System Down

I don't think I want to do this any more.

I originally created this thing as a place to post articles I planned on writing for magazines. it was also supposed to be a place where I would post short stories and gather the honest opinions of strangers.

It served neither propose.

Then I intended it to be a place where I could write out my thoughts so I could see if what ran through my head was interesting.

After that it became "at least I'm writing..."

yeah... This thing as become nothing more than post after post of tripe.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do. Either I'll delete this blog, completely change it, or just admit that it's just going to stay the piece of crap that it is.

regardless, I know that this blog is a failure, much like it's author.





Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Trying

I'm trying not to get upset right now,
I'm trying not to lose it.

I'm so fucking pissed off right now,
I'm so close to letting go.

I don't even know how to feel,
Betrayed, angry, hurt?

I want someone to get in my way so I can put my fist right through them
I want to take out all my rage on the person who's fault this all is.

I hate the responsible party for all of this,
I want to hold them accountable.

I want to destroy them for what they've done,
but it's not easy to Self-destruct.

(Today became a very bad day.)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

A Question For The Ladies

Ok, let's say there's a guy who's been flirting with you once or twice a week for the better part of three years. He's shown you that he likes you, but has not directly asked you out.

Then one day he does acctually ask, but, in his usual way, he completely trips over his delivery and resorts to something on par with passing notes in class.

You can tell this guy likes you and you like him too, but he's made a complete fool out of himself. would you still go out with him?

(Think of the "high school" movies with the kid who trips over his own feet when he tries to ask out the hotl cheerleader.")


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Albertson's Adventures

I always enjoyed being nocturnal. There's something interesting going on.

Last night as I finally got out of my office around 11 pm I remembered that I had to pick up a dust pan (for herb's tank). So I stopped at the local 24 hour Albertson's for said dust pan.

On the way in I walked across a little group of skaters milling about the front of the store (3 skaters and a ramp tramp to be precise).
Skater 1: Dude, check it out. (he points to a padlocked freezer)
skater 2: What?
Skater 1: It's dry ice man, this stuff is awesome.
skater 2: we should totally get some
skater 3: I'll put some in my mouth, you dare me?
Skater 1: I know how to make a bomb with it (he was totally lying, fyi).
skater 3: yeah, but look, you gotta be 18 to buy it
skater 1: (to skater 2) wait a second, dude, you're totally 18!

(the ramp tramp never said a word, just kept staring all "doe-eyed" at her skater boy, awwww...)

After I find my dust pan I walk up to the register (of course I pick the register with the cute checker, why not?). As I reach into my pocket I remember that I have a gaping hole and it may be in my best interest to buy a sewing kit.

naturally I ask the checker where the kits are and she looks at me like I asked which isle they keep the dead babies in. Well with me being the way I am I begin to panamime sewing while trying to explain that I intend to actually sew something. (I'm Italian, I talk with my hands, so?)

after a drawn out search for the illusive isle 11 (why can't they have straight isles, no, they have to merge and split, wtf?) I return to the cute checker with my handy dandy sewing kit.

checker: oh good, you found it
exile: yeah, I'm feeling very domestic tonight.
checker: so, you know how to sew?
exile: meh, I figure a guy should know how to sew up a hole in his own pocket.
checker: (scans the dust pan) and doing a little cleaning?
exile: you know I love nothing better than cleaning my apartment after a long day at work.
checker: (gives a bashful smile) work all day, clean all night...
exile: no rest for the wicked
checker: (hands over change) thanks for coming by
exile: thanks for having me
checker: (blushes and turns to next customer)



Moral of the story: Man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Contrast

Shannon Recline 3
Originally uploaded by Protagonist.

We live in moments of transition, passing between light and dark.

There are many times when our best judgment leaves us flat, and others when we survive through no fault of our own.

We all want to remain in the light; we all want to remain pure. But the truth of life is that this is impossible, because while we may not be contaminated, we are not pure.

We all walk in a world warmth and cold, comfort and solitude. At times we can only see the one while we’re in the other.

