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Exile Industries: Department of Redundancy Department

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Ground Was Rumble'n Like Momma's Belly At Da Buffet

"Preliminary information from the U.S. Geological Survey estimated the quake
at magnitude 5.8, centered 29 miles east-southeast of downtown Los Angeles
near Chino Hills in San Bernardino County... The quake struck at 11:42 a.m.
PDT."
<<quake map.jpg>>
woooo whoooo! rock and roll. being a cali-boy I've gotten used to
earthquakes. all things considering, if nothing winds up getting destroyed
they're actually pretty fun.

this earthquake offered something I haven't had in a while, multiple reports
from people all over the area. I guess it affected everyone differently.
-For me in Temecula (45 min south of the epicenter), the quake was a gentle
rolling.
-For my dad in corona (25 min south of the epicenter), it was a sharp bang.
(he was driving and thought someone rear-ended him.)
-For Sprinkles in Long Beach (30-35 min north of the epicenter), I was a
sharp drop with a lot of rolling.


yup, that was fun... now, back to not working.


exile

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Who Are You Calling A Whore?


This is Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton is often thought of as a moronic, modern-day Marie Antoinette, who's popularity has spread faster than her legs.

The Dark Side Of Paris

Modeling, movies (House Of Wax counts as a movie), parties, guest appearances, television, and so on. but of all the things she's done, the most notable (and notorious) was the sex tape: One Night IN Paris (NSFW). it was in that sex tape her slut reputation was exacerbated beyond all reason and completely surpassed Pam and her honeymoon.



Here's one that might be a shocker for you, but i had not seen the infamous video (NSFW). until the other night. in all honesty, i really had no interest in seeing is (seeing as though i don't find her all that hot) but when you're trolling the internet for free porn you don't get picky.



needless to say i watched Paris get her burger patties pounded. As far as armature porn goes it was "alright." (they did some fun stuff, but nothing phenomenal).

but then there was something toward the very end of the video that kinda stuck with me. while she was pumping him like, well, like someone who really enjoys sucking cock.

(this is at the end of the video)

The Guy-*moronic laugh* how did i get to be so lucky? today's my lucky day?
Paris- *removes wang from mouth* cause you're hot... *then, in a sweet, nearly cooing voice* because you're my boyfriend.
That's it, rub your mouse on my nipples... that's hot.

this lead to think about the whole thing with her sex tape. Sure, she was being a slut in the tape, but she was being her boyfriend's slut, and really, there's nothing wrong with that. think about it, when you're with the person you love (and you get over that shy stage) think about all the kinky and naughty things you've done. come one, you know what I'm talking about...
what's on that memory card you keep in the drawer by the bed?
why do you get nervous when other people use your cell phone.?
and of course, there's that folder you have hidden away in a deep dark corner of your hard drive...

oh yes, we've all been the slut, haven't we?


try watching the video (we'll assume it's for the first time), but when you do, forget about your preconceived notions and keep this thought in mind: "how would i feel if someone broke in and stole the tape i made with my partner and mass-distributed it via tape, DVD, and webs sites that jackass bloggers use to devote entire posts to."

as hard as it may be (and it is hard, hehehe), you have to see that while she may be rich and presumably stuck up, she's also a victim in this, having her privacy violated. after all, even if someone chooses to pose nude, what they do in the privacy of their own hotel is their business. every person (even "other HNT" participants) deserve the basic rights to privacy.

but hey, I'm not here to make a saint out of a sinner




Exile

Friday, July 25, 2008

Haiku Fridays

been nine months without
finally found a roommate
but there's a problem...

Condo below me
water leak from my bathroom
needs major repairs

Um, Dear Universe,
Please stop fucking me over.
Can't take much more, thanks.




Haiku Fridays

exile

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Spare Some Change

I've been dragging ass at work all morning, the only solution, a can of
Monster.

unfortunately all I had on me is a twenty dollar bill, so I started asking
around for change for the vending machine.

Exile- hey Wilbert, can you break a twenty?
Wilbert- no
Exile- What about you Doug? can you break a twenty.
Doug- Sorry many, I get paid in checks.
Exile- man, how is it that no one here has any cash.
Doug- well, your problem is that you're asking a couple of married men for
change.
Exile- so?
Doug- well, don't you know? married men aren't allowed to carry money. in
order for us to have any cash on us we have to get the ok from our wives
first.
Exile- I see
Doug- if you want change for a twenty you need to ask two weeks in advance,
that way we can get clearance from our wives to have money to walk around
with... I think there's a form too.
Exile- and forget about going through her purse for it.
Doug- I don't touch the purse.
Exile- sure you do, it's right after she says "hold this, I want to try
something on."
Doug- *puts his head down in shame* that's pretty much it.


Exile

Saturday, July 19, 2008

A Message To Every Woman Out There Who Viciously Insults The Body She Has



learn from her mistakes


Exile

Something Horrible Is About to Happen...


And Horrible is definitely a good thing.

