Go Big, Or Go Home

147

tonight i bowled a 147,
this is a bad thing

see, 147 is decent if you're playing in a situation where the score doesn't matter and everyone is there to have a good time, but not in my family.

in my family it's always a competition, you have to prove your self. when it comes to bowling it's not even a matter of how good you do, it's a matter of who you're better than; and right now I'm the worst. (my brother bowled 167, my mom bowled a one 156 or something)

now, keep in mind that both my mom and i are bowling injured (we're still sore from softball), but even on a good day i can't break 150.

the thing about this is that I'm actually quite ashamed of my score. i mean, here i am with my own ball (btw, can i still call it Ichabod seeing as though it was replaced with an identical ball), my own shoes, and a shoe brush, yet i have such a pathetic score. I'm embarrassed to go bowling with my friends

it sucks, to say the least.

now, I'm not expecting to be the best. with the amount of bowling i do, it would be silly to think such things. but i need to break 160.

but i did come close at one point, i got two strikes in a row, but my third try i left one pin standing keeping me from a Turkey. (FYI, a turkey is when you get three strikes in a row)

one thing that i do know is this, i need to get better one way or another. my dad has offered to coach me, but i can't have him making fun of me or laughing at me (which he does) because not only will i not learn, but I'll get even more frustrated.

I'm not trying to be the best, I just want to give them a good run for their money.






Exile

Haiku Fridays

I'm so excited
Sprinkles comes home tomorrow
yay "I-missed-you-sex"

The proshop came through
Ichabod's Resurrection
(hehe, erection)

Haiku's can be fun
but sometimes they don't make sense
refrigerator

exile

(thanks for the last one Astra!)

I Think I'm Getting Screwed, And Not In The Good Way

For those of you not in the know, I'm broke.
I'm damn broke.

I'm so broke, if someone robbed me they'd just be practicing.
(thanks for letting me steal that one Chris Tucker)

Over the past few months I've been working after work for my Chiropractor putting fliers on cars in parking lots. (yes, I'm the guy you all hate.) it's tough and pretty hard on the body, but really, it's not all that bad. I'm being paid Forty bucks per ream of fliers (each flier is a full sheet of paper and there are 500 in a ream). while it seems like a lot i can get nearly a ream an hour done. of course, "running" two hours a night has the benefit of slimming off those "gamer" pounds. hehehe

For months the system has been working pretty well, but this last month seems to be showing a snag in the system in two departments:

A. she's been falling behind in the payments. when we started i was being paid every time i got the fliers. then, i was being paid after i was done passing them out. lately, she "hasn't had the money" to pay me, and she's been getting backed up on her payments.
example: for the month of April i passed out $415 worth of fliers. i kept calling and asking for the money and every time i went in she always "forgot." when i was finally told she had money for me i picked it up and there was only $140 in the envelope. today i picked up three more reams and i got an envelope with $80 in it... so now she owes me $195 plus what she owes me for the reams I've picked up over the last two weeks. (I'm worries she's doing it so I'll lose track and forget how much she owes me.)

B. the week before last i had to return a ream of fliers because i miss judged how long I'd have to work on Sunday at my day job (sometimes i have to work my day job one the weekend, yes my life sucks.) today i picked up three reams of fliers from her office assistant she "relayed" a message to me, she said "well, if you're going to return fliers, it's going to come out of your pocket." i asked her how much is supposed to come out of my pocket and she implied that it would be $40.
This simply will not do, see, with that formula if i get two reams of fliers and i can only pass out one ream, then i will have passed out a ream of paper for nothing.

unfortuantely passing out fliers does have it's down side aside from the aforementioned woes.
1. I'm only charging for passing out the fliers, and in theory it should only take me an hour per ream, but if i can't get a ream done in time (due to lack of cars or time), then it could take me two or more hours to pass out a single ream.
2. security doesn't like me, and those little golf carts are fast. once security hassles me i have to leave the lot, and the time it takes to stop, get in my truck, and move on to another lot make passing out a ream take even longer (see above.)
3. some people are psychotic, I've had two people try and start fights with me because i was putting fliers on cars.
4. there is shit everywhere in parking lots (like those concrete tire stopper thingies) that's a twisted ankle for sure. (and i won't even go into how many chips nails I've earned.)
5. we've been over farming these areas pretty badly, often hitting the same lot twice a week. which means I'm crossing that line from from irritant to nuisance, and while an irritant can be ignored, nuisances are... dealt with. (i can barely afford my mortgage, think i can afford bail?)


in the end, it all comes down to survival.
these are thing things that i do to survive (and trust me, I've done a lot worse)


and for those of you wondering why I'm sticking with this instead of getting an official night job, well, let's just say i want to keep my nights free...