We must learn to look over our shoulder from time to time to remember there is a contrast.

Exhaustion

Gracie
Originally uploaded by Willyjeen.

I don't know quite what it is lately, but I’m tired.

I seem to be pretty much tired of everything in everyway.

It’s like as if I’ve just run out of gas, like I need a refill.
I need to feel that zest for life that, that drive to do things and build stuff.
In this current state motivation and creativity have given way to apathy and lethargy.

I think it’s a combination of many things, knowing where things are now, and knowing where things are going. Essentially it’s like one of those nights where you’re out till 5am and you’re feeling fine, until you realize the time, and then suddenly shut down.

Exhaustion is far beyond that of a physical ailment, but emotional as well. Often times we burn up so much energy on our introspection that we find a lack of energy for anything else.

I need more than sleep to feel rested,
I need more than caffeine to feel awake.

(I suppose working 10am till 9pm isn’t helping either, hehehe).

So Much Fun

I don't know what else to say on this one...

Falling Bush


Thanks Viv for finding this.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

I Want To Go See...

Before anyone ruins the movie by telling me everything about it.

I have the worst luck in that regard, everyone likes to tell me everything about a movie I want to see before I see it.

Do people really belive they're doing anyone a service by giving away the ending of a movie?


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

dunk of may ass and posting

y3eah, i definately got my clock cleaned at the texas hold'em tournament. yeah, guess if i lost my 2o bucks?

doesn't matter, i made everyone else lose their money. i rode 20 bucks for over 4 hours. i kick ass.

i rock.

btw, next time someone tells me "all in" i still have the right to fold. yeah, gotta remember that.

i'm a sucker, patrone rocks, and dude, i talked some mad shit. it's funny, i really don't give a shit about poker, but i'll be good god-damn'ed if i don't kick ass at talk'n smack.

so, if you kids are wondering abo0tu the status of my condo, i've signed the five billion form, i dropped the cash, and i own my own home. here's the floor plan. (does anyone desire my unit? it's quite big...)


man am is sauced. it's all good though. i'm watching daria and about to peruse the finest porn the internet has to offer. could i be talking about steak and cheese.com? of fuck yeah i am. btw, kudos to "... and that's why god hates kittens" for the Mr. Hands vid. nothing like seeing a guy take it like a champ from a horse to brighten up your day.

ugh, i have a helth issue now. i woke this moring with a bit of an ache in my jaw. now i seem to not be able to close my teeth together, chew or even drink. (who am i kidding abotu the drinking, hehehe) i swear, between my jaw and my finger... let's jus tsay that i have the same ailments of the modern male prostitute without the money.

...

why does it always turn to male prostitution? am i loooking to pay rent? hehehe...
(i shall cry now)

btw, this is for you, i'm sorry...
(if you're wondering why i've been in such a foul mood lately, let's just say instrospection is bad.)

(does anyone ever click on my links?)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Just For A Laugh

I have nothing of substance to post, so here's a funny music video!: Tarzan & Jane

(I need to get me my own Jane... and the Tarzan hair.)


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

In Honor Of Half Nekked Thursday...

Seeing as though it's HNT I thought I'd give you all a treat.





So here's a picture of a nice sopping wet pussy.


Enjoy.








Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

(If you know you're military lingo then you get the meaning behind the title)

So i've been thinking (this is always dangerous) that i talk a lot about sex, but dont' write about it nearly enough (if you think i'm bad on here you have no idea.) I've realized that by not singing the praises of intercourse that i have offended the Gods Of Sexual Gratification. Thus they have frowned upon me and my desire to shoot DNA at the oposite sex of my species.


To that end i offer upon the gods the gifts of links:

First i give the gift of music. two videos chocked full of so many enuendos that it would make Dr. Ruth blush (i won't mention what parts of her would be blushing...) Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo and Bad Touch. (cheeky monkeys)

Next i give the gift of erotic exploration via blogs. I offer on to the gods Viviane's Sex Carnival , a veritable cornocopia of sex and One Life, Take Two (sex is like swimming, it's safer in groups.)

