Be Safe This Halloween (And Costume Help Poll)

Before you decide to be a cut up this Halloween,


and try and scare up some fun,


Remember to keep your eyes open for danger.





It's usually the things that seem risky usually are...




Sometimes it's just better to stay home and amuse your self.




Cause even chasing pussy can be dangerous!


Happy Halloween!



(I know this was lame, but i had all these funny .gif files i wanted to show off...)


On to pressing matters. I need some help with my costume. The costume is pretty simple, I'm going to have some puncture holes in my neck, blood running everywhere, and I'll be wearing one of my "Give blood" shirts. I'll be a Vampire Attack Victim (blood donor...)

Luckily the Red Cross makes some really cheesy shirts, so i want the one that's going to be the funniest. So i leave it to my very competent readers to pick Shirt 1 (left) or Shirt 2 (right). (The pics show the shirts front and back.)

Sorry for the short notice, but i need to know ASAP (the party is Sat. night.)



Thanks kids!


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

HNT: Herb Nekk'ed Thursday

Herb Leg 2
Originally uploaded by Exile509.

Per Shora's request...

And at 11:42pm i'm sliding in right at the buzzer.

Random Thoughts

These are just random thoughts running through my head...

• If you're stranded in the mountains with no food, how long should you wait until resorting to cannibalism? After all, you still need your strength to over power your fellow hiker.
• If you do something special, but you do it all the time, does it become less special?
• I hate when i ask someone how they're doing and they drone on about everything in their life, only to walk away with out showing any remote interest in you.
• It is such a cruel bit of irony that when those of us with glasses set down our corrective lenses we can no longer see where we left them.
• We all have some restaurant (or fast food place) where every time we eat there we feel over charged and disappointed in the quality, yet we keep going back. Mine is Subway.
• I always find it funny that every Halloween people get all secretive about their costume and think they're so original, only to arrive at a party with 50 other "Slutty Dorothy's." (Or Slutty Cops, or Darth Vaders...)
• Do you ever spell spell check an e-mail someone sends you, then delete it?
• When someone farts on you in their sleep you never feel like you can trust them again.
• I'm behind in my work. I am so behind that even the collective pull of the entire office couldn't get out of this hole... And yet, not a single person has noticed... How important is my job if it not getting done doesn't affect anyone?
• In regards to finding a roommate, I'm starting to think i should write the whole thing off as a bad idea and just rent out the garage as storage. (Current number crunching has it that Income-expenses= -$150.)
• There's a place out on the Ortega Hwy (near where i live) where they sell every kind of jerky imaginable, from buffalo jerky to venison jerky. And they're a busy place, cars are always lined up out there. This leaves me wondering, how much does a job pay where you have to jerk your meat all day?
• "With enough caffeine one could take over the world."
• The past couple of nights Herb (my snake, to those just tuning in) has been running laps in his tank. For a pet with no feet he sure acts like he has somewhere to go at 3am.
• One thing i hate about my job is that i can't really talk about the things that happen here, confidentiality aside, when people hear about the things that happen they become horrified and depressed. (I'll bet meat jerkers don't have that problem.)
• during sex women will sometimes say "harder," "deeper," or "faster." But if i guy ever says "tighter..."
• I wish i had a pet midget. If i had one he'd be the toughest midget on the block. I'd give him a spiked collar and tattoos. I'd put a raw egg in his kibble once a month to ensure a shiny coat. I'd teach him the best tricks, how to fetch, play dead. I'd even take him running on the beach. And we all know how well a midget works for picking up girls, they always want to pick them up and play with their stubby paws. Of course i would eventually get to busy to take care of my midget and one night, during a thunderstorm, he would run away through the fence i neglected to latch. Years later, every time i saw a midget rummaging through the trash i would think of him.
• 
  
  

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Tagged by the Queen

I'm a bit torn, i was tagged, and we all know how i feel about that, but i also have nothing to write. So i guess i can thank QOA for giving me something to write about.