Sprinkles turning me on to this earlier this week and it's become one of those "you so have to watch this" things with me. I've been telling everyone about it too, it's hi-larious!

the basic plot to the story is this: Dr. Horrible is a love sick aspiring super villain complete with arch Nemeses, Captain Hammer, a super powered Jock. Dr. Horrible's two driving forces are to join the Evil League Of Evil and to win the woman of his dreams (and who hasn't been there, right?)

Now, i have to admit, i empathise with Dr. Horrible. When you watch the first song in Act One you'll get what I'm talking about, just imagine Exile in Goggles...

and, well, you get the idea.

This is something you must check out (see, I'm telling everyone!) the official website is http://www.drhorrible.com/. FYI the vids will only be on the the regular site until sunday night at midnight. after that you'll have to either buy the DVD's, download it on iTunes, or watch bootleg copies on the internet (like everyone else).

i was going to post the vids from Youtube, but the sound is off by half a second and it was driving me insane, so you'll have to settle for just the trailer (i can't do all the work in this relationship, now can i?)



Are You Ready For Something Horrible?*



(*this is not the official tag line, but i thought it was cool)



Exile

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Haiku Fridays

Dad's Chemo went well
and no adverse side effects
(such a big relief)

Still doing fliers
Doctor's staff wants to do them
but I need money!

weekend to do list:
clean shower, write short story,
Get "Stardust" Trophies




Haiku Fridays

Exile

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

HNC- Half Nekk'ed Countdown

Five Weeks

Five weeks until Laughlin.

Five weeks until the first Laughlin trip since my Dad got cancer

Five weeks until Normality is restored to the family again

today my dad went into his first Chemo appointment. the doctors are very optimistic that these treatments will not only remove the harmful cancer but possibly retard it, making it less of a threat.

i could hear it in his voice last nigh that he was nervous, a friend of his that was battling cancer lost the fight over the fourth of July weekend. when she died my dad's hopes of beating the cancer diminished slightly. he's pushnig himself, but the "scaries" (as he calls them) seem to be creeping their way back in.

i know he's going to be feeling weak after his appointments, so I've made my self available if he needs anything. but most of all i'm going to keep him focused on Laughlin. the trip will happen after the (assumedly) last of his Chemo appointments and right now I'm trying to keep the whole family focused on the trip.

an easily achievable goal will give us all hope and confidence when we achieve it, and of course, chicks in bikini's would help any one's moral! hehehe
beachtoe


so this HNT i thought i'd show off not so much Nekk'ed, but a little more of the goal.



Seadoo

HHNT


Exile

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

An Exile Update

"So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it."
~Willy Wonka
lately I've been busy, not productive, per se, but busy.
-Saturday Night I had the first Burger Night in a long time. it was great, I
had Sprinkles, The Jeff, the Jeff's his chick, a friend of mine from work
(Doug), his wife, and their daughter. it was a so much fun and the PS3 got a
work out as well. Doug showed everyone how to play the game on my system
while I was cooking, then showed off his prowess in Warhawk. matter a fact,
the next time I signed in I had ranked up, (he was kick'n the crap out of
the rookies under my name). amidst all the drinking, cooking, and eating I
burned my thumb, The Jeff had sex in my spare bedroom, and I showed everyone
how to shoot a frog out a big giant turd.
-nearly a year ago I hurt my wrist at work (you may recall an HNT with me
and a wrist brace). well, a month ago it randomly started hurting again. it
was strange, I was sound asleep, I woke up with the alarm, hit snooze (cause
I'm lazy), rolled over, and woke up to a horrible stabbing pain in my wrist.
at first I figured it was just something that would go away, so I threw on
the wrist brace and went to work. unfortunately, it only got worse through
out the day, and when I went to take my jacket off it was too severe and I
told HR. unfortunately, now that it's a Workman's Comp issue relating to
something that happened a year ago, everyone is treating me like I'm faking.
the thing is that the "horrible agony" has subsided, but I want to make this
all official so I don't wind up with arthritis in ten years with no
recourse. I wanna be a writer when I grow up, and I don't think I could
handle the irony of finally having the time to write and not the ability.
-there is a new obsession with the PS3, Trophies. essentially they're going
to make it where (nearly) all PS3 games will have trophies you can win for
pulling of particular tasks in a game. things from simply beating levels to
the nearly impossible. there are four of us at work that are competing for
the bragging rights of obtaining these intangible trophies. currently it's
between my Coworker, and my self. he's only three trophies ahead of me, but
he can't seem to make progress on the other ones. The one trophy we are both
gunning for is in the game Super Star Dust HD in which you must play a level
where all you're armed with is 10 Bombs (as opposed to regular play that
gives you three types of infinite ammo and a rocket booster rammer thingy).
the way you get the trophy on this one is to obtain 15 Bombs. the catch is
that the only way to get bombs is blow up these "trucks" that only appear
every 30 seconds, and when you blow them up you only get two bombs. so it
means either blow up one truck at a time 5 times over, or try to blow up two
truck at the same time. regardless, this has been a nightmare to try and get
because a) every time you use a bomb you lose a bomb, two steps forward, one
step back, and b) there is a constant flood of meteors and magnetic bombs
all over your nuts.
-every morning my drive to work take about twenty to twenty-five minutes.
today I had a truck in front of me the whole way. we were making good time
so I didn't need to pass him. but what I want to know is how it's possible
to pick and flick boogers for that long? the entire time I was on the free
way his are would disappear in the window, then reappear a moment later
rolling and flicking nostril shrapnel from his finger tips.
so what's new with you?
exile

