Its 0118 And i an

Its 0118 And i an drunk off my ass and some lady just went jogging by... What the dual is wrong with newport?

i'm not drunk, but my

i'm not drunk, but my barstool is

Such A Fucking Idiot...

I am such a fucking idiot...

here i am, ripping my self apart and disowning my worthless heart

but in the end it was all bullshit.

i thought she left me for all these reasons, but it turns out she left me for this one.

you know what the fucked up part of this is? i know the guy in the picture, so to speak. a while before our Valentine's Day Trip she talked to me about her friend and his problems with dating the wrong kind of girl. when i told her that it could be him putting off the "stink of desperation" she became offended and went on the defensive. i should have known then... i mean why wouldn't she get defensive? i was insulting her new boyfriend.

a week after we broke up i sent a letter to make sure she was OK and she bit my head off. she made me feel like shit, blaming me, laying how everything was my fault. turns out her treating me like shit was just a means to clear me out of the way. (funny, it's the same tactic my last ex-girlfriend used.)



you could have just been honest instead of making me feel ashamed of who i am...
i can't believe i actually cried over you




Exile

Hey Staples, You Just Got Fucked In The Ass!

Operation Toner Boner
Project completed

Boo-yeah Mother fucker!

ever get such a sweet deal that all you can do is grab your imaginary suspenders and say "i so rock!"



So what is this deal that i speak of? oh, i just got a brand new $200 printer for fifty bucks!

now, i know what you're thinking, "but exile, we thought your God like abilities were limited only to the bedroom, how did you pull this off?"

well, my minions i shall share my secret with you and let you bask in my awesome-ness

Phase 1: The Dark Harvest
Staples has a recycling program for Toner cartridges. every toner cartridge turned in gets you a single coupon for $3 credit towards your purchase. so I've been collecting these things everywhere i can, and my office goes through a lot of them, and i talked everyone into saving them just for me.

Phase 2: Devaluing
over a couple months i collected nearly forty dollars in coupons, but Staples won't let you use more than three at a time. "good form old bean, but not good enough." see, the idea of only letting someone use three at a time is clever, but I'm more clever-er. (yeah). so what i did, for the past week was go in after work and buy things for $9.25 and so on (the coupon max is 3 coupons at $3... 9 bucks). i bought crap i didn't need, color pencils, dry erase marker kits, you know, crap. but they do have a liberal return policy, hehehe.

Phase 3: Weapons Of Mass Evil
Saturday 10:30am.
I walked into the store with my arsenal in hand
a) I now had 40 dollars in "store credit"
b) a coupon "spend $100 dollars and get $20 off"
c) my old printer "bring in your old printer and we'll take $50 off the purchase of a new printer.


Phase 4: Drop The Hammer
Cashier- hello again (she was working there last night)
Exile- hello to you to you, i would like to return these (i handed over the bag of "crap)
Cashier- well, seeing as though you were in here last night, you have your receipt, right?
Exile- Shucks, i don't (the receipt would not only show that i used my coupons and it would take the credits for the purchases off my Staples Rewards Card).
Cashier- i see
Exile- no worries, store credit will work just fine. I'm buying a printer today.
Cashier- did you know we have a special going on with the printers
Exile- i sure do *points to my old printer on the counter*
Cashier- *looks at me suspiciously* i figured you would know

At that point o left to get the printer i wanted, only to find out the printer i wanted was two dollars short of the minimum purchase... so i had to pick a new one. and then i found this beauty:

click here for all the stats.

it normally runs for $200, but they were taking $40 off at the register.