Finally, I utter unto the gods the sacred catch phrase "money can't buy love, but you can rent it." May the gods be please with this offering of scantly clad women willing to pleasure themselves on cam per your request for a slight fee.


I say on to thee, ye gods of old, take pity upon this weary soul.


*This plea to the gods was brought you by Dicken's brand Cider. Why get a soda when you can get your Dicken's Cider.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Compassion In The Arms Of Another

Shannon Laura 1
Originally uploaded by Protagonist.

Often times we feel as if life it’s self is overwhelming us, pulling us deeper into the waters of despair leaving us far to exhausted to tread water. Most of the time was can only feel the weights tied to our ankles as we struggle to keep our heads above water.

Work, School, Family, Bills, relationships...

Stress, Lethargy, Apathy, Obligations, Abandonment...

In these times we often look to solitude for comfort, looking for a moment of quite to gather our thoughts. But that quiet usually never comes, our own thoughts are filling the silence with too much noise. Trapped in a maelstrom of contemplation we cannot stop the churning of our own minds. These thoughts are voiced by doubt and remorse.

“I feel like I have nothing to give.”

“I feel like I get nothing.”

But there is safe harbor from this sea of exhaustion, and it comes not just from the embrace of a lover, but that of a friend. Someone who will wrap their arms around you, tightly, anchoring you in one spot.

As they squeeze you naturally self-resist, you no time for this.

They squeeze harder.

You pretend it’s working, hopefully this will make them let you go.

They keep squeezing.

Finally you feel it start to let go, all of it. You are no longer holding up the weight of the world, you are simply being held.

While this lasts for only a moment you feel refreshed. The compassion of another, of a true friend has rejuvenated you.

We all need to be reminded that someone cares; we all need someone to occasionally crush the voices of doubt and remorse that dwell within us.





Of course, it’s even better to do it when you’re naked!

A Stolen Quote

A quote from Babylon 5 for Mitzee.

"You know, before I got married, Emily used to come by sometimes and help me clean out my apartment. Well, I asked her, 'How come you're so eager to help clean up my place when your place is just as bad?' She said, 'Because cleaning up your place helps me to forget what a mess I've made of mine. And — when I sweep my floor, all I've done is sweep my floor. But, when I help you clean up your place, I am helping you.'" - Reverend Will Dexter to Captain John Sheridan.

I'm there when ya need me kiddo, good luck.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com


PS Yes,I'mm a Babylon 5 nerd.

23.81% Jealous!

I've often thought of jealousy as a combination of passion and insecurity.

I've never really given it much thought because the few relationships I've actually been in were ones where I had no jealousy. But at the same time I can feel the testosterone kick in and make me want to "fight for my woman."

Fortunately I'm quite secure (and terrific in bed) so I've never worried that any one I've been with would have cheated on me.

In any case I thought I'd leave this

Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

This Is How I Date

The best part about having a friend like Mitzee is that not only does she not give up on you, but she'll kick your ass if you give up on your self.

She has a knack for kicking ass.

Mitz convinced me that I can't give up, I guess I just need a swift kick in the ass by a sexy chick. (That's a fetish in some places, ya know. We could make some money...)

So without further delay I leave you a video of me dating (sorta). And hell yeah there's a midget in it!


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

The Dead Aren't The Only Ones That Are Stiff

I dunno what it is but I really dig on this music video.

I think it has to do with the whole "Goth fetish," but I like it.
The song it's self isn't half bad either.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Drunk With Jenna

I'm drunk with Jenna:


So what to write about?

Sell, after a couple pitchers of heffeweiser Jenna is still hungry and I'm nice and toasted.

Jenna is offering me her costco blankey, and while it is a nice blankey, I think I would devirginize the down...

She tells me I'm not driving home, she is silly like that. I am a kung-fu master, I will drive when I'm ready, not before.