Exile

Mutha F'n Memorial

Memorial Day Weekend, the break in the months of working vacation free. in fact, for many of us this weekend if the first "vacation" we've had since Christmas.

going that long without time off can get to you...

(can you tell?)

This weekend was also the weekend of the "Annual" Memorial-Day Family Softball Game. now, some of you might be wondering why annual is in quotes, well that's because we've only done this one, two years ago.

two years ago we played a game on memorial day (i struck out twice) and it was such a "together" moment that we decided we should do it again. of course, that was the same year we found out that my dad had the brain tumour.

because my dad's been in recuperation we put off any talk about the game, but his pride has been pushing him towards it. he refused to let his temporary loss of coordination become permanent because "i have to kick my son's ass at softball."

but this Sunday we all headed out to the field and had a blast with only one serious injury (my cousin's husband threw his back out). but a BBQ/Texas Hold'em/Drink'n Party seemed to clear everything up.

of course now, a day later, everyone is sore as hell. (i loaned the injured cousin-in-law my back massaging chair thing, so he can actually walk again.)

and with that, i close up the post, because i think i need a good night sleep... and some aspirin.


Happy Memorial Day weekend everybody



Exile

HNW- Half nekk'ed wetness

Huh, well this is new. Less than a week ago it was 120 degrees, today, It's full on down pour. It's never rained in may that i recall, let alone a full blown flood...

Does any one know how to build an ark?


**Update**

when i got home this is what i found.

this is my street, or should i say, this is my river:


the street is full of mud from the construction site down the road

(that shit is about six inches deep)

also, on my drive home there were piles of hail along the side of the road. that's right, piles...

unfortunately i didn't see much near my condo except this little patch



HHNT

Exile

My Balls Are Aching

Huh... well, that was fun...

You know who is Ichabod, right?
(my handy-dandy, spooky-kooky bowling ball)

yeah...

well, he's not doing so good
(yes, I'm aware he's a skull, but the undead can get sick too)

the first time i bowled was cool, he rolled, he crashed, he did what had to be done.
but after i bowled i noticed something next to the finger hole... a tiny little crack. i showed it to the guy at the pro shop who drilled the ball. he said "oh, little cracks happen, it's nothing."

The second time i bowled the crack became more pronounced, the shop was closed, and i remember what the guy said. so i ignored it again.

today i decided to sneak into the alley and bowl a few games before i got home.with three frames left of my second game i decided to check the crack... it was now damn near two inches spanning nearly from the index to the thumb.

So what happens now? well, i left Ichabod with the guys at the Pro-shop to which they told me three things that they're going to do.
1. they'll contact the vendor and replace the ball, I'll get it replaced and drilled for free.
2. the vendor won't take it back, i bowl with it till it shatters and they'll give me a discount on a new ball
3. they'll tell me to go fuck my self


Oh well, i guess things could be worse


that guy's ball will never be the same


Exile

For The Dark Little Monster In Us All (Have Fun Little Guy)

I was going to write something profound about the intrinsic nature of love and human nature... but i think this video speaks for it's self, hehehe



i absolutely love this song...
and I'm pretty fond of the girl that sent it to me too


Exile

Why is it so ducking hot?

It's three thirty and this is how got it is in my truck!

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I have never been so unhappy eating something before. It says "vanilla crisp" but it tastes like "vanilla newspaper" hydrated with armpit sweat... Needless to say i'm done eating

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Haiku Fridays

The Bagel Bumpers
and knob gobblers can rejoice
Party in We-Ho!*

Supreme court lifts ban
on gay marriage in Cali
A four-to-three vote

Gays get equal rights
And the Christians get pissed off
KY sales go up

*"We-Ho" is the Gay/slang term for West Hollywood, Southern California's
version of San Francisco

exile

HNH- Half Nekk'ed Head

Well, Friday was my birthday (yay!), and at the ripe old age of 28 there was one thing i wanted more than anything, i wanted to get head.

and on May Ninth, 2008, Exile got Head!