So i returned to the cashier in triumph

Cashier- i guess you found what you were looking for
Exile- sure did
Cashier- *she began ringing up the printer*
Exile- oh wait, there's a special way i want you to do this
Cashier- i beg your pardon
Exile- i know, this seems weird, but just humor me
Cashier *no longer smiling* ok, what do you want me to do?
Exile- *big smile* OK, scan my rewards card, now the printer, now the coupon for twenty dollars off...
Cashier- oh, you know what, that coupon got voided when i canceled that last transaction (the other printer i wanted). i guess you can't use it
Exile- oh, well let's see if the manager can fix that *big grin*
Cashier- (after the manager punches in his mystery code), ok, i have the coupon in
Exile- good, now cash in the old printer
Cashier- *doesn't say a word*
Exile- and here's the store credit
Cashier- ok, your total is $56(or something close to that)
Exile- *i hand her two more $3 coupons*
Cashier- *not happy* $49.98 (or something close to that)
Exile- I'll put it on the amex. (then mutter to my self) so i can get my 2% cash back.


(i don't think i'm welcome there any more.)


So in true Exile form i finagled my way into a $200 printer (managed to ruin the day of a Staples Cashier) for only $50! the cool thing is that i needed toner for that old printer and it would have costed me 50 bucks to buy more.


and as the true techno-geek that i am, i rushed home, ran up the stairs, and re rigged my wifi router to connect the printer directly to it! (now i can print and scan from anywhere in the house, yay!)



i might be a nerd, but i so fucking rock!



Exile

Te gusta me juevos?

Happy easter you pegans!

This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
To learn how you can snap pictures with your wireless phone visit

www.verizonwireless.com/getitnow/getpix.

To learn how you can record videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/getitnow/getflix.

To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required. Visit www.apple.com/quicktime/download to download the free player or upgrade your existing QuickTime� Player. Note: During the download
process when asked to choose an installation type (Minimum, Recommended or Custom), select Minimum for faster download.

Haiku Friday

many of you have asked
"why do you describe dating
as such a nightmare?"

here's an example:
I work with this cute girl
I shyly flirt with

I gathered my courage
and finally asked her out...
she laughed in my face

exile

Things About Guys (With A Dash Of HNT)

This HNT i decided to help out all the ladies out there by answering some questions involving the idiosyncrasies about guys


1. Why do guys leave the toilet seat up?-
let's face it, guys are simple, either we're going to put the seat up when we pee, or we're going to leave it down and pee on the seat (i mean, have you seen the rim of a bachelor's toilet bowl?)


2. Are guys as concerned about the way their "oh face" looks as women are?-
hell no, we're having sex (we really don't care about much else at that point)

Free Video Hosting

3. Why do Guys always have VHS Tapes without labels?-
because tapes without labels don't need labels


4. Why is it guys never have food in their fridge?-
because we need the room for beer.


5. Why do guys always hide condoms?-
two reasons,
A) chicks are weird about condoms, if they see them before they've commited to having sex they think that's all the guy they're with is after. of course, if you have a condom on hand right before you are about to have sex, then you look responsible
B)for some reason we belive that at any moment a hot woman will come to the door and want wild freaky sex... so we're always prepared. (we're all boy scouts at heart)


6. Why is it when you ask a guy about one of his scars it's never an answer, but a story?-
scars are rugged and manly, unfortunately we live in a very non-rugged and non-manly world, so it's our way of reclaiming a bit of that. (most of my scars are too faded to see, and their stories are too boring to write about)

Here's a larger size in case you can't see it.


7. Why do guys think they invented everything?- cause we did!



Exile

Dating Sucks

Exile

Get Your Mitts Off My Ritz

what the fuck happened to fucking manners?

sweet zombie fuck'n Christ!

here's the deal. I bring things to snack on through the day, little things
so when I finally get to my tiny lunch I'm not starving a few min
afterwards.

sometimes I bring an apple, sometimes a zip lock baggie of Cheerios (yes,
like a toddler) and sometimes I'll bring in a sleeve of Ritz crackers.

when it comes to the Ritz, usually I'll offer them to people as they come
in. there are some days that I can't eat a whole sleeve to my self, so why
not share, right? (Barney the dinosaur would be so proud)

but what happened just now was enough to send me into a full rage....

an alarm went off on one of the machine right out side my office, so I
stepped out and talked to the guy working on it. I was out there for no more
then two minuets. when I walked back in I found one of the operators
standing in front of the computers I work on. at this point I'm immediately
suspicious because they never go back there. mainly because they have no
idea what the equipment is that I work on, so it scares them (like a dog
with the vacuum).

so I walk up behind the operator and ask her if I can help her. she turns
around and she has one quarter of the sleeve of crackers in her hand, the
other shoved in her mouth.