Monday, July 14, 2008

Zen

with the every day stresses and woes, it's hard to find a little zen.

for me, my place of zen is my balcony at 1am. it's that time of night where you can just feel that you are all alone.

woth nothing but the sounds of the night and low hum of a box fan in an adjacent window.

it's in this quiet time i feel the most at peace, the most alive.

i'm typing this on my phone to share my little slice of zen with you. to show you that it's not hard to find, and sometimes it's not where you look, but when.

find your place in the night, breathe in the cool air, and let your self pretend the sound of that one lonely taxi cruising down the street is the sound of the surf crashing on the shore.


(fyi this post would have had a much different tone if that fucking dog down the street was barking again)


exile

Friday, July 11, 2008

Mmmm Sake!

oh my fuck yeah!

sake, me want sake...

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Haiku Fridays

beat "Metal Gear Four"!
Sprinkles is a good luck charm,
and cheerleader too!

downloaded some games
all free from a friend at work
who needs sleep? (not me)

shut off game for bed
walked to room, shut off lights
controller in hand




Haiku Fridays

exile

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Ugly Baby

so, i'm at work talking with one of the Techs (the only girl tech in the entire company), and the subject of babies come up:

Tech- Babies are so cute.
Exile- if you say so
Tech- you don't think babies are cute?
Exile- i've seen my share of ugly ones.
Tech- (offended) What? all babies are beautiful!
Exile- i beg to differ
Tech- you're a liar
Exile- i am not. i have seen some ugly ass babies. (turning to someone else in the lab) Hey Wilbert, have you ever seen a baby and said 'damn, that's any ugly ass baby'?
Wilbert- um, yeah... yeah, i've seen some ugly babies.
Tech- you're both horrible
Exile- ask anyone, some babies are just plain ugly.
Tech- THEY ARE NOT! they're beautiful and they smell wonderful.
Exile- they're loud wrinkled little people with bags of shit strapped to them. ma'am, our views of beauty differ.
Tech- you should never be allowed to have children
Exile- can i get that in writing?

after that conversation abruptly ended i took an impromptu survey of parents around the office, they all have kids, and they all have seen their share of ugly babies.

we all know how much i adore children *vomits silently in mouth* but there are some babies that are so damn ugly they belong in jar.

it's a fact.





Exile

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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

And Now, Quality Time With Grandma...

In our family we do something called Grandma Time.
Grandma Time came about when my Grandpa Ray died a few years back on
Christmas.

We all agreed to make extra time every so often to visit with my Grandma.

now, the reason this is something we had to "make time for" is that Grandma
is a bit, well crazy.

Most grandma's invite you over for cookies and show you the sweater they
knitted for you. My grandma, not so much.

A grandma visit usually entails listening to her prattle on about how her
two oldest children are the most wonderful things ever, even though they've
stolen from her for most of her life, while referring to my mom as only a
"foot note" in the story. (my mom has done more for her than anyone ever.)
Grandma also likes to talk about her medical conditions, some are real, some
are fake, they're all disgusting. she also regales anyone who will listen
with stories about how her Chihuahua's stools are yellow and runny.

The one thing that really gets my goat (which is usually gotten) is her Pity
Parties. no matter the conversation it's always a woe-is-me that ends with
"and no one ever visits me..." But the thing is there is always one of us
over there, it's free food which draws my brother in, but it's pretty
inedible, unlike other grannies, my likes to cook with spoiled food.
(mmmm... undercooked chicken, no wonder the dog has mustard shit.)

so last night I did my "tour of duty" last night with grandma and on out way
to Coco's (which is yummy), she "invited me to a pity party"

Grandma- your brother came by for a visit last week
Exile- he's a good guy like that
Grandma- I told him not to buy me anything for Christmas (welcome to July)
Exile- oh really? why's that?
Grandma- (in her sad voice) I told him I didn't want him to buy me anything,
just come over one hour a month and that will be enough of a Christmas
present for me
Exile- (rolling eyes under my sunglasses) you don't say
Grandma- you know, if you want you don't have to buy me anything either,
just come over one hour a month and that's good for me
Exile- can't I just buy you something instead? (followed with a big grin)

she laughed when I said that, most likely because not only was it well
timed, but she knows she can't manipulate me with pity (and I think she
likes knowing I'm not that much of a sap).

Of course, on our way home from Coco's she farted in my truck and I nearly
gagged from the stench. (it smelled like someone left a corpse in the
dumpster of Tai Restaurant.)

Exile

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