7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Finish writing my book (there are many in the works, but one that must be finished).
2. See one of my scripts actually turn into a movie.
3. Have a job that i actually enjoy going to. (writer/gigalo?)
4. Be a hero. (cape optional)
5. Have one of my inventions/ideas become so widely used that nearly every household in America will have one.
6. Be truly happy. (very few people, if any, ever pull this one off.)
7. Have sex with a porn star (to have my skills rated by a professional.)


7 Things I Cannot Do

1. Understand why people have children
2. Let go of the past
3. Walk on water (the water shoes i designed were a failure)
4. Be spontaneous and impulsive
5. "Forgive and Forget"
6. Speak another language (straight D's in Spanish taught me that one)
7. Reach... (What? Every one tries it.)


7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex

1. Smarts
2. Silliness
3. Openness (physically and emotionally)
4. Sense of Humor
5. Well kept body (clean, groomed, maintained, etc.)
6. Ambitious (being a couch potato & wall flower all the time gets old)
7. Adventurous (willing to try new things *wink*)


7 Things That I Say Most Often

1. "um..."
2. "Technically"
3. "Monkey spunk"
4. "Gay sauce"
5. "Well fuck my uncle"
6. "Well yeah, if you want to use logic"
7. "Meh"


7 Do-able Hotties of the Blogger World (this was Celebrity Crushes, but there are some very do-able bloggers out there. No particular order.)

1. Mitzee
2. Jezebelle
3. Becca
4. Mel
5. QOA
6. The Blonde
7. _________ (this space is reserved for Shora, between her man and her Lesbiana there's no room for Exile. *sigh*)


7 (or more) People I Want To Do This
(um... Everyone who would do this has already done it... I think i was the last in the blogger universe to get tagged)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

How to Pump-Kin

I miss carving pumpkins, and this on-line crap just ain't cutt'n it.

Have your own Pumpkin Fun

This is how i wanted my pumpkin to come out...


I shoudl have followed the design better...

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Battle Of The Sexies

Ok, my friend Becca and i are going round and round about this.

She says that guys are bailing on the HNT thing buy showing pics that are just not sex (an arm, a foot, some money...)

Now i do agree that guys don't take the most creative pics, but let's face it guys can't really be sexy like women.

A woman can stare longingly out a window and drive a man wild. Hell, she can be a sleep and still be sexy (this is mainly cause she's not talking, hehehe.) If they're naked they have to do no effort at all.

But guys can't do this. For us it's like we're a Christmas tree with one ornament on it (sorry, it's true.) if a girl just shows half a nipple it's racy and sexy, but guys can't walk around with some sack poke'n out and get the same effect.

To illustrate this point further i offer a man and a woman "dressed" as super heroes. now you tell me who's sexy:

Subject A:


or Subject B:



Not only do i rest my case, but my spider senses are tingling...




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Ya See Timmy...

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

HNT Presents: The Money Shot

I thought i'd throw a late HNT post out there.

What could be sexier than a full money shot?



The funny this is that all that money is that fake Canadian money, it's only worth like ten bucks American. i felt like i was trying to buy Mediterranean Avenue.




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Mitzee come back!

We miss you, we wuv you, bring back the Ohh La La!





Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

All I Want For Christmas...

Ok, it's way to early to start thinking about christmas, but if i do get something, it would be this.

Because nothing says Christmas like Santa kicking the crap out of some aliens...


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Surprise

I like good surprises, it's not like i get them all that often (or ever really), but it's always nice. Like "oh wow, a dollar in my jeans!" or "you're drunk enough to do that? Ok!"

Recently i had one that was really cool, it was a second hand compliment.

A Second Hand Compliment, for those who do not know, is a compliment given to you indirectly. Often times this statement was never intended for your ears. (this makes it all the better, almost truer*).