Exile- Um, what are you doing?
Operator- (with mouth full of crackers and terrible grasp of the English
language) You do pot luck?
Exile- I'm sorry, I can't understand you with my food in your mouth
Operator- (swallows, leaving half the food still in her mouth) I say you
sign up to do pot luck for de Easter.
Exile- well I don't know if I'll need to bring anything seeing as though you
already helped your self to my food.
Operator- (laughs, still bits of Ritz stuck to her lips and teeth) you sign
up to bring food, yes?
Exile- Back up, why did you take my food from my office with out asking
first?
Operator- cause you no here, so I take cracker
Exile- just because I'm not here doesn't make it ok to just take, that's
rude.
Operator- Well, when you see I have cookie, you can eat my cookie
Exile- (shuttering at the though of that as an innuendo) I don't want your
cookie, I want my food. if you want something ask, don't just take.
Operator- ok, next time I tell you when I take

Grrr.... it's like an ESL version of Abbot and Costello. the thing that
pisses me off most about this is that this isn't the first time this has
happened. not with the same person, but other people here.

I've had my Frito's violated, my lunch eaten, and my office supplies
pilfered.

I swear, some times I think that respect for other people's property is a
genetic deficiency in the Mexican Mentality*.

I mean, I'm down wit OPP
(yeah you know me!)

*before you get all offended that I made a broad generalization about an
entire race/culture, please take these things into account:
1. in every area I've lived in the majority of the crime and vandalism is
done by Mexicans
2. I am half Mexican, so I've seen it first hand in my own family
3. they smell

Exile

Haiku Friday

Thanks to all of you
such good friends, 'specially on
My Pet Lesbian!

Cheered me up with beer
then whooped me at air hockey
(typical lesbo)

I'm single again
I guess I have to start dating...
welcome back to Hell

Exile

A Quick Laugh

I've found that people like to hang out in my office to hide from their work. this is mainly because anyone who has to be in my office is having a problem, so logically it's avoided like the plague.

of course, the cool people see past this and bring jokes with them!

these jokes like this gem:

Mr. Penis calls his friend Mr. Balls.

Mr. Penis- Hey Balls, I'm going to a party, wanna go?
Mr. Balls- hell no
Mr. Penis- Why not?
Mr. Balls- because every time we go to a party you go in and leave me out side banging on the back door all night.

and i was also handed a print out of this one:



and of course, we often reminice about classic Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes!


sometimes just need a laugh to take your mind off pesky things like work

Exile

Haiku Friday

i am beyond sad
i have lost my forever
it is not your fault

I am not angry
not mad at her, not for this
you did the right thing

the "Us" has passed on
this is a time of mourning
please, no more crying




Exile

Different Paths

I don't believe in destiny.
I don't believe in fate.
nor do I believe in serendipity, kismet, or any other way you put it.

What I do believe is that our lives follow different paths. some paths start from birth (like being born in a third world country), and some are caused by outside sources (like being crippled in a car accident.)

some paths can be changed (drug addicts can go to rehab).

but there are some paths that can never change, like the path of becoming a parent (no matter what you do, for the rest of your life you are a parent.)

with all these paths that shape who and what we are, some of us have life paths. A life path is one where everything you do, every choice you make, every direction you move, will ultimately end the same way.

sometimes, and it's rare, you get a glimpse where your path will lead you. I've seen where my path leads, my path paved in pain and sorrow. and while I don't have the clairvoyance to see all the twists and turns of my path, I can see where it ends. it ends in disease and solitude, an old man who's body, the infernal machine that it is, finally gives out on him. a life time of solitude who's only companionship is regret.

this is not something I want.
this is not something that I choose (I mean, who would?)
this is just the way it is.

