really shouldn't be here)

actually the reason men aren't held to the same shaving standards is simply because that's not what women want. (...And that's when they all started writing their hate mail). Men are still held to society's belief that men need to MEN, their masculinity tied to their strength and virility. Now strength is an easy thing to spot, (big muscles = strong) but virility isn't so easily identified. Ergo, a visible sign of virility must be found. And that sign is facial hair, as we all remember in the squeaky-voiced days of youth, our facial hair was the first sign of puberty. Yes, the peach-fuzz of boy hood was being replaced with bristled hair of man hood.

facial hair had become the pelt of manhood, and seeing as though women like their man to look like a man (and not a boy) the facial hair has lasted.

Ironically, if women wanted the facial hair fad to go away they would have to only find the clean shaven men attractive, eventually the scruffy would go extinct (evolution, bitches).

Now, in my personal opinion shaving is a personal preference and should remain that way, but it should be done with their partner's needs in mind. In other words is a woman only shaved when she knew her boyfriend was going to come over that's totally acceptable. On the other hand, a guy should know that if his whiskers are lacerating his girlfriends thighs he should honor a request to shave. BTW, I used boyfriends/girlfriends in this example because we all know married people don't have sex. (again with the hate mail? Sheesh, just leave it in the comments!)

With that said I present a very scruffy HNT

(This is a week's worth of growth, my testosterone goes else-where *wink*)

and a well shaved HNT

(so seeing as though I shaved I'm getting some, right?)



Ok, go look at all the other HNT pics that are actually sexy...

Oh, and to keep you out of trouble this weekend here's a little video that might motivate you to stay in and get that house work done.





(Yes, I get that the NOSCRUF thing is a joke, I'm scruffy, not stupid.)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Rolling Down Da Ribber!

I’m so excited; Peaches and I are going on our first big vacation/trip! Yuppers, and we’re not just going somewhere, we’re going rafting!

This will be me and Peaches in 3 days!

Now I know what you’re thinking (hoping) but fret not, I will not be drowning on this little excursion.

Here’s the pitch, it’s 4 days of rafting, drinking, camping, more rafting, and hi-jinx. Oh yes, there will be hi-jinx a plenty. See, as we set out down the river we’re going to be split into multiple rafts, during the calm parts of the river it’s going to be a battle between the rafts. There will be splashing, there will be booze, and there will be horseplay. From my understanding the rafters will often board the other rafts and try and steal their stuff. We are going to be flying a pirate flag and everything. After all, we’re just a couple pirates after some booty!

Of course, floating down the river will have some dangers, especially for those who are “cuddly”.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Mechanical Foul? No, Robot Chicken!

Man I miss cable.

I miss how you could pretty much find anything to watch. Even if you didn't want to watch it, you'd find your inexplicably drawn in. (Discovery Channel any one?)

But the absolute best thing was finding shows that were so brilliant you couldn't help but to get hooked.

Adult swim was notorious for this.

the first example is Robot Chicken.

Robot Chicken (made by the same sick little monkeys that make Family Guy) uses the art of stop-motion animation, old toys, and some sort of voo-doo...


Next is the Venture Brothers.

Dr. Venture is the son of the late great Dr. Venture (senior). Dr. Venture (the not dead one) spends his life squandering his father's legacy and raising two kids who are, well, stupid. The Venture brother's are a pair of Johnny Quest "wanna-bes."



Some say TV rots your brain, I say brain rots, your... TV...

poop


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Haiku On Que

a good long weekend
means one thing for me
a shorter work week

Another story
Handcrafted by my Peaches
This is two so far!

only three days left
then my bro will turn thirty
i'm four years away



(fyi, the links in the middle haiku take you to her most recent story and to the first story wrote.)

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

A short by peaches: "Pretty Boy"

She knocked on the door, tentatively, and then with more confidence. She counted silently in her head, reaching four-mississippi before she heard the deadbolt slide back.

“Hi”, he said, “come in”.

Surreptitiously studying her surroundings, she continued exchanging meaningless pleasantries. “So, Pretty Boy, what are you up to?”, she asked to his back as he walked in front of her in the long hallway.

He stopped dead. Shoulders hunched, he spat out, “Don’t call me that”.

Still glancing around, she failed to notice the menace in his posture. “Why not, Pretty Boy?”, she retorted flippantly.

Whirling around, he furiously punched through the drywall in front of her. Shoulders shaking, head down, he whispered, “Because you know damn well I’m not. Now go, since you’re probably scared of me now.”

Gentle fingers pulled his hand out of the wall. Surprised, he looked up and got the shock of his life. On her face was an expression he had never thought to see on any girl’s face. She stared down at his bloody knuckles with unmistakable desire. He watched, fascinated, as her tongue flicked out to taste the drop of blood trickling down his index finger.

She looked up then, and he felt her eyes burning through him, turning every cell in his body to fire. With a grunt, he pinned her to the wall, his mouth crushing her lips as he made every attempt to devour her from the inside out. When he came up for air, he felt every inch of her body pressed up against him. A sudden wave of ice washed down his spine, This shouldn’t be happening, I misunderstood her, I should stop…

And, with all his willpower, he tried to pull away, tried to let her go. And found that she wouldn’t let him go. With a sudden heave, she threw him against the wall, leaning over to chuckle throatily in his ear, “What do you want?”

And with that, he gave in. He entwined his fingers in her hair, bending her head back cruelly so he could lick her neck. He felt, rather than heard, the gasp that shuddered through her body. And he was lost, lost in the scent of her, in the small sounds she made, in the pleasure of her body. He was lost for a very long time.