As Jenna slurps down her (I know where where you're going with this) cereal she tells me about how her cereal is 40% of your daily fiber. So not only does she have 3 feet of extra intestine she also plugs her poor toilet (no I know).

We met her neighbors and they're girls. Needless to say I ruined that in seconds. I'm cool like that, hehehe.

Jenna is jabbering on about how her "pee sack" is lined with transitional epithelium (the are cells that change shape, dumb ass!) this is the only place in the body that contains this. Something about holding more, than decreasing.

Oh, Jenna got laid last night, and she came 3 times. She's quite proud of this, but her bed spread will never be the same. But she didn't get the stinky pinky. She has requested that I do not post this. "but maybe" she said, in a dunken state. "if I can correct your English, I'm not that drunk"

She's like that.

And she burps a lot. (that's another story)

Jenna wants me to note that not only is English spelled with a capital E, but she's been correcting my spelling this whole time. (she keeps editing me, yargh!)

Jenna = buzz kill.

"hey" she slurred "at least I can still keep on top of kicking your ass" then she giggled.

Jenna says that this is why she does not have a blog, because it's written down for postaritefd. She says that she could write about her farts, and her sex life. She says the sex life is good...

I have no comment.

"fuck you" stated Exile. "I'm drunk, bitch"

Now Jenna is taking control. I apologize for the inconvenience...



God damn it - he cannot spell she*t! Posterity spelled with an e, and apologize with one p and not double. And props to friggin' Exile for spelling God damn it correctly,3 words yes. Anyway, this keypad is not to what I am used and feel like a retard - thus, I must don my pajamas. Nighty-night y'all - Jenna Blogs are strange to me . . . Like a whole alternative thing to me - maybe I am too mainstream?! Ha ha- I am strange enough as it is & it has taken me about 5 minutes to type this correctly.



Uh huh, and she teases me...

Night my crack'as!




Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

No Really Does Mean No

Any one who read Where The Red Fern Grows in school may remember the way the Billy caught his first raccoon. (Pay attention PSB). What he had done was bore a hole into an old log by the river bank, then drove nails into the sides of the log making barbs in the hole. For bait he left a shiny piece of tin at the bottom. Sure enough the raccoon reached into the hole and the nail sunk into his little raccoon arm.

"A wonderful story, but what does this have to do with rape prevention," you ask?

excellent question.

I guess a woman in South Africa realized that rapists and raccoons have not only the same moral fiber, but are also just as easily trapped.

That's right it's the Anti-rape (female) condom. Designed like a regular female condom this thing just chills in the "cha-cha" and waits. If a perpetrator of this most heinous of crimes decides to attack a well equipped woman he's in for some bad news bears. Ya see, the rapex doesn't scratch, doesn't cut, but digs in with spiny barbs of doom. They are embedded so well that it must be surgically removed.

While the thought of having something like that embedded in my wang is quite the skin crawling idea I'm personally all for it. They mention that this may make the man violent to find that he's trapped by the Venus-penis-trap, but all things considering a woman can get over a punch better than rape. Besides, I don't' think too many guys can do much fighting with his "Mr Happy" trapped in the "iron maiden."

I personally endorse this concept, but ladies, for the love of god, don't forget it's in there!

For the full story click here, oh, and it has a slide show on the article as well.


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com

Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain

I am the great and powerful OZ!

Well, I'm not really that great...
and I don't have much power
and I don't' have much to do with oz either.

Anyways, after numerous requests I have decided to reveal unto the world what I really look like.


Many of you may already imagine me looking like this (based on my writing):




Or even like this:




But actually this is me. You can see what I look like in a monkey suit with a monkey (it's fun to say monkey):




I'm also sure many of the ladies out there (and clacky) were wondering if in any of these pictures if they'd see if I'm "well hung" then you're in luck:




And finally I leave you with my personal contribution to HNT. This is why you don't leave me to my own devices when I'm bored. Needless to say the life guard was unhappy with my art:



I feel so dirty now...


Exile

Original_exile@hotmail.com