That's right, i had been talking about it for a while, hinting wherever i could...

And so while i don't a picture of me getting head, i do have a picture of me in my after glow...



That's right, i finally got my Skull Bowling Ball!

OMG, i fucking love this thing, it's awesome. and it looks so cool when it rolls down the lane too. my brother tried bowling with it at all he could say was "as it spun down there, every time it looked at me it kept saying "die, die, die."

I named him: Ichabod


While he does have his own name i had them engrave my name on him, it only seemed right.


Spooky HNT everyone


don't be scared of my balls
Exile

Don't Listen To Professionals, They Don't Know What They're Talking About

My arm is complete...
My addiction is fed...

Exile Industries is back on-line and fully operational!
(well, as operational as it can be.)

after way too frigg'n long, i finally have the Internet set up at home again. (i missed you RedTube!)

So check this shizzle out:
-the cable was to be installed Saturday (between the hours of 9am and 12pm.)
-I woke up at promptly nine and promptly remembered i was drinking the night before and promptly fell back to sleep.
-10:00am i get a call that they're at the gate, i tell them to wait with a mouth full of hangover sludge
-i headed down and found one guy trying to climb over the gate, but it wasn't going very well.
-they kept forgetting their stuff

when it came to "question time" the guy got really dismissive with me like i was a tech noob. these were the bone's of contention
1. he kept referring to the "Ethernet cable" as a "Cat 9 cable" i knew they were one in the same but when he said I'd have to buy one (while he was holding one in his hand) my hangover made me doubt my self.
2.he asked if the cable was running through my closet, i showed him where it was. then asked if he was going to need to knock any holes in my walls like the last guy did and he scoffed like i was the village idiot.
3. they rigged up the router by just laying it and the cables all over the TV in my room (it looked like crap).
4. i asked him if i could use my old wireless router, he told me "no way, Verizon routers are too advanced". i ask if he was sure, the set up was the same, and he basically told me that i don't' know what I'm talking about and that i should go out and buy a new one. i tried to debate it, saying that the router has the proper connections and all that. he gave me the "do what ever you want" look and gave me my receipt.

that is one of my biggest pet peeves when someone treats me like i don't' know what I'm doing...


So i decided to set up the router with my router my way...


oh, wait, what's this?

let's go top to bottom...
power light- on
either net (Cat 9) Input- on
Internet connection status- ON MOTHER FUCKER!

(the light at the bottom is for the wifi signal, but that's always on if the router is working, which it does even without Internet. so I've been able to print wirelessly even without the Internet... but i digress).

ON, the Internet is running through their router, through mine, and working like a a fucking dream.

that's right, don't you try and out nerd me, or I'll shove that CAT 9 right up your Ethernet Port, bitch.



Exile

Haiku Fridays

<<cake.jpg>>
Time to party down
Happy birthday May Babies
Especially me!

today in eighty
Baby exile was born
the world rejoiced

two years till thirty
from young stud to old pervert
"Where's my Viagra?"

Exile

Watch my bags one of the have your balls in them

Husband parking area- every mall has one of these places where wives and girlfriends leave These poor Bastards to sit and wait. They try on shoes while these guys sit and wait... Their souls slowly eroding.

Ladies, don't force your guy to sit here, atleast, not with out a beer.

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Haiku Fridays

last week I announced
The Internet's Return in May
After my Birthday

Lots of May birthdays
"three months forward, nine months back..."
what's up with August?

what's with all the sex?
Nothing special in august,
'sept Mom's Birthday... Gross!

exile

Hnb- half Nekk'ed brownie

Most women know that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. (especially compared to using a say and a rib-spreader).

But what a lot of women don't realize is you don't have to be a great chef, you just have to out cook his mother. Lucky for sprinkles my mom never cooked, so she totally won some extra points with a meatloaf And brownie combo.

Mmmm... so moist and tasty... And the food was good too!

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