The second hand compliment I'm referring to involved my cute lesbian friend Gina. What had happened was Gina and i were going out to a warehouse party that night and so i went to her apartment to pick her up. When i go there i met (ok pay attention) Gina's girlfriend, Amy, and her girlfriend. The have an open relationship on Amy's end of things. So i come over and i meet the girls, now Amy isn't down with guys (aside from the lesbian thing) because she fears that one will steal Gina. (Gina had been with guys, Amy has not. So Amy doesn't know how disappointing men can be).

After an awkward moment or two (Gina sat me in front of a video game so i wouldn't say anything dumb... Smart girl) Amy and her girl took off for their date. Needless to say Gina and i went out shortly after and partied the night away (until the puking, the shooting, the cops, and the lock down. Long story, it need a diff entry.)

About a week later Gina calls me up and tells me about a little conversation the girls had when i wasn't there. She told me that not only did Amy get a little jealous that i was "going out" with Gina, but Amy's Girlfriend thought i was really cute. She also told me that they accused her of hanging out with me to get Amy jealous so she'd dump her girlfriend.

(Oh that's it baby, stroke that ego.)

Good times, good times.

In case you're wondering, yes Gina is still with Amy, Amy is still with the Girlfriend, and no i have not had sex with Gina. (Everyone seems to over look the fact that she's a Lesbian, they only like penis when a woman is wearing one.)


*I like to make up words.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

For Clacky

Something fun to do with your weiner.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Close Out Prices, Everything Must Go

Drat.

I broke down and lowered the rent I'm asking for on my condo. I'm now renting for $600 + 1/2 utilities. I'm not thrilled about this, this means I'm essentially paying $800 a month for rent.

My rational comes from this simple math equation:
the original plan was to rent $700 for 12 months ($8400).

If i can't get someone in for a month i have to pay that amount. So that's $700 bucks out of my pocket for a month. Now, if we think of this in terms of year leases i will be getting $700 for 11 months (assuming i find someone to move in December 1st.) that's $7700 over the span of 12 months. (total loss, $700)

on the other hand if i can rent it out by Nov 1st at $600 that's $7200 over the span of 12 months. (total loss, $1200)

So essentially I'm looking at a loss of either $700 (for not renting the room on time) or $1200 (for renting now at a lower rate).

Unfortunately no one is interested in $700 a month for Lake Elsinore, so I'm considering the $700 as lost, so I'm figuring I'm loosing $500 deducting the $700. (please don't state the obvious, let my faulty logic be my security blankey.)


This also means i won't have enough to make any trips to Canada any time soon, which is unfortunate. i was looking forward to going north, so i could go south...




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Flashing My Hooters For HNT

It's a little late for a HNT post, but seeing as though everyone else is into it i thought i'd play along.


Don't you wish your hooters were this perky?




(FYI on miserably humid days girls that are normally paid to flirt usually arent' in the best of moods.)

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Desperate Time Call For Desperate Measures

Ok, I figured this room for rent ad would get a response or two:

I am renting out a room in the Elsinore area; the unit has a fully furnished
living room, washer/dryer in unit, and unlimited pool/Jacuzzi access. The room
is 11 by 13, vaulted ceilings, huge mirrored closet, and "private bathroom."

I'm a straight male, 25 years old. I have no prejudices toward different
lifestyles (gay, lesbian, bi, or Canadian) so long as the rent is on time and
there's no drama there's no problems. I'm willing to take an outside smoker and
caged animals (with in reason) are ok. The unit is min. From the I-15 and quiet.

If you're a clean reliable person please reply.

i figured I'd find some one that was like a Californian version of Clacky and that might be acceptable...

this is the response I got:

I'm a pretty normal gay guy. I like watching gang bang movies in the
living room though...

*slaps hand to forehead*

(Did anyone else know that Jason was moving to California?)

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

The Pumpkin Poem

Halloween Warmth
Originally uploaded by distef68.