When Hella and I met out paths crossed. the paths entwined and for a moment, the appeared to merge like two lovers lost in a passionate kiss.

in that moment, I could see a new end to the path. an end where hella becomes the mother to a larger family, where she embraces life and passionately loves the man who cooks her breakfast every Sunday.

and for a moment I could taste it.
I could taste this impossible outcome.
I wanted it all for my own.

so I gripped my claws deep into her path and rooted my self in. I denied my set outcome and chose hers instead. I could see that her heart was closed and I knew that I was the one to open it. I thought that if I showed her what true love was I could fuse our paths together, I could be the one that would be with her...

but as I said, our paths were crossing
as I said, they seemed to merge

while her path was this beautiful thing full of hope and beauty, my path was still there, dark, over grown with thorns. I was being so greedy with keeping her and I together that I didn't see the pain I was causing her, I wanted to walk her path, but instead I was dragging her down mine, thorns and all.

when out paths crossed, I had a role to play, a simple and temporary role. I was there to awaken her sleeping heart and expose her beauty to the light. I was also there to show her just how strong she was.

I taught her to see her self as I did, as a wonderful mother and a beautiful person.
I taught her that she's stronger than she's ever given herself credit for.

I played my role, but I didn't want to give it up. I wanted to bask in her beauty and warm my self in the glow of her heart.

but it turns out my role had one last part to play out, I had one last thing to show her.

I had to show her that she deserved better than what life had given her and that she didn't need to settle.

she didn't need to settle for relationships with guys who didn't' appreciate her.
she didn't' need to settle for jobs that didn't respect her.
and she didn't need to settle for a boyfriend who wasn't there for her...

in spite of how hard I tried, in spite of my best efforts, my path was keeping us apart. A sickly father, a condo turned mill stone, 3,000 miles, what ever you want to pick as an excuse, I am not there, and I don't know how long it would take for me to get there.

This is where our paths begin to split. see, I have been alone my whole life. solitude and anger have become the walls which line my path. for me, a phone call from beautiful girl telling me that she truly loves me was more than I had ever had and more than I could ever dream possible. But for Hella, this was not a happy situation, for while it was bliss when we were together, the longing was utter sorrow and pain.

the longer I stayed on her path, the longer I held her there in her sorrow.





Monday night, Hella told me it was over.
she told me that she couldn't do this any more, that the distance was too much.

"It's killing me that i cant' hold your hand, or see you when i want to"

She said there were other reasons too, things she said she had forgiven me for:
-Not telling my parents she had a son until they found out themselves. it was part of my plan for my parents to see her as my girlfriend, not as a single mom. (they carry the old stigma of "single mom's are out to find new daddy's" and this wasn't the case)
-When we first started dating Hella told me that it bothered her to think of me being with anyone else (my past), so she told me she didn't want to know about any of it. it had come up before, but she always said "she didn't' want to know". Well before we were together i had been with quite a few people (22 to be exact). while most of them were friends with benefits or one-night-stands, some of them were friends. I happen to still be friends with one of these people, but i didn't tell her. (she asked me not to). so when she found out she felt betrayed

but it doesn't matter any more...
Monday night was the first time we said goodbye without saying "I love you," and end of always and forever

It's time for me to return to my path, a path i walk alone.





Oh, i guess it's Thrusday too, so i guess i should throw up an HNT too...

this was me waking up friday at 3am

it was the fourth day waking up that early for my four "twelve hour days"


i wasn't getting much sleep then, and that hasn't changed much



Exile