***

Later, she laughed and said, “See, I told you I could make you feel better.”

And he smiled.

HNA- Half Nekk'ed American

America, FUCK YEAH!


That's right, America just got a little bit older and we celebrated by blowing up a piece of it, eating BBQ, and lounging by the pool. Most importantly we were doing all this Half Nekk'ed.

So in honor of all this Half Nekk'edness I present a Patriotic HNT.


As you can see, my snake was not at full mast here...

But I can't just let Herb have all the fun


So here's to you America!


And how can I leave out or good friend Canada! (turn up your speakers for this one)






Made in America, bitches.



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Long F'ing Weekend, Long F'ing Weekend Review

Nothing like getting away from the heat to realize that there’s a world outside of Lake Smell-some-more. Just to give you an idea the temperature on Saturday and Sunday reached 110 (105 in the shade) and pretty much stayed there. It was so hot even Herb was complaining. To make things worse, my AC can only drop the temp 1-degree an hour. Which means like it or not IT WAS FUCKING HOT!

Saturday-
It got so bad on Saturday that Amber (the roommate) and I fled to my parents’ house and tried to sponge the cold out of a swimming pool, and because their AC kicks ass we turned the house into a winter wonderland. I almost forgot what it felt like to watch a movie without sweating.

On kinda cool thing that happened earlier that day was the “ego boost” I got from a van full of girls going on about how cute I am. Now now, before we get too excited, let me explain… see, amber works at as “care taker” of sorts for a children’s home. Earlier that day Amber had to deliver a bunch of the girls from the home to another home. Unfortunately for poor amber, not only were A) the direction wrong, B) her drop off contact not there, C) it hotter than fuck, but D) the van has no AC. So she drove around for an hour in the heat and had to return the girls back to the home they just left. Now we all know how pleasant a sweltering van full of 15, 16, 17-year-old girls can be, but needless to say Amber wasn’t having all the fun one might think. So on her way back she needed to pick up this little book thingy from the condo (I don’t’ know what it was, but I knew it was on the coffee table.) so she pulls up and I jaunt on down with the book. I deliver the book, tell Amber that homicide is not the answer and return to condo to continue sweating. When amber came home later that day I asked her what all the giggling was in the car, she said it was the prelude to a half hour inquisition about her roommate.

“Is he really just your roommate?”
“Can I be his roommate too?”
And other far more graphic questions…

Now, age difference aside they’re still girls and thus still shopping in the same isle, so I take the compliment for what it’s worth.

(Man, shave off the goatee and the bitches go crazy).


Sunday-
Nothing terribly interesting just sat and sweated, for some reason we (Amber and I) decided not to take advantage of my parents’ pool and watched movies at my place.

Yeah, I don’t remember smoking crack but I must have for staying home on a day like that.

Monday-
I said fuck this heat and took off to Big Bear to play in the lake.

My brother had organized an “impromptu” trip for the 4th and I was cordially invited. So I planned my drive so that I could meet Peaches for lunch and check out her new office and then climb the mountain in time to play on the like.

So why is it half way up the mountain I get a call from my brother:
Bro- have you left the house yet?
Exile- yeah, I’m climbing the mountain right now.
Bro- damn it
Exile- yeah, I’m happy to see you too
Bro- no, I was hoping you were still at home
Exile- why?
Bro- because, we don’t have any life vests, the keys to the Seadoo box, or the ball hitch for my tuck.
Exile- … (a pause to soak in the info)
Bro- still there?
Exile- yes I am, unless you’re going to ask me to go back, then I can’t hear you.
Bro- well fuck.
Exile- I have a key to the Seadoos, just buy some cheap ass vests.
Bro- fuck.

Yeah, so we didn’t go out on the Seadoos that day, but we did watch Dusk Till Dawn

After that I went to Peaches’ house, ate dinner, then crashed out.

Tuesday-
Ever have one of those nights where you go from freezing cold to so hot you’re stewing in your own juices? Yeah, for some unknown reason that’s how we slept that night, I suddenly feel empathy for women going through menopause (hot flashes and all…)

Naturally we still managed to sleep in till noon(ish).

On our way into Big Bear we called ahead and found out that my family was still out on the boat fishing, this made quite the opportune time to get some grub. And when you think mountain home cook’n what come to mind? Yup, Queen Of Siam Thai Cuisine.

Now normally I wouldn’t go in a Thai food place, I have a bad stomach, so trying new things is usually out.

Here’s me:

(If I go crazy man, will you still call me super man?)

After following every sentence with “Not Spicy” my order was in and it came out quite good. Damn good. I think I have a new place to eat in Big Bear! (McDonalds will miss me.)

Movies, napping, yadda yadda, nightfall came.

This was what the trip was all about, we all piled into the boat and headed out into the middle of big bear lake, there we got to sit, rocking with the waves and watched the sky light up. Fire codes and all the rot make it so the only place to launch fireworks is directly over the lake, so sitting in the bow of our boat is the perfect place to watch from. It was Peaches 2nd time on a boat (first time tearing ass around a lake on a boat) but we still did our best to curl up and watch the fireworks.

Amidst the “ooh’s” and “ah’s” we could hear my mom singing “America, FUCK YEAH!”*
To which we replied “durka durka, Jihad jihad.”


*if you haven’t seen Team America: World Police yet, I’ll put a Jihad on your ass…



Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

This Is The Only Way I Can Describe It

I stole this from Backdoor Slider because I had to,

it's the only way i could get it out...




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com