I just can’t think of a reason,
not to enjoy the Halloween season.

Personally, I take pleasure in all the funk’n,
When it comes to carving the pumpkin.

There's no way one could be bored,
when they're playing with their gourd.

First you start with a pumpkin so special,
One that would appreciate a Halloween facial.

Next take off it’s top and get it to open wide,
Then push your hands deep inside.

If you go too fast it might start dripping,
So use your other hand to keep it from tipping.

This is messy work, if you get the gist,
But if you do it right you’ll be in past your wrist.

Next you need to think about the eyes,
Because no matter what they say it is about the size.

But don’t take to long, cause you gotta go south,
The tricky part is working the mouth.

Some find it easier to work from underneath,
But for the love of god MIND THOSE TEETH.

Now you can stuff it with your candle,
Give it the biggest one it can handle.

If you’ve done everything that you’ve read,
You should have gotten some great pumpkin head.

System On-line

You've probably been wondering what I've been doing,
especially after a post full of boo-whoing,
While I was gone this is what I've done
Moving moving moving, (this ain't no fun).
I've been unpacking, repairing, and fix'n up the pad,
of course there was installation of the microwave with my dad.
something else I've been doing and it's a sight.
here's the Bimbo I Was Eating The Other Night:


(this bread is so ghetto...)


Egads this has sucked lately, sorry about the poor attendance, but seeing as though my "head full of bad wires" finally shorted out, I figure we can let this one slide.

The good news and fun with the condo (yes, I bought a condo for those just tuning in) was out weighted by a nice kick in the chops from the ex. I won't go into detail (mainly because I don't want to vomit on my laptop) but let's just say that all the pain and anguish I've gone through was completely meaning less, and somehow hurts way more. So much so that something broke and I can't seem to figure out how it is I feel. It's like I've had a hard drive crash and I'm rebooting. (yes, nerds translate emotions into computer things.)

In any case I have been trying to write lately, but I think my writing is a bit tainted (you'll see in a post to come).

I also have a big problem I have to face, November first is rolling in and I have no roommate. No roommate means no money, no money means more bimbo bread. Yeah... Anyone looking for a place in Lake Elsinore California? Here's the skinny:

Rent: $700 + ½ Utilities
Deposit: $700

Features
o Gas Stove/Oven
o Dishwasher
o Microwave
o Gas Water heater
o Gated Community
o Garage & Carport
o 2nd Floor (Private & Safe)
o Washer/Dryer in unit
o Patio
o Minutes from the I-15
o Pool and Jacuzzi
o Large Mirrored Closet
o Close to the lake
o 2 bathrooms
o Vaulted Ceiling
o Furnished Living room
o The room is 11ft by 13ft

I’m looking for someone who is
o Financially sound
o Single
o Courteous
o Responsible
o Respectful of boundaries
o No Cats/Dogs/Children
o Drug free
o Friendly


ShoulI i throw on the list that they need tactuallyly existI'veve posted on Craig's List, I've posted on roomates.com, and I've Posted all over River Side Community College. Ugh... Maybe I should make it "Drugs Optional",I(i mean, dealers make good money, right?)

I also still need to bring Herb home. He's at my parents house, and let's just say that seven feet of snake does not want to be in four feet of tank.


Side Story:
The woman who was giving me my walk through on my condo was kinda cute looking, so I flirted with her I figured she was in her late thirties, turns out she was was closer to 50.
(That's not so bad right?)

She told my mom...

Let me repeat, she told my mom.
(Real Estatete agents have nothing better to talk about?)

Let me elaborate... SHE TOLD MY MOM IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY. um, ok I jokingly flirted with her, but still, who tells on you to your mom I mean, let's assume we made plans to "knock her cobwebs loose" why would you ever tell someone's mom? (no I didn't set up dusty love with her I was just screwing around.)

My family has not stopped giving me shit for this.

My dad said "well son, any port in a storm..."



"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...)
Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com